Tuesday Win!

I feel like my brain is overflowing, which makes it hard to be truly present at all. Ever. I have New Testatment readings from four books, readings for Community Studies, my site work goals (and 8 hours a week there), two part-time jobs, and homeschooling the kids.

Jude and Lucy are suddenly fascinated with learning to write, and for Jude, to start reading. It's really exciting, and I'm spending a dedicated portion of every morning reading and helping them with letters. Yesterday, we spent 45 minutes practicing different numbers and letters by tracing them in flour with the index finger. They loved it! Jude even wrote some letters in his workbook with a pencil.

Today, I managed to do what I wanted to accomplish for the first time since I got home! 3 hours of work, getting everyone where they needed to go, minor cleaning, and I had dinner ready when my husband got home! Now I have a meeting for school and a sermon on gay marriage to finish, but I don't have to work tonight (unless I make some phone calls for church).

I feel so accomplished! My joy seems to be coming back. I attribute it to a kid at the shelter who unexpectedly hugs me at random moments. Grace appears where you least expect it.

I am a woman
born of God
I am a woman
born of love

I am caring and competent
vulnerable and powerful
seeking wholeness
physically, emotionally, and spiritually

I am a woman
reaching out to others
making a difference in myself
my family
community
church and the world

I am empowering myself
to empower others

I am struggling to accept my anger
and use it to gain strength, confidence,
courage, and intimacy with others

I am a woman
who sees the interconnectedness of all human beings
who values the unique gifts of all

I am a woman who leads and follows
who accepts responsibility for myself
and the choices I make

Yes, I am a woman
who sees each day as a new beginning
a chance to grow in self, love and service

I am a woman
born of God
I am a woman
born of love
And I can be
All that I am

- Ms. Katherine Tyler Scott, in Women's Uncommon Prayer Book

Recharging

I was just getting to a place where I had a good routine, had embraced being present in day to day parenting and home care...and just like a baby's naptime, everything changed.

Now I am trying to adjust to working again, preparing for outdoor activities as the weather warms up, and scaling back our day to day activities to make life more manageable (much to the detriment of my daughters' social life, apparently).

Even without enough work to sustain us, Tom has been out looking at possible projects, networking, talking to people, etc., so I haven't had much of a break from the day to day childrearing stuff, even since starting work. After the first two weeks, I really needed to get energized.

It just so happens that the 4th week of each month has two mom-recharging activities that I never make it to, but this month, I got to go to both. Thursday night was a homeschool mom meeting and last night was UU Mom's night out. Both were wonderful times of community, shared resources and struggles, and energizing.

Well, and dinner out included marguaritas. You can't beat that!

Snow and contentment

It is an absolutely delightful, fluffy, wet, dog snuffling through it, kind of snow here. I just grinned through our whole walk this morning, at Jakob's joy, at snowflakes on my nose, at stamping it off my boots, at the silence it creates.

It was a wonderful way to begin my day, hot cup of coffee in hand.

The woodstove is cranking away, laundry drying in front of it, sending up extra good smells, and the kids are rushing around getting ready to go out and play. How much more content could I be? This is the life I envisioned myself in, and here I am.

I enjoyed Wellspring very much last night. I had signed up to lead a prayer, and did a loving-kindness meditation from Pema Chodron's book, The Places That Scare You. I think that it went well. I was nervous, but just gave myself over to fate. I practiced it on the older girls first, which was a hoot, because we were fighting and crabby and rushing to get out the door yesterday and they just insisted I do it with them anyway, and it really changed our whole mood.

The group had an interesting discussion Unitarian history, and as always, the different viewpoints are enlightening. As always, the lesson I take away is to listen. Attend.

I was up very late night chatting with a friend and studying but I slept better than I have in several weeks, and the littles slept through the night for the first time in a long time as well. I feel rested and warm and fuzzy!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig

It's so good to be home again. The kids and I left early Friday morning for a visit to my hometown and my parents. We had a great trip both ways in the car - nobody got beat up or grounded (there may have been occasional loss-of-dessert privileges however), and the gas prices were $.50/gal. cheaper in PA than in NY which was a nice treat.

