SLD Assembly

So I'm home now and winding down from the St. Lawrence District Assembly. Last night, I drove into Syracuse and attended the Josephine Gould Discourse: “Twittered, Tweeted and Still Lonely — Choosing the On-Line Church” by Rev. Linda Hoddy of the UU Congregation of Saratoga Springs. I really enjoyed the thoughtful discourse on technology and ministry. There were three responses - one from my friend, Rev. Kelly Weisman Asprooth-Jackson, one from Rev. Richard Gilbert (who as minister at my congregation forever, but I started attending right after he retired, so I have never actually met him, though I aspire to take his UU Polity course at CRCDS one of these days) and one from the DRE from the Albany UU, Leah Purcell, who I had a lovely talk with today.

This morning's keynote speaker was Rev. Robert Latham, and that was the highlight. He spoke convincingly and passionately about the importance of mission and the need to prioritize it over things that act on our mission. He made me want to become that evangelistic UU minister that I am probably too nervous to become ;). His intro by Rev. Tom Chulak was absolutely hilarious, and was a spoof on the song Davey Crockett.

I didn't get either of my first choices for the two workshops, but I enjoyed the second one, which was by a fellow Meadville student, Andrew Mertz. I hadn't met him in January but made sure to introduce myself after the workshop. He was an engaging speaker and the topic was pertinent to my interest in youth, and looking ahead to starting some campus ministry at Syracuse University (anyone who as resources for this should feel freely invited to send them to me!). The first workshop was a watered down repeat of a class I took in January, but with a focus on RE. I have no idea why I signed up for it as a choice at all, but I should have snuck into my first choice. Only because I had already been over the material, so it wasn't a good use of my time. Certainly was a good topic for others though!

Our District Executive, Rev. Chulak, is retiring, and his closing words were quite moving. He seems to have done a great job during a difficult transitional time nine years ago, and the District board is obviously vibrant. My former boss/current friend Jan Gartner is newly elected, and I know she'll be a fabulous addition. She's got great energy and I heard firsthand how happy some of the members at First Universalist are to have her as their DRE this year!

Tomorrow, I"m leading Children's Worship since my boss is on the Coming of Age trip to Boston (lucky!). I'm reading a story called Henry Builds a Cabin (Thoreau, ya know). It should be fun. I have to think of a fun thing to do for the greeting! Unfortunately, Jude won't be there again :(. Tom's work van broke down totally yesterday (losing a day of work too), and it looks like we will be van shopping on Monday (with what money, I have no idea - perhaps the tax return will magically appear? Or my long overdue paycheck from corporate America?)

This coming week I am very focused on my two final papers. I need to write a sermon based on Mark 1:9-13 - the baptism and appearance of the Holy Spirit. Inspiration/ ideas for a UU spin are more than welcome.

Cute note of the day. Jude said, "Tell me something funny. I appreciate a good joke!"

SLD Assembly

I am attending my first district assembly! There was a relative who's who of ministers from the area, which was fun to see. My colleague and friend, Rev. Kelly Weisman Asprooth-Jackson gave a response to the lecture on technology and ministry which I thought was brilliant.

Prior to the evening's events, I went out to dinner with two ministers and talked shop, which was excellent. Tomorrow will be two sessions - one on multiculturalism and one on technology. Then a business meeting and I'm serving as a delegate. So far, that means that I get to wear an extra badge on my name tag ;).

Off to bed - it's an early drive to Syracuse tomorrow. If anyone is going, look me up!

Update on Internship

I spoke to all the appropriate people and it seems like all will be well :::whew::::

I have been feeling like a Margaret Wise Brown story lately. Any guesses which one? And brittle to boot.

But finally am feeling centered again, and ready to finish this semester and move ahead.

Things have been running smoothly at home lately too, which helps. Onward!

Form, Formative, Former

My year long internship at my community site is drawing to a close. I am already grieving and plotting ways to stay on as a relief worker, though I don't know when I would possibly have time.

