Last weekend, a friend of mine preached at my internship congregation, and at the end, she charged us with looking at Lent as an opportunity to reflect and act on our interdependence with all of creation. I was raised Catholic, and I actually really loved Lent and the rituals around it. One of the reasons is probably that I didn't feel that I answered to God, but to my parents. One year I gave up TV for Lent, and On Golden Pond was being shown, and I was able to negotiate an extension of Lent by a day in order to watch it.
But now there is no negotiating, except with myself, so I was determined to take Libby's charge seriously. So we have given up paper products (meaning paper plates, paper towels, and paper napkins) for the duration of Lent. So far it's going pretty well, and everyone is on board with it. It's a good spiritual practice to be aware of our carbon footprint, and how much waste we generate as an already large family of six.
The idea of privation, or making sacrifice is not unheard of for my children; we aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, and we regularly reuse, recycle, etc. But this is a very intentional practice, and it's been interesting to watch how everyone does it. I did threaten to make us use cloth toilet paper, but everyone insisted that was going too far and threatened to mutiny. I countered that it wasn't different than using cloth wipes that we washed and reused with cloth diapers when each child was a baby, but I didn't get very far! Apparently non-diapered butts require paper products ;).
In other news, I actually believe that spring might arrive someday, despite the weather report that says it will be in the teens tonight. There has been a tremendous migration of geese, which is one of the joys of living in the Finger Lakes region of New York. I saw an entire field white with snow geese the other day, with hundreds more filling the sky. On the Thruway over the last three days, there have been Vs of Canadian geese as far as the eye can see; it never ends. I have also seen a number of heron pairs and heard a mourning dove this morning.
I am hopeful that spring will bring a fresh start. The last 12 months have been one difficulty after another it seems. Today was no exception. Since last March, I have had two hand surgeries, and just found out that I have to have a much more extensive one next Friday, on my dominant hand, for a large cyst that is wrapped around my tendons. That pretty much eliminates gardening again this summer, much to my dismay.
My mother went into the hospital with congestive heart failure today. She has been in the hospital numerous times in the last three years, but her breathing is getting worse. She has fluid in her lungs and they suspect she has had another heart attack. My mother-in-law has been in the hospital 3 times since October, with a total of 5 weeks just since Christmas. My father died in November. I've been in and out of court with my ex-husband over child support twice, and have to go on Wednesday again, because he has filed a custody and educational modification around custodial time and homeschooling. I have been struggling with migraines and medication issues since last April.
In less than a month, I return to the RSCC, (for those not UU, it's part of the process of ministry) and I certainly have learned a lot in the last year. I have learned that crisis is not in my vocabulary. Between seminary, parenting, homeschooling, working, internship, volunteering, cleaning, and very little sleep, I have learned to take each day as it comes. I have learned that my daily spiritual practice pays off. I have learned to be much more patient, to listen more, and to incorporate silence and self-care into every single day. I've learned just how very rich I am in friends, and how right I was to follow the call into ministry.
There have been some wonderful things that have happened this year. My children are growing up and becoming more fabulous all the time. My husband is pursuing his own journey of personal transformation. I am in love with my teaching congregation. I have food; shelter; snuggly husband, pets and children; and so much love in my life.
So I guess spring will bring what it must, and life will happen, just as it always does, bringing challenge and grace, a day at a time. Namaste to all who have carried my journey with them in their prayers and hearts this year. Just a few more - for my mother, for the best outcome at court on Wednesday, and for a successful surgery next Friday, with a fast recovery.
Showing posts with label spiritual practice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual practice. Show all posts
Monday, March 14, 2011
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Morning Thoughts
I've been reflecting on my daily spiritual practice a lot lately, thanks to Wellspring starting up again. It has gone through some changes over the last several years, and I find it oddly amusing that it is currently working best in its original incarnation - walking, letting thoughts go, intentionally listening to the world. I find that right now, in this time, morning meditation, if I can stop making lists in my head long enough, allows for some of my best and most introspective thinking.
I have several sermons to compose soon, and I often come home from walking inspired to write, and with a clear head.
