Hanging out with Youth

There's a post over at Chaliceblog that resonated with me - I had noticed the comment in Peter Morales' piece in UU World this winter as well - and it irritated me just as much.

"I am convinced that we too often fail to recognize how much our children, youth, and young adults need to give. Hanging out is not a spiritual practice. Joining hands to work for something we care about is. Service is an essential part of faith development. We need to do so much more to engage the idealism and energy of our young people."

As I commented over at chaliceblog, I think it's a mistake to think that the only way to engage our church youth is through social action. In my work with RE, I have actually heard parents groan about this - their kids have mandated community service through school, and then that's often the bulk of their engagement with their church.

My church has been trying to integrate the messages of its sermons and small group ministries and RE so that congregants with families are having a unified experience and message through themes in worship and workshop rotation in RE. However, this often leaves out our youth who are done with RE curriculum or don't want to get up and come to class or worship on Sundays.

We have a vibrant and growing youth group (40+ kids this year, and they are bringing their non-UU friends!). They just organized a huge con and had 130 kids attend - they meet weekly, and we're offering a Coming of Age group this year too. However, as I've mentioned before, I was inspired to start a Teen Soul Matters group this year. The description is here.

We lose so many youth - and what is missing is hanging out with them. What is small group ministry about? It's about creating sacred space - about learning to listen to your own quiet inner voice or soul. When you are busy in youth group, or social action, you don't take time to just sit and listen to your peers, to other adults, to yourself. You don't have time to really engage yourself with the big questions. What is God? Where do science and religion intersect? Is there an afterlife? What does being a UU mean to me? How can I articulate it to my friends? Where do we come from? What does xyz in the Bible mean, if anything/everything? What is prayer? What are other spiritual practices? How can they bring meaning and clarity to my life? How can people believe in Creationism? What the heck happens when people have these near death experiences?

Seriously, people, all of these topics came from the kids in my group in only 4 hours of meetings. And that was even with structure imposed - it's a ministry group for kids, but it's also hanging out. But it's hanging out with purpose and light.

Youth engage their spirits as much as their hands and bodies by being with adults who are modeling spiritual practice and living into their faith internally, not just in the obvious external ways. Liberal theologians say that we need to hook people through their search for life's meaning, but we have to be aware of how kids do that - it's not necessarily how adults do it. And we have to give them opportunities to explore those questions in ways they will never get with their peers at school or their "regular" lives. Teens are going through a developmental crisis in much the same way that adults have a mid-life crisis. If we can engage them at church during this critical time, they won't have to search for that spiritual home when they're 40!

So my point is that hanging out can be a lot of different things (and can be subversive in a positive way!) and in all my work with youth both in human services and at church, those times where there is no agenda is when the best work happens. When I can just be with them. Doing dishes, driving in the car, watching a movie, listening to some tunes - that's when that shy soul peeks its head out and feels safe enough to ask the big questions. Let's not minimize the incredible power of creating sacred space that youth can identify with. It's not the way that adults do it - but approaching youth from our own social location is why we're losing them. We have to recognize their developmental needs and engage them where they're at. And that's hanging out.

Family Surprises

I forgot to mention, my dad's youngest son (aka my half-brother) from his first marriage contacted me via Facebook this week. I have not seen/heard/talked to him in ... over 10 years?

My dad has three sons and they have not seen him or talked to him probably that long. I can speculate why, but I won't here. Regardless, he is supposed to call me today. I'm nervous, defensive (?!) and not sure what to expect.

I guess the reality is that I am an adult, outside of all the political wrangling that happened in our families of origin, and have no reason to be other than objective and hospitable (faith in action!) to this sibling that I don't even know. I do have some resentment around being left to care for my father when I was only 25 and my oldest brother was 50 with grown kids and a stable life...but I don't know their side of the story. I hope I get to hear some of it.

That said, it is an honor to be my dad's guardian. He's always been a good dad to me within the limitations of his disabilities, and I love him. I wonder if my brother will want to see him? Or if dad will recognize him, or want to see him at all?

Well, life is never dull around here. Thank God I have a daily spiritual practice. Prayer has become a real lifeline lately.

Random Important Stuff

I was so productive yesterday! I got my CPE application emailed off to the hospital, did my homeschooling quarterly reports, and dealt with all my overdue email! I also got my ethics paper in on time, wrote a sermon on Wednesday on crisis for my pastoral care class (can't wait to be able to take an actual preaching class!), and am hammering through my humanism class readings for January (though keeping the reading journal is a struggle).

Not to mention all the laundry. Man, when the cold weather hits, the laundry doubles - the clothes are bulkier, it's muddy and wet, and having a preteen and teen guarantees multiple clothing changes per day!