I have come to love so many of the teens I've met and talked with; they return over and over because their needs are often not met right away because of our bizarre system that seems to fail kids over and over despite the best of intentions. One of my favorite kids was sent back home this week. It is breaking my heart. I really wish I could bring him home with me for the rest of his high school years. He has touched me and my life so deeply. I am afraid I will never find out if he succeeds in finding a better life before he becomes jaded and chooses worse coping skills. Last week he was practically sitting on my lap, needing love and a mama, even though he's bigger than me and pretends to be a tough guy.

Another of my favorite teens is back this week. It seems like things are moving in the right direction, but who really knows? I would bring him home with me in a heartbeat too. He would drive me crazy but I would love him anyway. What's different about that than my own kids?

I talked to a beautiful young woman who wants to be a doctor, but who will be lucky to finish high school at this point. She has a lot of challenges ahead of her. Her baby daddy isn't interested and her mama chose a man over her.

I am so in love with this work, with the staff, the kids, everything. I will be lost without "my" kids. I have tried not to get too attached, but my heart tricked me in the end. I am broken up about leaving.

I know CPE is next, and then internship at church - those will fill me up and teach me and form me in other ways. but I will will always carry these other people's babies with me. I have nothing but hope and love for them.

Still Healing

I think the best piece of advice I got from all of this RSCC stuff is from my friend Amy, who took the time out of her own current struggles to remind me that it's about the call, and the rest is just work to be done.

That, and the humor, love, prayers, and support of friends, family and colleagues has been amazing. Now that I am over the "shame" of being postponed for candidacy, I have found many other brilliant seminarians who have had a similar experience, with similar questions, and I feel lifted up by our shared journeys.

I continue to process, pray, and move ahead. I met with a psychodynamic therapist last week and we got along fine. I have an appointment with a financial planner in May, and it looks like my job is secure for the rest of this year, which is good news financially, as I am taking a hit someplace else.

After a period of pulling back, I am re-engaging with email, phone conversations, church, and friendship. My facilitation work at church has truly been a lifesaver for me, as have my classmates who have reached out over and over to make sure to connect and offer love. One of the questions in my RSCC interview was "what have you given up?" in this journey that is all-encompassing. I realized that the main thing is time with friends. Time to have coffee and talk about kids, and homeschooling and husbands and gossip. I am meeting one of my best friends in a few minutes and I can't wait! It has been months since we got together and that is a loss.

Our new puppy is doing well; still having an accident or two each day, but she is snuggly and sweet and great with the kids. I'm adjusting to very early walks that are necessitated by her tiny bladder, and to sharing my bed with a tiny creature who cries if left behind. She takes up less room than the kids do though!

My hand is healing slowly. I have a lot more mobility today for the first time but am struggling with some scarring that is limiting. It is wonderful to shower without a plastic bag though!!

I am getting ready to delve into the final month of this academic year. I have two final projects to do, and a learning plan to present to the board of directors at my proposed internship site on the 27th. I am attending the SLD conference next weekend which should be excellent. I am also serving as a delegate for my church.

The flowers are blooming, I'm getting an itch to start my garden, and I am looking forward to my two weeks off in May to spring clean and rest before CPE. I am dreading being away from the kids full time but am holding on to the idea that next summer will be quieter, with perhaps a couple of weeks in Chicago.

Back to Galatians and Philomen!

Authenticity

It's been duly noted that I've been absent from my regular journaling for awhile. Perhaps not writing, but certainly not mentally absent. Just not really sure how authentic I should be, in an ironic twist.

The last 2 weeks have been a time of inner and external turmoil; probably some of the most frustrating and reflective days I've had in recent times, and that's saying a lot, considering that I do a lot of reflection!