The last three weeks have left me, like Josephine March, with a rumpled mind. The start of the school year for myself and even for my homeschooled kids, is always a time of transition. New schedules, new studies, new demands on our time, all create good and bad stress on the family system. The last six months, my morning meditation has been more regimented, with specific guided meditations using prayer beads. But I found myself no longer feeling filled up by it; all the noise of my life has left me aching for silence. I cannot wait until the end of the day when everyone goes to bed and I can be alone, just for a little while, with nothing but silence.
So silence is what I create on my morning walks. Silence to reflect, and mostly to just be. I find myself filled with curiosity about what the next incarnation of my practice will become.
I have several sermons to compose soon, and I often come home from walking inspired to write, and with a clear head.
The last three weeks have left me, like Josephine March, with a rumpled mind. The start of the school year for myself and even for my homeschooled kids, is always a time of transition. New schedules, new studies, new demands on our time, all create good and bad stress on the family system. The last six months, my morning meditation has been more regimented, with specific guided meditations using prayer beads. But I found myself no longer feeling filled up by it; all the noise of my life has left me aching for silence. I cannot wait until the end of the day when everyone goes to bed and I can be alone, just for a little while, with nothing but silence.
So silence is what I create on my morning walks. Silence to reflect, and mostly to just be. I find myself filled with curiosity about what the next incarnation of my practice will become.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
On becoming
I remember when I first went to visit a spiritual director as part of small group ministry that I was involved in two years ago, and I told her, "I have done so much growing already...it's sometimes frustrating when I get glimpses of how much more I have to do." Chaplaincy training is another place where you face that realization just about every day.
Another conversation that ended up being very true was when the student chaplain at Meadville Lombard told my triad group (my triad met weekly for course work, and met with the chaplain monthly) that seminary was in a lot of ways a way of breaking us down into small pieces so we could put them all back together again - theologically, emotionally, sometimes even physically, due to the intense need for self care.
When I was a child, I was Catholic, and I had transcendent experiences of God. I had faith in a supernatural Father, and I prayed to Him, and felt His presence in my life. At some point though, existential questions of suffering in my life, and perhaps even a biology of atheism, took away that personal relationship with a Christian God (and it was always a relationship with God, not with Jesus, or even Mary, which is perhaps why it was so natural to become a Unitarian Universalist).
I continued to have transcendental experiences in my life - moments of becoming, of growing, of mystical connection with other people, with nature, with something more - and those experiences are what keep me an agnostic, that make me a person who is aware of the unknown, and of possibility, while still subscribing to Occam's Razor. In a recent post about prayer, I explored some of my thoughts about prayer as a person of non-traditional faith, and I refound this quote that spoke to me. As a religious humanist, I am a cosmic theist, in that I believe in the transcendent immanence of God, which some might call panentheism. However, I have not felt that personal transcendent experience of God (and I realize that is a loaded word) very often as an adult.
I remember being about 10, during the Cold War, and thinking about how infinitely stupid adults were, as a I lay awake, fearful of bombs falling on my house or my school. And I remember an image of physically tucking that thought away into the back of my 10 year old mind, and telling myself that I would never forget to realize that adults were stupid. That we complicate things unnecessarily for ourselves, which results in all sorts of negative consequences in our lives, our social networks, our world. More on this later.
This morning, when I was meditating, I felt God (again, that loaded word, especially for me, as an agnostic) as a presence. I believe in connections, in something greater than the sum our our living, aware parts. And that not only showed up for me this morning but has been with me, as a presence, in the room, all day. It's kind of frightening actually - I mean, I actually thought, perhaps I am having a mental breakdown of some sort ;).But, I am a levelheaded kind of gal, and I am pretty sure I know how this actual feeling of presence has come back into my life.
For some time now, I have been wrestling with prayer, my love of Catholic tradition from my childhood, and with how to make my daily spiritual practice more meaningful, which I have, through ritualistic meditation each day. But it hasn't been until the last 4 weeks of chaplaincy that I have prayed, really prayed with people. And the part where being as a child (as Jesus himself would remind us) comes in, is that it doesn't have to be complicated. I don't have to get caught up in the words God, or Jesus, or Christ, or heaven, or sin. My role as a chaplain is to be present with people, to help them be, to serve with humility. It doesn't really matter what I believe in that moment - it matters that I can connect with that person, and that we create something through our relationship in that moment. If I can let go of my baggage about semantics (and as a writer and editor for many years, many that know me well will know that's a difficult task), and just be in the moment of wonder and (God) and creation, then that has the potential to become transcendent.