I really enjoyed my pastoral care class on Thursday. A funeral director came in to speak to us; I am much more motivated to take care of life insurance, will, advance directive, memorial planning, etc. since starting this class. I can really see the benefits of not leaving all that stress to my kids and family to deal with. I had to write a simple funeral for myself, and turned that in a couple of weeks ago. Oddly, nobody in my family wanted to help me plan it ;). Although my 11 yo did ask me if she could do one of the readings. Thinking ahead, as usual!

We also talked about NDEs (near death experiences), which was really interesting. I had done some reading and prep about them for Wellspring last year, as well. Again, the whole science/biology/religion thing is so fascinating.

Yesterday, we went out dinner for my 2nd daughter's 11th birthday at Plum Garden, which is a Hibachi restaurant. I love the drama - the fire, the delicious food, the fun. We had a great time and Jude and Lucy even behaved until the end. I am also very happy to report that my ex-husband and his wife are hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year. If I had to cook and clean this year, I think my head would explode, and my 82 yo MIL declined as well.

Finally, a few interesting links:
Cost of Seminary explained

Exploring Texts - this post resonated with me, since I've been doing papers and such on various books for years, but exploring the Bible through secondary texts has opened up a whole new world to me. Also, I am finding in all my classes a real emphasis on being aware of social location - our own individual context that contributes to how we interpret not just texts, but the world, and how awareness of that bias can open up whole new vistas in exploring ... well, everything.

Getting Old

OK, I know I'm not old. Every year I get older, there's some old fart telling me how young I still am ;).

But I started out as a sassy teenager in a runaway shelter for months, was a bratty street smart kid, got my shit together, grew up, managed a transitional living program for teens, had my own kids, blah, blah, blah.

Now through my ministry work I'm back in a teen shelter. I love it. Adore it. But I come home and cry sometimes. That didn't used to happen. Sure, there were kids that I was especially attached to, but I love all these kids. And they are different than the ones I am used to.

For the young teen tonight who ended up leaving, who kept telling me "Not even my mom cares." (and of course neither must you, because if my own mother doesn't care, how could you? is implied) I cried tonight. And I am angry at the police office who wouldn't take a missing person's report because, well...he didn't really have a good reason, except that he was young and white and privileged and in a position of power...and this kid is young and black and poor and has nothing. So what's one more kid on the street on a cold November night?

I didn't used to cry. But I came home and looked at my own beautiful 13 year old daughter and thought, for the grace of God...

These kids are my kids. I don't care who their mama is. And they are breaking my heart.

Good intentions

Dear store cashier, I know you are just trying to help when my son is freaking out in the line, but when you talk to him and he shrieks at you, giving him a lecture on proper behavior is probably not going to be effective, and is just going to make him scream more.

Thank you for your attention.

And yes, he is in his room, having an imposed naptime right now. ::::Sigh::::

Funeral questions

So my pastoral class speaker next week is a funeral director. I am supposed to come prepared with questions; and I can't think of any! I know I should...I am going to be doing services and such...what do I need to know from this funeral director? This may be my best shot!

Human Rights

I think that all of our government officials right down the line should read this report.

Simple and brilliant.

Duh.

Time to process

I think i am finally getting into the reading groove, just in time to start writing all my papers in the next 4 weeks.

I have to write:
2 five page reflection papers
Respond to two of those from someone else
One sermon on crisis
2 final papers of 10-12 pages
a small group 2.5 hour presentation on the ethics of death and dying

Plus finish reading for intensives and the assignments for those.

Next semester I just have one online class and my community studies class. Whew. I also have to finish preparing for my RSCC interview in March, and get my CPE application in for my intensive CPE in June and July.

The interesting thing is that just like in my undergrad work, I love all the connections that these disparate classes are bringing me. The context of studying the Old Testament along with my readings on ethics and humanism, and the real-world application of pastoral care around death and dying - they are all connecting in interesting and formative ways in my brain, through my writing, and in my living.

If i just had a littttle more time to reflect - I'm supposed to be keeping a reading journal for one of my intensive classes, but yikes, when? I better start though, since I'm plowing through the books.

Just as we seem to be getting into a routine this fall, it will all be over. Then I have to search for child care help for January, March and the summer.

Everything is moving so fast!

Gratitudes

I just got home from a lively and intriguing Wellspring session. I am so inspired by our group. They are so committed, so engaged, and so deep! Things come out of this group that are totally unexpected, and they lift me up to engage myself with the topics in a whole new way each time.

I am blessed with a bright and thoughtful co-facilitator for that group, who teaches me so much. (and my other co-facilitator). I will be forever blessed to have them as colleagues throughout my life.

I am also grateful for the work of the divine in my life and those I love. Jude's teacher was in a potentially very bad car accident today, but is recovering well at home. She is such a blessing in our lives, and I am so very grateful that she was held safe today by whatever divine intervention stepped in.