Last Monday I met with the RSCC, who determine whether I get the go-ahead to the next step - from ministry aspirant to candidate.The upshot is that they postponed my candidacy for a year, which was very disappointing. Two main issues that stand out for me are:

1. I was not perceived as being authentic until near the end of the 30 minute interview, at which point they saw the person they were looking for. I was trying to portray the professional and capable side of myself during the questioning, which was intensely personal, and at times felt invasive. It is ironic because this was my first real interaction with the professional side of the denomination, and at the end of the day, I did not feel supported in my journey to ministry. Even though there was no indication that the committee felt the need to deny me candidacy, but just to postpone it, I left that building not knowing who the heck they saw, if not me. I have been given strong recommendations, excelled in academics, and pushed myself to take on leadership opportunities. Somehow, that group of people saw someone else that was not well represented by the paperwork they reviewed.

Unfortunately, my career assessment paperwork took 4+ months to be processed, not giving me enough time to comment on it before I had to approve it due to the deadline for paperwork. The very thing that concerned them is the very thing that I would have asked the center to edit had I had time. My relationship with my mother continues to haunt me, though it no longer defines me, just informs who I am.

The ironic part is that I now find myself feeling less able to be vulnerable, and am not even sure that this is the right path to be on. That is not what the committee said, but how I feel. Once I work through my Kubler-Ross stages of grief, I"m sure I'll make lemonade out of lemons.

2. My finances were a huge issue, which I was blindsided by. And the upshot is that I left there angry that the very denomination that is talking the talk of economic, gender, racial, etc. diversity does not seem to be walking the walk. Postponing my candidacy will cost me thousands of dollars in grants and scholarships that are not available to me this year as an aspirant. I will also be held back a year and may not be able to get into the MFC in my final year of school. That will cost me a year of job searching. There didn't seem to be any recognition of this fact, or even forethought, that some of the recommendations they made, and the postponement will put me in a longer term, more precarious financial situation. I feel quite personally hurt by this, in terms of the faith I have put into our denomination spiritually, and also have some crushed idealism about whether we are capable of changing.

Regardless, the recommendations - CPE, counseling, financial planning, etc., are all good things that will help my ministerial formation; however, I could have done all the same things as a candidate, and have ended up in better financial shape at the end of the whole process. I already have an appointment with a new therapist, and a financial planner. I'm a can-do kind of gal.

I wasn't sure how transparent to be about all of this but you know, it seems like a good idea. I'm not perfect, and feedback is good, even if I don't agree all of it. Maybe another example of my ambivalence toward authority, but it's something I have to deal with, and they are good people who want to make good ministers. Nobody I've talked to really seems to be able to understand it, so maybe I just had a bad interview. The next one will be better. Though I have no idea when or how to set that up, since the whole system is changing in about 6 weeks. :::sigh:::

 The interview came on the tail end of two of the worst migraines I have ever had, one of which I drove to Boston with. My physical health has been an issue lately. After that difficult experience, I had to have extensive hand surgery a few days later, which has kept me mostly off the computer except for school and work. I still have a mid-term in process that is a week overdue and spring chores are calling my name. I am in a cast and already ripped half the stitches out of my finger, and am not dealing well with the whole healing process.

I saw the doctor (again) about the migraines and am on a new daily medication plus an acute migraine med. I spent 3 days after my surgery intentionally allowing myself to mope and rest. I watched a lot of 24. I did a lot of nothing and I am better for it, but now I'm ready to move on and my hand won't let me. I'm still having a lot of post-op bruising, swelling and pain (despite my attempts to do very little), and I'm out of patience. I have to wear this cast for another week.

My dad, who I am guardian for, has been having increasing health issues, and I am getting several calls a week from the nursing home lately. I'm trying to finish this semester, prepare for 11 weeks of full time CPE starting June 1, and be present and available to jumpstart my fall internship, should it be approved next month.