This prayer that I have been engaged in and wrestled with, and felt awkward in and powerful in - that has changed my spiritual practice. Again:
"When I pray, the humanist in me is patient but nonplussed, asking who I think I am talking to, and I reply that I don't know, but I do it anyway, my breath casting words into the seemingly unanswering air. Perhaps it is only my need to make the universe personal and intimate. I know myself to be a personal and intimate being, and it seems not totally impossible that the powers which cast me with these qualities, which enables me to be both rational and poetic, may be the same as I, writ large." -- Frances E. West
Humanism is a based on reason and compassion - but that religious piece of humanism does not have to exclude God (or at least I take the liberty as a UU to say so).
And the question is so what? Why do I do this ministry? Now that I can catch my breath in week four, when I can think again about congregational work, community work, and chaplaincy, it becomes very clear that my moral authority as a minister is in not only becoming more authentically myself, but in journeying with others in their own journey of becoming. It's about right relation as a position of moral authority, and about radical hospitality. As a ministry, radical hospitality is breaking down that sin of disconnection that is the root of so much human pain and suffering. Ministry is about finding a theology that makes sense of that sin - not in the sense of predestination, or bargaining with some higher power, or even understanding it - but making sense of it and figuring out how to live our lives that we have the best we can.
One day, I dropped my son off at his Waldorf program and one of the church staff (where we meet) was being (in my mind) quite rude to a new mom who had parked in the wrong place. I was pretty ticked off about his behavior, and my son's teacher, Lynne, who is just a gentle saint of a woman, put her hand on my arm and gently said, "He's doing the best he can." In the moment, that answer didn't feel like enough, but now it does. Ministry is about helping people do the best they can, without judgment and with humility. And that includes me. Sometimes the best I can do doesn't feel like very much, but that's OK sometimes.
Another conversation that ended up being very true was when the student chaplain at Meadville Lombard told my triad group (my triad met weekly for course work, and met with the chaplain monthly) that seminary was in a lot of ways a way of breaking us down into small pieces so we could put them all back together again - theologically, emotionally, sometimes even physically, due to the intense need for self care.
When I was a child, I was Catholic, and I had transcendent experiences of God. I had faith in a supernatural Father, and I prayed to Him, and felt His presence in my life. At some point though, existential questions of suffering in my life, and perhaps even a biology of atheism, took away that personal relationship with a Christian God (and it was always a relationship with God, not with Jesus, or even Mary, which is perhaps why it was so natural to become a Unitarian Universalist).
I continued to have transcendental experiences in my life - moments of becoming, of growing, of mystical connection with other people, with nature, with something more - and those experiences are what keep me an agnostic, that make me a person who is aware of the unknown, and of possibility, while still subscribing to Occam's Razor. In a recent post about prayer, I explored some of my thoughts about prayer as a person of non-traditional faith, and I refound this quote that spoke to me. As a religious humanist, I am a cosmic theist, in that I believe in the transcendent immanence of God, which some might call panentheism. However, I have not felt that personal transcendent experience of God (and I realize that is a loaded word) very often as an adult.
I remember being about 10, during the Cold War, and thinking about how infinitely stupid adults were, as a I lay awake, fearful of bombs falling on my house or my school. And I remember an image of physically tucking that thought away into the back of my 10 year old mind, and telling myself that I would never forget to realize that adults were stupid. That we complicate things unnecessarily for ourselves, which results in all sorts of negative consequences in our lives, our social networks, our world. More on this later.
This morning, when I was meditating, I felt God (again, that loaded word, especially for me, as an agnostic) as a presence. I believe in connections, in something greater than the sum our our living, aware parts. And that not only showed up for me this morning but has been with me, as a presence, in the room, all day. It's kind of frightening actually - I mean, I actually thought, perhaps I am having a mental breakdown of some sort ;).But, I am a levelheaded kind of gal, and I am pretty sure I know how this actual feeling of presence has come back into my life.