We went straight to my dad's nursing home, before my son's head exploded. He had been asking for a week if it was the weekend yet, and we could see Papa George. My dad was as "on" as I've seen him in two years. We visited three times and all the visits were wonderful, with very little inappropriate stuff on his part, and much joy and fun on Jude's part. It's harder for the girls because they're intimidated by the dementia/Alzheimer's patients, who are lonely, and lost, and a little too in-your-face to kids sometimes, but Jude was a joy. He talked happily to everyone, and cheered up the whole floor. The elderly women there just love him to death, and I wish he could visit everyday. He spent most of the first visit standing next to my dad's chair with his elbow resting on dad's shoulder, talking a mile a minute.

It was really hard to leave him today - the patients make me so sad, and I hate leaving him; I'm glad we have plans to go back next month for the holidays.

We also visited with my mom, and we had just the most amazing discussions about my calling and religion and spirituality. I think really, the most honest and non-confrontational talks we've had ... ever? Really. I look forward to more of the same. I left her with my copy of A Chosen Faith, and we cooked together and she made ham sandwiches for us to bring home on our trip. Nobody makes a ham sandwich like my mom. Despite all our differences, there is something about being fed by my mom that keeps me connected to her.

We also had the joy of visiting with my friend Jane, who always nurtures us. We stayed overnight and the girls got to visit with her girls, so they all disappeared and great fun and conversation was had. It's always like we've never been separated, which is the gift of true friendship. We also visited with my newly married friends Keith and Erica, who made us delicious pancakes for breakfast and provided me with a wireless fix! They also kept me plied with my morning coffee and I got to snuggle with their golden retreiver, which made me miss Jakob a little less.

We also got to visit the UUFCC, which was SO great. The sermon was on Ethical Eating, and having been subjected to one recently that made me mostly pissed off, it was great. Rev. Mark is a wonderfully conversational minister, which I had forgotten, and it was a joy to hear him speak again. It was also wonderful to see so many old friends and to realize that those connections have stayed strong. The funniest part of the service was the Opening words. Mark said the words and went to light the chalice, and Lucy, quite clearly said, "Ohhh Kayyy!" It was a perfect toddler Amen! I listened to 1/2 of the service from the nursery, which they have kindly added speakers to since I last attended.

And I must have one of their cool new coffee mugs!

The older girls went to class and had a blast with their teachers, one a former mentor of mine - I can't wait to visit again. I was tickled to look out the sanctuary doors and see Nittany Mountain while listening to my former violin teacher play the prelude.

We missed home and it's good to be back, but this trip was remarkable for it's ease. The kids are getting so much easier to travel with. And Tom and Jakob were happy to see us, and Tom got his chores done and even vacuumed and made chicken soup for our homecoming!

Autumn - a time for good smells

You know, like the leaves as they're turning colors and falling? This weekend will be full of them. We raked today, which turns up scents of soil, wet leaves and grass. There's the musty scent of the studio, where we stored our summer outdoor furniture today.

Emma made banana bread this week, which smelled of cold days an warm baking, and they brought in the crisp smell of snow, when they bundled up and went to catch the first flakes on their noses on Wednesday. And the dog smelled of snow and wet, and snuffled through the cold leaves with joy and vigor on our walk.

And tomorrow, universe willing, will be the smell of woodsmoke. (Just in time for it to be in the high 60s and 70s next week). Our new wood stove arrived this week with the chimney liner, and the wood is dumped in the front yard today, ready for me to stack tomorrow (bet I'll be sore on Sunday). I love the smell of wood smoke. And I can't wait to have a warm bedroom for the first time (well, other than summer) since we moved in. The woodstove is going in the laundry room, hardly a place to sit and have cocoa, but I plan to put a chair in there anyway!