In the midst of all this, my independent contract job is causing me additional headaches. I was hired in January and have not yet gotten paid. Legal is holding everything up with contracts, but my bills aren't getting paid, and I just found out I am looking at a $300/month shortfall in another area. I feel utterly defeated tonight. we are already stretched so thin that I can't really imagine how to make that work and I already anticipate all the fun pushback I will get from my older kids about sacrificing more. They may say they understand, but that doesn't mean that I won't pay the price for it in other ways both intentional and not.

So, that's where I've been. I'm tired, and depressed, and not feeling very good about my path, my body, or my ability to function like a responsible grown-up today. I know it will all work out, but man, I am really tired.

So I want to write, I want to connect, but my soul needs to hibernate. Catch up. Rest. And there's just no time for that. I try to be pretty PollyAnna, but I'm feeling like it's OK to feel like crap right now. Everyone will just have to put up with me for a couple of weeks . 

That said, I have a lot of people in my thoughts and prayers. Breathe in peace. Breathe out love. I am grateful for spring days, fresh eggs, smiling children, a loving husband, and a comfy bed.

Spring, spring, spring

I started shopping for a new pair of sneakers a couple of weeks ago and couldn't find anything I liked. I last bought a pair of good Nike sneakers about 7 years ago, and they are shot. The backs are all broken down (this is why I tell my kids to untie their shoes!), and they are all stretched out and squished down and ewww!

But all the sneakers I looked at looked enormous on my feet, and I hated the colors (pink and purple are apparently the colors women like currently). So I decided I would have to spend a little more since I couldn't find anything reasonable that I would wear for the next 7 years. I finally, after a hideous shopping trip with four kids, one of whom desperately need a nap, came home with these:

 When I put them on my feet, I literally said, "aaaaahhhhh!" They felt sooo good. I can't believe how much lighter technology has made shoes since I last bought sneakers. Even the New Balance ones I tried on felt good, but these were like heaven. So I came home with a new pair of sneakers that I love. Now, if it would stop being wet and muddy outside, I could wear them a little more!

In other news, we had a series of days a couple of weeks ago where we didn't get any eggs from our chickens. I searched all the usual places, but no dice. Yesterday my husband discovered about 15 eggs in the old kitchen cabinet we keep on our front porch for our cats during the winter months. Yuck! Then we found one in the front yard! These chickens are weird. That reminds me though, I have 2 fresh eggs in my jacket pocket that I need to go put in the fridge.

Speaking of cats, I noticed the other day that our very old cat, Angus, who lives outside because he likes to pee on the bath mat, was very, very thin. He has long hair so I hadn't noticed until I picked him up. I got him some tuna fish and he went to town on it - I wondered if he had been having trouble eating hard food, though it seems as if he were eating regularly, according to my daughter, who feeds him every day. He had had major dental issues and doesn't have very many teeth, but he didn't seem to have any major issues when I checked him out the other day, other than the thinness. We bought some soft food and he ate a tiny bit the day before yesterday, but then yesterday he was gone. I've looked everywhere for him. Under the porch, in the chicken coop, in the garage, under the trailer...nada.

I am afraid he was sick and went somewhere to die. If the rain slows down, I"m going to go look for him again. Poor kitty :(.

It is a rainy, April-ish sort of day. I overslept - when I woke up, Lucy was watching a video, and Tom was long gone for work! Couldn't believe I slept through all that. I guess I'm making up for that hour I will lose tonight. I keep expecting it to get cold again, but weather reports call for high 40s and 50s all through next week. Awesome! I am disgusted when I look outside though - everything is so muddy, and the yard is a mess, and there is junk everywhere. I am in spring cleaning mode and can't do anything about it! I seriously want to rent a dumpster and get rid of TONS of stuff!

The next couple of weeks are going to continue to be busy, to wit: pre-op appointment, two scholarship essays, one mid-term paper, RSCC interview in Boston, meeting with my teaching pastor, and hand surgery for a bone spur on the 26th. Then it's spring break, haha! I'll be finishing financial aid info, working, and preparing some info for my church's board so I can apply for sponsorship (assuming I get candidacy from the RSCC).