For some time now, I have been wrestling with prayer, my love of Catholic tradition from my childhood, and with how to make my daily spiritual practice more meaningful, which I have, through ritualistic meditation each day. But it hasn't been until the last 4 weeks of chaplaincy that I have prayed, really prayed with people. And the part where being as a child (as Jesus himself would remind us) comes in, is that it doesn't have to be complicated. I don't have to get caught up in the words God, or Jesus, or Christ, or heaven, or sin. My role as a chaplain is to be present with people, to help them be, to serve with humility. It doesn't really matter what I believe in that moment - it matters that I can connect with that person, and that we create something through our relationship in that moment. If I can let go of my baggage about semantics (and as a writer and editor for many years, many that know me well will know that's a difficult task), and just be in the moment of wonder and (God) and creation, then that has the potential to become transcendent.
This prayer that I have been engaged in and wrestled with, and felt awkward in and powerful in - that has changed my spiritual practice. Again:
"When I pray, the humanist in me is patient but nonplussed, asking who I think I am talking to, and I reply that I don't know, but I do it anyway, my breath casting words into the seemingly unanswering air. Perhaps it is only my need to make the universe personal and intimate. I know myself to be a personal and intimate being, and it seems not totally impossible that the powers which cast me with these qualities, which enables me to be both rational and poetic, may be the same as I, writ large." -- Frances E. West
Humanism is a based on reason and compassion - but that religious piece of humanism does not have to exclude God (or at least I take the liberty as a UU to say so).
And the question is so what? Why do I do this ministry? Now that I can catch my breath in week four, when I can think again about congregational work, community work, and chaplaincy, it becomes very clear that my moral authority as a minister is in not only becoming more authentically myself, but in journeying with others in their own journey of becoming. It's about right relation as a position of moral authority, and about radical hospitality. As a ministry, radical hospitality is breaking down that sin of disconnection that is the root of so much human pain and suffering. Ministry is about finding a theology that makes sense of that sin - not in the sense of predestination, or bargaining with some higher power, or even understanding it - but making sense of it and figuring out how to live our lives that we have the best we can.
One day, I dropped my son off at his Waldorf program and one of the church staff (where we meet) was being (in my mind) quite rude to a new mom who had parked in the wrong place. I was pretty ticked off about his behavior, and my son's teacher, Lynne, who is just a gentle saint of a woman, put her hand on my arm and gently said, "He's doing the best he can." In the moment, that answer didn't feel like enough, but now it does. Ministry is about helping people do the best they can, without judgment and with humility. And that includes me. Sometimes the best I can do doesn't feel like very much, but that's OK sometimes.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Soulful Saturday
I went for my morning walk this morning, and even though it looked like spring, sounded like spring, and pretended to be spring, it was cold. But the robins are singing, as are the cardinals, geese are starting to migrate overhead (I'm watching for my annual snow geese sighting!), and on the way back, the sun was warmer on my face.
It's a lovely afternoon and I'm working on a short reflection on the Gospel of Matthew at Panera's. The little people won't leave me alone this week to focus on school and work, and I totally forgot about this assignment and pushed right on through to Luke. It's reading week, after all. I also didn't get time to study for my quiz coming up next week, but I'll get there.
It's been a whirlwind of tax preparation, getting financial aid info ready (still have to write some essays!) and final papers. I just turned in my last paper, a sermon, from my January classes. I'm so glad I didn't try to take anything at March intensives. Goodness.
In any event, I'm feeling the energy for spring, I got wonderful feedback on my sermon, and I'm enjoying the sunshine outside the window. Emma's at home wearing the little ones out in the snow, and Soren's at the gym. I'm inspired by this New Testament class, and especially like the text we're using, Global Bible Commentary. I just read Sugirtharajah's reflection on Matthew which talks about Gandhi's reaction to the NT, and it is fascinating, and really parallel to my own experience of the NT. Good stuff!