I am saddened by the death of a high school classmate, Mike Weston. He was killed last week in Afghanistan in a helicopter crash. My love and prayers go out to his family, and especially his new wife.

I am blessed with dear friends who are patient with my mistakes. (most especially Lauren). I am blessed with children who bring me joy in the living of life in the moment each day.

I am grateful for the three ministers at my church. The care that they put into leadership, worship and pastoral care touches me every day.

I am blessed to have a really great dog. (nice follow-up to the ministers, eh?) He is sweet tempered, snuggly, a good listener, and fabulous with the kids. I adore him and his role in my daily spiritual walking meditation.

I am blessed to be a writer. To be able to process my gifts and challenges through the written word.

there are so many blessings in my life. Innumerable friends who lift me up, love me, and keep me sane. You know who you are. Amen.

Spiritual Practice

Things have been busy here. Classes are in full swing. Homeschooling is busy - sports; classes; and teaching Spanish, Language Arts and Math here at home. Formational stuff - group facilitation, workshops, paid work in RE, site work. All have conspired to keep me away from my computer and email except for urgent matters.

I put my attention full bore on school and formation for several weeks; the house languished, kids started acting out, husband is very quiet. Attention. I put it on one thing to the detriment of other things. It is a challenge to balance it. My brain is often at maximum capacity. My minister told me that she had a dream one night where she had to remember something and kept trying to get the File, Save to work on her brain, but it just wouldn't. Boy, do I resonate with that.

I have not been feeling good about my morning meditation walk for a while now. I've been distracted and I haven't been able to put my worldly concerns aside and focus on the here and now during that sacred time of day. I"ve been searching for something else and have been feeling called to prayer, but still have some hang-ups. I am trying without success to find information on using Buddhist prayer beads and some breathing meditations to help me focus. If anyone has any good resources, I'm all ears. In the absence of that, I made up my own.

Walk, walk, breathe in (God, please help me to be) breathe out (loving and in right relation to all). Over and over for several days. This morning for the first time in a long time, in the midst of a lot of inner turmoil and grief, I felt the presence of peace again. I breathed in the leafy, autumnal air, saw the wispy clouds in a blue sky, and my house off in the distance. I felt safe, and clear, and connected again. Just for a minute. But that was enough.

To Be Born or Not To Be Born: That is the Question - Rev. Sam Trumbore - timesunion.com - Albany NY

To Be Born or Not To Be Born: That is the Question - Rev. Sam Trumbore - timesunion.com - Albany NY

I am really interested in Rev. Trumbore's question. I have always been an ardent pro-choice person, but in hearing some personal stories of people who are very against late-term abortion because of their own experience with parenting disabled children, and incorrect diagnoses during their pregnancies (which if the advice to abort had been followed, would have been catastrophic in terms of having a wonderful child in their life), I have had a shift in my thinking.

My congregation has started working intensely with reproductive rights this year, and I have mixed feelings about it, quite honestly. I guess I am ambivalent because I wonder if the groups that we recommend are really objective and provide good counseling and education about a woman's options and in offering support, or if they have an agenda that is slanted toward abortion without adequate preparation and support.

Time for me to find out more!

Thoughts?

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I love John Stewart

Anyone who uses the word Kerfuffle is OK in my book ;)

Current Obsession

Shitty week aside, I have to say that my newfound obsession with The Airborne Toxic Event is making life much better. Yeah, and they are not hard on the eyes either.

The universe speaks

But how do you put what you hear into practice? Time and time again, I am reminded that I often (always?) put self-care last. I have a crushing schedule this fall but life has thrown me three curve balls in a month - 3 of my children have had needs that need immediate and time-consuming attention (in addition to the usual attention they get, which may not be enough but is probably more than most kids get?).

Daily spiritual practice. Check. I need something more in-depth. Something that I can focus on better. It's not cutting it anymore.

Hot showers with nobody bothering me. Check.

Sleep. Check - I sleep hard most of the time, but this week not so much. Too much to do, no time, and too much worry. It'll come back.

Support. Check. Some fab friends, seminary colleagues, a spiritual mentor and an awesome doctor.

But I am exhausted. I cannot remember ever being so tired. The last time I cried so much was when my first husband and I separated. I am still doing my schoolwork but I don't know how much of my reading I'm retaining. Can someone send me the cliff notes for Judges? Because that's not done, and I can't imagine reading it tomorrow ;).

I'm not sure what else I can do take care of myself other than a spa vacation, which I can't afford in money or time. Getting time alone is impossible as it is.

Just send light, prayers, loving thoughts, lottery tickets, books on tape, whatever it may be. Or if the universe would perhaps like to be more specific about what I should be doing to avert crises (which I don't even believe in anymore), that would be OK too.