I am holding on to the picture of the last two weeks of May before CPE starts full time plus for 11 weeks ;).

Wow, am I freaking old

For another 45 minutes, it's my oldest daughter's 14th birthday. WTF?! Fourteen? Come on. Really? What happened?

Because I am not kidding you, five minutes ago, I gave birth to this amazing 5 and a half pound screaming, red-raced baby, that was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. I fought off nurses who wanted to give her a bottle and who didn't want her to snuggle in bed with me. I didn't sleep for years. And I've got a lot more gray hair now. But let me tell you, it's worth every minute.

I am so proud to be her mom. She is smart and funny and pretty and did I mention smart? And she's a nice person and doesn't put up with any crap, and is a good communicator - better than a lot of adults I know. And she is mostly nice to her siblings (except Soren) and she is reliable and fun and athletic and has good taste.

It was nice to see so many of her friends today at ice skating. We sang and ate cake and drank soda, and (wow, I think I'm becoming a New Yorker because I almost typed pop instead of soda!), and it was really sweet.

14. Wow.

It was a gorgeous spring day to boot. 62F and balmy. We went to the park and hung out for a couple of hours. I saw the snow geese yesterday, and scads of Canadian geese migrating. Lots of cardinals and robins and woodpeckers.

I'm one lucky woman, let me tell you.

A little righteous indignation

I had an interesting conversation with my ex-husband and his wife last night. I wrote a sermon for class and got a good grade - but the professor's feedback was that it conveyed a lot of anger in a sermon about love. I got other feedback that didn't mention anger at all. I have been wrestling with this feedback for several weeks now, and trying to figure out if I should or shouldn't tweak it to make it somehow more accessible.

Of course I know that once you say something out loud, people are going to take it in a variety of ways, but this particularly interested me. The professor said that my sermon would alienate people who were already against my topic. :::shrug::: I doubt that anyone firmly entrenched in position is easily swayed by even calm, well-reasoned conversation either.

In any event, our conversation last night was about whether there's a place for some righteous indignation or even anger in a sermon. David's impression was that UU sermons tend to be too conciliatory (that's not the word he used, but I think that's the idea) and that a little well placed passion can be motivating for a congregation to hear. 

What think you? What kind of sermon motivates you? Do you feel offended by your minister being ticked off about a social justice issue?

Soulful Saturday

I went for my morning walk this morning, and even though it looked like spring, sounded like spring, and pretended to be spring, it was cold. But the robins are singing, as are the cardinals, geese are starting to migrate overhead (I'm watching for my annual snow geese sighting!), and on the way back, the sun was warmer on my face.

It's a lovely afternoon and I'm working on a short reflection on the Gospel of Matthew at Panera's. The little people won't leave me alone this week to focus on school and work, and I totally forgot about this assignment and pushed right on through to Luke. It's reading week, after all. I also didn't get time to study for my quiz coming up next week, but I'll get there.

It's been a whirlwind of tax preparation, getting financial aid info ready (still have to write some essays!) and final papers. I just turned in my last paper, a sermon, from my January classes. I'm so glad I didn't try to take anything at March intensives. Goodness.

In any event, I'm feeling the energy for spring, I got wonderful feedback on my sermon, and I'm enjoying the sunshine outside the window. Emma's at home wearing the little ones out in the snow, and Soren's at the gym. I'm inspired by this New Testament class, and especially like the text we're using, Global Bible Commentary. I just read Sugirtharajah's reflection on Matthew which talks about Gandhi's reaction to the NT, and it is fascinating, and really parallel to my own experience of the NT. Good stuff!

Wondering what a UU Sermon on the Mount would look like!

I've been using my UU "rosary" aka prayer beads every morning for a week now, with a very personal meditation, and am loving it. It is really tying together my morning meditation and gives me something to hook into later in the day when I need to get into a more connected space. I highly recommend the resources in the UUA's Tapestry of Faith adult curriculum.