Wondering what a UU Sermon on the Mount would look like!
I've been using my UU "rosary" aka prayer beads every morning for a week now, with a very personal meditation, and am loving it. It is really tying together my morning meditation and gives me something to hook into later in the day when I need to get into a more connected space. I highly recommend the resources in the UUA's Tapestry of Faith adult curriculum.
I have my RSCC interview on the 22nd in Boston, am meeting with our Associate minister at my church next Saturday, and have to put together materials for our Board to ask them to sponsor me. What a whirlwind of writing and preparation, but it is all feeling really integraged and meaningful. Now if someone just add a few hours to each day!
It's a lovely afternoon and I'm working on a short reflection on the Gospel of Matthew at Panera's. The little people won't leave me alone this week to focus on school and work, and I totally forgot about this assignment and pushed right on through to Luke. It's reading week, after all. I also didn't get time to study for my quiz coming up next week, but I'll get there.
It's been a whirlwind of tax preparation, getting financial aid info ready (still have to write some essays!) and final papers. I just turned in my last paper, a sermon, from my January classes. I'm so glad I didn't try to take anything at March intensives. Goodness.
In any event, I'm feeling the energy for spring, I got wonderful feedback on my sermon, and I'm enjoying the sunshine outside the window. Emma's at home wearing the little ones out in the snow, and Soren's at the gym. I'm inspired by this New Testament class, and especially like the text we're using, Global Bible Commentary. I just read Sugirtharajah's reflection on Matthew which talks about Gandhi's reaction to the NT, and it is fascinating, and really parallel to my own experience of the NT. Good stuff!
Wondering what a UU Sermon on the Mount would look like!
I've been using my UU "rosary" aka prayer beads every morning for a week now, with a very personal meditation, and am loving it. It is really tying together my morning meditation and gives me something to hook into later in the day when I need to get into a more connected space. I highly recommend the resources in the UUA's Tapestry of Faith adult curriculum.
I have my RSCC interview on the 22nd in Boston, am meeting with our Associate minister at my church next Saturday, and have to put together materials for our Board to ask them to sponsor me. What a whirlwind of writing and preparation, but it is all feeling really integraged and meaningful. Now if someone just add a few hours to each day!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Dates, Youth Ministry, and the Joys of Vomit
It has been a busy couple of days. I spent a few hours trying to organize my list of books that I'm keeping for the MFC. It's a herculean task, as I read a lot, and I'm trying to figure out whether to do it by topic, by author, or what. I'm using EasyBib, so I can do them like citations AND keep a running list online that's already alphabetized. I'm also not sure what is pertinent, and what isn't. A lot of it could be considered under various competencies, so I guess I'll keep it all for now, and weed through it later on.
I still haven't received word about my RSCC interview date, or my CPE placement, or my possible internship. I don't like loose ends, so I hope to get some answers in the next week or so.
In the good kind of dates, my husband and I are going to try to set a date for ourselves to do something together. We've fallen into the habit of parenting, work, household management...and not much else. We are going to try some local hikes around the area to start with, and maybe do some obedience training with our Golden, who is being really annoying and pestering us a lot lately. We'd like to get him to walk off-leash without running away and thought we could work together on it. Any suggestions?
Today was exhausting. Lucy woke up at 1:30am, and I crawled into bed with her and fell asleep. At 4 am she woke up and threw up in my hands (had to protect the pillows, you know), and then again at 4:30, which I didn't quite catch. Around 4:45, I climbed back into bed, and Jude started coughing. He has allergies and his medicine wears off each night. He went down to my bed, and proceed to cough, and cough, and cough, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was so tired, I gave him cough syrup but not Benadryl, so it didn't help. I finally sent him back to his bed at 5:20, knowing I had to get up at 6. Ugh. He was amazingly good natured about it though.
I got to work at 8, and my boss was out today, so for the first time, I did K-5 youth worship for both services. I had one wonderful parent who co-led with me, and several other parents jumped in. My daughters helped too, and they were amazing! We did an Inventions theme, and broke into small groups, and each one of my kids plus a couple of other teens jumped in to help lead and do classroom management. They also helped setup, cleanup, and checked in with the preschool rooms.