Ministerial Formation

Mondays are always a challenge, and seem to be more so now that I work on Saturdays and Sundays. Plus I'm doing this gymnastics booster club volunteer thing that I *swore* last year I wouldn't do again...but it's been easier this year! Thank the heavens for email.

Today has been surprisingly productive though. The girls got up on time, did their chores and we got to spend a whole hour on Spanish vocab and conversation today. It was SO fun! What was ironic was that we were learning "classroom" words - chalk, chalkboard, flag, desk, etc. As we sat in front of the woodstove and snuggled and did flashcards ;).

Even Jude and Lucy learned the alphabet in Spanish! Fun times, peeps.

I am very much looking forward to reading week at school. Excel spreadsheet or no, I am having a hard time carving out enough reading time. My husband is now resentful of both spiritual practice time AND reading time. Wheee! My pastoral care class starts this week too, so I expect the reading to practically double, because it's a condensed, half-semester, full credit class. Sleep is totally overrated, I know. But complaining aside (was I complaining?), I *love* all the readings I'm doing, even the Old Testament, which is finally becoming an accessible narrative to me personally, and helping me to put a lot of cultural/religious things in perspective.

My site work at the Center for Youth is awesome, people. I adore my site supervisor. She has a good sense of humor, and is excellent about putting up with all my questions. I imagine there will be new kids there next week, so new opportunities and challenges and stories to learn about. I really need to start looking at my learning contract and figuring it out. It's challenging to think about what I need to learn here as part of formation, because I did this work professionally. I am trying to think of different angles, and how to best serve there, while at the same time, allowing them to use my skills and resources that I come there with.

Every day, I find new pieces of ministerial formation that I am facing - spiritual, family, academic, sociological, relational, community, political. It's awe-inspiring how this program is forcing us to face all of life and transform into someone totally different (again). I also am amazed at how thoughtful the program is at different levels in engaging me to face the big and little questions of life. I am really anxious to meet with my covenant group next week - I am having a hard time being geographically isolated from most of my classmates.

Community Site Day

I had my first day at my community site for my non-internship. They say w shouldn't call it an internship, but that's the easiest way to explain it to the other employees. I'm wracking my brains already about my learning contract. The woman who is supervising me is awesome.

I'm working at an emergency shelter for homeless teens. The house was full today - 12 of them. It was pretty low-key today though apparently that's not often the case. Bonus: I get to eat dinner there 2 nights a week and I don't have to cook it!

I helped a girl with her welfare paperwork, hung out with kids, ate dinner, and watched a movie. I am going again tomorrow and am excited to see them again. There is a lot of turnover, but I'm anxious to see how the overall agency works to refer the kids within their resources.

Not RPD's finesthour

Rochester IMC: home

One of my friends got arrested in front of his daughter and her boyfriend. Yes, they didn't have a permit. Was it necessary to have 30 police cars there and attack them with mace and clubs? I don't think so.



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Wellspring, Week 1 + a funny

Well, I co-facilitated my first group of the year, and I am STOKED people, STOKED.

Our members are thoughtful, engaged, open, honest, and they ROCK. I am so excited to be doing this. You should all do it too (how's that for evangelizing?)!

A great discussion on covenant, Parker Palmer (we love him! we hate him! He talks about depression too much!), spiritual direction and much, much more. Don't you want to be me?

Seriously, people, I even did my first truly ad-lib closing. I am visual and like my notecards, but I totally wung it, and it was good. Next session: Spiritual backgrounds/journeys.

My co-fac. and I are a good mix too - he is reflective, funny, and we have totally different approaches. A good mix, respectful, humorous, and challenging!

And here's a funny for the day. I was on the phone with my best friend and signing off - "I have to go. I have a hot date with Joshua," as my husband walks in. He looks seriously alarmed. "Who is Joshua??"

Um, the Bible chapter Joshua? Hello? Hee!! He's hot, isn't he?

RE

Wow, church was awesome today! At least, RE was. My boss usually checks on the upstairs rooms (school age) and I check on the preschool/nursery set, but she was visiting the preschool today, so I got to go upstairs. WOW!!

These teachers are amazing. So creative, so awesome, so engaging! The theme is deep listening this month, and as I moved through (our newly decorated and gorgeous classrooms) Faith Footsteps, Theater, Notes (Music & Writing), Nature (my favorite room - it looks like a fairy tale forest!), Art, and Movement, it was SO great!

The kids were all enraptured with the listening - one room was identifying different sounds on an iPod speaker system, one room was playing drums and FEELING the beat and listening to each other to keep the rhythm, one group was listening to music and dancing as they were moved to, one group was interviewing each other in pairs...just so amazing and creative.

I am so inspired.

Brain explosion

I'm in a flurry of thought about covenant, contradiction, feminism, OT vs. NT teachings, H1N1 and WHO recommendations (does anyone know of the IHR (2005) is binding on signatory nations, and if so, how?).

Woohoo!