I have my RSCC interview on the 22nd in Boston, am meeting with our Associate minister at my church next Saturday, and have to put together materials for our Board to ask them to sponsor me. What a whirlwind of writing and preparation, but it is all feeling really integraged and meaningful. Now if someone just add a few hours to each day!

Good news

I found out today that I've been accepted into the CPE (chaplaincy) program at Strong Hospital in Rochester. I am so relieved and hopeful about this placement. It will be for the summer - the end of May through August and difficult for everyone, I'm sure, as it's full time, plus a couple of on-call shifts. But I hope we can survive 11 weeks ;) And at least it's over the summer - the kids can sleep in and play outside, and have a relaxing time!

Now if I just get my date for my candidacy interview in Boston, I will feel all is right with the world (at least until I get there and am struck with all the nerves!).

I have a few scholarship essays to write and if I get my tax return in the next week, I'll be on track to turn in all my financial aid stuff for next year.

OK, off to read a bit more of Luke before I head to Wellspring!

Baby guilt

A sweet friend from church found out yesterday that she is miscarrying, and she had a stillbirth last year. She has the most beautiful son and is just a dear heart, as is her husband. I am devastated for her. I have baby guilt - it's kind of like white guilt, but it's about getting pregnant and popping out babies with ease. If I could do it for her today, I would.

A co-worker is dealing with family illness after a sudden death earlier this year, a local homeschool dad died tragically last week...it just seems like a good time to be grateful for my husband and children. I am so very blessed in so many ways. My church, my calling, my family, my friends, my community...it's all amazing, fantastic stuff.

Prayers and love go out to those in my life who are in pain tonight.

Good thoughts and Food

We have some people in our community who are dealing with death and illness, and I want to publicly express my grief and love for them. I am so grateful to be part of a community that is so loving and willing to step up in a time of need.

In more plebian news, I am in a serious, serious food rut. Like pizza, pasta and popcorn. I need some easy recipes that are for the love of God not chicken (but we're not vegetarian) that I can throw in my crock pot or make in a jiffy and that are cheap, and can be modified to be dairy free for the 1/3 of my family that cannot have any lactose. I am desperate here people. I'm tired of tomato sauce, chicken and pasta. Soups and fresh bread would be great, stews; tempting, hearty meals that I can make for my family and the aforementioned friends who are struggling with life's challenges right now

Kthxbye!

Transitions

Coming home from a meeting with my teaching pastor to loud, fighting children is...challenging. The mood is so different and the energy so different, that it's like being in a different universe sometimes.

However, the meeting was fab. We talked about my theology, New Testament, canon, some of my questions and things I need to work on, and brainstormed about internship. Does anyone know if the UUA offers money to congregations for funding interns? She really wants me to get a stipend but that could be a sticking point due to budgetary constraints.

I'm in scholarship app mode, so if anyone has resources, I'd love to hear them!

Dates, Youth Ministry, and the Joys of Vomit

It has been a busy couple of days. I spent a few hours trying to organize my list of books that I'm keeping for the MFC. It's a herculean task, as I read a lot, and I'm trying to figure out whether to do it by topic, by author, or what. I'm using EasyBib, so I can do them like citations AND keep a running list online that's already alphabetized. I'm also not sure what is pertinent, and what isn't. A lot of it could be considered under various competencies, so I guess I'll keep it all for now, and weed through it later on.

I still haven't received word about my RSCC interview date, or my CPE placement, or my possible internship. I don't like loose ends, so I hope to get some answers in the next week or so.

In the good kind of dates, my husband and I are going to try to set a date for ourselves to do something together. We've fallen into the habit of parenting, work, household management...and not much else. We are going to try some local hikes around the area to start with, and maybe do some obedience training with our Golden, who is being really annoying and pestering us a lot lately. We'd like to get him to walk off-leash without running away and thought we could work together on it. Any suggestions?