After that, I led my Teen Soul Matters group, which I love. The kids are so awesome, and were so willing to try some hard stuff today - we really dug into spiritual practice, and some difficult topics around the idea of Curiosity. Really good stuff!
I love kids. They are so willing to try new things, and are so intuitive. I am so lucky to be involved with the youth at my church!
I still haven't received word about my RSCC interview date, or my CPE placement, or my possible internship. I don't like loose ends, so I hope to get some answers in the next week or so.
In the good kind of dates, my husband and I are going to try to set a date for ourselves to do something together. We've fallen into the habit of parenting, work, household management...and not much else. We are going to try some local hikes around the area to start with, and maybe do some obedience training with our Golden, who is being really annoying and pestering us a lot lately. We'd like to get him to walk off-leash without running away and thought we could work together on it. Any suggestions?
Today was exhausting. Lucy woke up at 1:30am, and I crawled into bed with her and fell asleep. At 4 am she woke up and threw up in my hands (had to protect the pillows, you know), and then again at 4:30, which I didn't quite catch. Around 4:45, I climbed back into bed, and Jude started coughing. He has allergies and his medicine wears off each night. He went down to my bed, and proceed to cough, and cough, and cough, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was so tired, I gave him cough syrup but not Benadryl, so it didn't help. I finally sent him back to his bed at 5:20, knowing I had to get up at 6. Ugh. He was amazingly good natured about it though.
I got to work at 8, and my boss was out today, so for the first time, I did K-5 youth worship for both services. I had one wonderful parent who co-led with me, and several other parents jumped in. My daughters helped too, and they were amazing! We did an Inventions theme, and broke into small groups, and each one of my kids plus a couple of other teens jumped in to help lead and do classroom management. They also helped setup, cleanup, and checked in with the preschool rooms.
After that, I led my Teen Soul Matters group, which I love. The kids are so awesome, and were so willing to try some hard stuff today - we really dug into spiritual practice, and some difficult topics around the idea of Curiosity. Really good stuff!
I love kids. They are so willing to try new things, and are so intuitive. I am so lucky to be involved with the youth at my church!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Growing Edges
I feel like FAIL this last few days. I tried to communicate about some issues on an email loop, and the person decided to ignore me rather than come to some agreement about how to resolve it. I was told that it sounded like bickering, though that was not my intention at all.I'm not sure how else I could have asked about the reasoning for the decisions made. There obviously must have been a better way. Being direct apparently didn't work, and alienated more than one person from the conversation, even though I was not trying to be contentious.
I totally lost my temper with my ex-husband this weekend. I am still trying to recover, and I'm sure he is too.
I am convinced that being honest about another issue, with people I thought would understand, had an obvious cost that is just now apparent.
I believe in open, and honest communication. I believe in clarity. I believe in authenticity. And I believe in resolving things. But I can also be discreet and refrain from observation or judgment because I believe people need to reach their own conclusions. But I feel like crawling under a rock this week.
I think I'll just focus on writing papers and getting caught up and reintegrated with family life and just stay the hell away from everyone else till I feel less like fail. Ugh.
I totally lost my temper with my ex-husband this weekend. I am still trying to recover, and I'm sure he is too.
I am convinced that being honest about another issue, with people I thought would understand, had an obvious cost that is just now apparent.
I believe in open, and honest communication. I believe in clarity. I believe in authenticity. And I believe in resolving things. But I can also be discreet and refrain from observation or judgment because I believe people need to reach their own conclusions. But I feel like crawling under a rock this week.
I think I'll just focus on writing papers and getting caught up and reintegrated with family life and just stay the hell away from everyone else till I feel less like fail. Ugh.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Reflection
I am adding daily writing back in as part of my spiritual practice. After years as a professional, public and private writer, I am missing the daily discipline, and the spiritual component that it brings to my life.
I had a wonderful time at Wellspring last night. We were discussing Unitarian History, specifically Channing and Gannet, and the Unitarian Christianity sermon. I am always blown away at those sermons of the 19th century. They are so deep and long, and intense. The sound-bite culture of today would have a hard time sitting through and maintaining attention to those sermons.