Today was exhausting. Lucy woke up at 1:30am, and I crawled into bed with her and fell asleep. At 4 am she woke up and threw up in my hands (had to protect the pillows, you know), and then again at 4:30, which I didn't quite catch. Around 4:45, I climbed back into bed, and Jude started coughing. He has allergies and his medicine wears off each night. He went down to my bed, and proceed to cough, and cough, and cough, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was so tired, I gave him cough syrup but not Benadryl, so it didn't help. I finally sent him back to his bed at 5:20, knowing I had to get up at 6. Ugh. He was amazingly good natured about it though.

I got to work at 8, and my boss was out today, so for the first time, I did K-5 youth worship for both services. I had one wonderful parent who co-led with me, and several other parents jumped in. My daughters helped too, and they were amazing! We did an Inventions theme, and broke into small groups, and each one of my kids plus a couple of other teens jumped in to help lead and do classroom management. They also helped setup, cleanup, and checked in with the preschool rooms.

After that, I led my Teen Soul Matters group, which I love. The kids are so awesome, and were so willing to try some hard stuff today - we really dug into spiritual practice, and some difficult topics around the idea of Curiosity. Really good stuff!

I love kids. They are so willing to try new things, and are so intuitive. I am so lucky to be involved with the youth at my church!

Confession

You know, Ash Wednesday just kind of up and missed me this year. As a recovering Catholic, I am usually attuned to the calendar of the Catholic church, but I don't know what happened this year.

In any event, I realized that I kind of miss confession. I would like a little absolution for my sins. I feel like a crappy parent a good deal of the time, thanks to my ex-husband's voice in my head, my mother's bad parenting influence, and my own innate failings. I feel like a bad wife because I am definitely a feminist and not a product of the 50s, cellophane crowd; and I am FAIL at remembering birthdays and things.

I don't think I've committed too many of the seven cardinal sins this year. But in all seriousness, there is a part of me that misses the ritual of that confession with the priest; the Hail Mary's and Our Father's. The Creed. The Rosary.

Maybe some of this is coming from a titillating discussion in my New Testament class on canon. Ritual and liturgy and law, theology. There must be a reason why it is so attractive to people. UUism doesn't make it that easy. We talk about free and responsible search and all that. I seem to always take the more difficult road. My mother says I need a t-shirt that says "Preacher for All People." I kinda like that!

In any event, I am considering making Lent a time of spiritual practice, though I don't get to go to confession. Now to decide which sin I am to work on!

And lest anyone think I'm making light of Lent, I am absolutely not. I found it a very wonderful spiritual practice throughout my childhood, and am wondering if there might be a way to revive that sense of connection to the holy.

The Bible and Meaning

I was raised Roman Catholic and was not encouraged to read the Bible. I don't know if it was because I was a girl, or because it was to be interpreted by the priests, or what, but it always felt inaccessible to me, and even the stories didn't engage me.

When I tried to read the Bible as a young adult, I couldn't do it. I couldn't slog through all those begats. Now that I'm getting to study the Bible for the first time, I am really starting to get the context of living in a country with such a large Christian demographic.

So, I guess I"m interested in how UUs and everyone else accesses the Bible. Does it bring meaning to your life? What are your favorite verses? Why? How does it inform your life; how does it create transformation?

What other stories and books and poems do you find useful and transformational in your life? (because God knows, I don't have a long enough wish list at Amazon already!)

Transformational Moments

Two things happened today. One was a marvelous service at First Unitarian Church of Rochester. There was much laughter, but the best part for me was after the second service. Our ministers are married, and the husband read the poem Changed Man, that he gave his wife for Valentine's Day today. When they came out after the service, as they always to, to greet everyone leaving, Kaaren rushed out and hugged and kissed her husband. It was a private moment. A moment of deep love, and understanding, and so very moving. It reminded me of how much I love my husband and my family. Of how much I love the church and my ministers. Of how glad I am that they have each other.

The second was that I was assigned to interview someone about where they see religiosity in their community work. I won't say too much here, other than that she had never thought of what she did in terms of her religious beliefs and traditions, and that she visibly became moved by the realization. That, my friends, is what ministry is about. Watching those moments of transformation. being afforded the grace to be present for those moments, and to be a part, however small, of something nothing short of miraculous. Faith, love, service, community, binding together- that is what ministry is about, regardless of what we call our institutional religion.

Beautiful.

Religion and class

Some more quotes from my class reading that resonate with my unending concern about UUism (and religion in general) and class, and war:

Harvey Cox: "the characterization made a few years back by Philip Scharper that ‘most of the theologians -- Protestant and Catholic -- who have had such a heavy influence on American theologians and American theology have tended to be, almost by definition, members of tile upper-middle class, indeed forming something of an intellectual elite’ (Catholic Mind, April 1976, p. 18). This is a problem that even the most skillful editorial selection cannot avoid. Why?

He goes on to talk about privilege and economics allowing for leisure to study...

“Religion has very often been nothing more than the superfluous consecration of some situation or action which was neither judged nor transformed by this consecration. Religion has consecrated the feudal order and its own participation in it without transcending it. Religion has consecrated nationalism without transforming it. Religion has consecrated democracy without judging it. Religion has consecrated war and arms of war without using its spiritual arms against war. Religion has consecrated peace and the security of peace without disturbing this security with its spiritual threat. Religion has consecrated the bourgeois ideal of family and property without judging it and has consecrated systems of exploitation of men by men without transcending them; on the contrary, it has used them for its own benefit.The first word, therefore, to be spoken by religion to the people of our time must be a word spoken against religion. It is the word the old Jewish prophets spoke against the priestly and royal and pseudo-prophetic guardians of their national religion, who consecrated distorted institutions and distorted politics without judging them.

 So how can people of faith, or people of no faith, who engage in social justice work, stand up and speak? What is it about religion that allows us to hide behind it without living into the values it espouses?


Tillich: "The same word must be spoken today about our religious institutions and politics. Will religion in this country, in this moment of history, simply follow the trend of events, the way public opinion runs, the direction in which the makers of public opinion want us to move? Will religion, after it has consecrated a self-complacent and egoistic enthusiasm for peace, consecrate self-intoxication with war? Will religion in our situation transcend our situation or not?” (Tillich, “The Word of Religion,” The Protestant Era).

Interesting, especially given our offensive in Afghanistan today. Just War. Is it an oxymoron?

Defining Religion

"Traditional religions are not universal: they are tribal and national. Each religion is bound and limited to the people among whom it has evolved. One traditional religion cannot be propagated in another tribal group. This does not rule out the fact that religious ideas may spread from on e people to another. But such ideas spread spontaneously, especially through migrations, intermarriage, conquest, or expert knowledge being sought by individuals of one tribal group from another” (Mbiti, African Religions and Philosophy, 4).

I'm doing some reading on the definition of religion and found this interesting, especially as contrasted to what J.Z. Smith says,"The most common form of classifying religions, found both in native categories and scholarly literature, is dualistic and can be reduced, regardless of what differentium is employed, to ‘theirs’ and ‘ours.’”


It is enlightening to finally be exposed to non-Western concepts of religion. It helps to see where I make assumptions about what I think of religion, and what I expect others to think. There is a much broader swath of defintion around religion, faith, and religiosity than I have explored - not to say that I didn't experience these ideas on the fringes of my experience, but I didn't get down in the dirt with them and plant my own seeds of wonder, and let a forest grow.


This also helps me to work on my right-brain capacity for approaching ministry in a creative way, and to understand that even those who are steeped in Western enlightenment ideas about religion will be excited about and access religion in different ways, if given the opportunity. Or maybe they'll burn me at the stake, who knows ;)