It was wonderful to have our entire group together again last night; we've been missing at least one person due to healthy, holidays, etc. for the last several months. It was a wonderful way to start my week, and a reminder of why I am doing what I'm doing. Sometimes the ministry component gets lost in the rush of paperwork, academics, rush to and from praxis, etc. We spent a lot of time in silent reflection last night, and it was very fulfilling. I still have "singing bowl" written on my list of "wants" and last night's use of one for inviting to and ending meditation renewed my desire. I'll have to keep looking around locally.
I'm flying off to the windy city tomorrow morning, early. I have Skype set up to chat with my family while I'm gone. I'm mostly packed, sent my books ahead, and just chatted with one of my roommates. I want to cry every time I think of the days without Lucy-hugs and Soren-hugs, but I am also embracing the adventure. I've never been away from my kids or husband (either one) for more than 3 nights! 17 nights seems like an eternity! I'll have plenty to keep me busy though, and hope to see my sister and an email friend in the city while I'm there.
I'm taking a religious humanism class and problems in public ethics. Both had very stimulating readings to do ahead, and I have done a good chunk of the writing and oral presentation prep as well. I'm hoping for some quiet, reflective time as well and am looking forward to worship and vespers during my time there.
I have had some good advice on prepping for my RSCC interview in March, but am open to more, if anyone has any!
OK, now to finish packing!
I had a wonderful time at Wellspring last night. We were discussing Unitarian History, specifically Channing and Gannet, and the Unitarian Christianity sermon. I am always blown away at those sermons of the 19th century. They are so deep and long, and intense. The sound-bite culture of today would have a hard time sitting through and maintaining attention to those sermons.
It was wonderful to have our entire group together again last night; we've been missing at least one person due to healthy, holidays, etc. for the last several months. It was a wonderful way to start my week, and a reminder of why I am doing what I'm doing. Sometimes the ministry component gets lost in the rush of paperwork, academics, rush to and from praxis, etc. We spent a lot of time in silent reflection last night, and it was very fulfilling. I still have "singing bowl" written on my list of "wants" and last night's use of one for inviting to and ending meditation renewed my desire. I'll have to keep looking around locally.
I'm flying off to the windy city tomorrow morning, early. I have Skype set up to chat with my family while I'm gone. I'm mostly packed, sent my books ahead, and just chatted with one of my roommates. I want to cry every time I think of the days without Lucy-hugs and Soren-hugs, but I am also embracing the adventure. I've never been away from my kids or husband (either one) for more than 3 nights! 17 nights seems like an eternity! I'll have plenty to keep me busy though, and hope to see my sister and an email friend in the city while I'm there.
I'm taking a religious humanism class and problems in public ethics. Both had very stimulating readings to do ahead, and I have done a good chunk of the writing and oral presentation prep as well. I'm hoping for some quiet, reflective time as well and am looking forward to worship and vespers during my time there.
I have had some good advice on prepping for my RSCC interview in March, but am open to more, if anyone has any!
OK, now to finish packing!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Hanging out with Youth
There's a post over at Chaliceblog that resonated with me - I had noticed the comment in Peter Morales' piece in UU World this winter as well - and it irritated me just as much.
"I am convinced that we too often fail to recognize how much our children, youth, and young adults need to give. Hanging out is not a spiritual practice. Joining hands to work for something we care about is. Service is an essential part of faith development. We need to do so much more to engage the idealism and energy of our young people."
As I commented over at chaliceblog, I think it's a mistake to think that the only way to engage our church youth is through social action. In my work with RE, I have actually heard parents groan about this - their kids have mandated community service through school, and then that's often the bulk of their engagement with their church.
My church has been trying to integrate the messages of its sermons and small group ministries and RE so that congregants with families are having a unified experience and message through themes in worship and workshop rotation in RE. However, this often leaves out our youth who are done with RE curriculum or don't want to get up and come to class or worship on Sundays.
We have a vibrant and growing youth group (40+ kids this year, and they are bringing their non-UU friends!). They just organized a huge con and had 130 kids attend - they meet weekly, and we're offering a Coming of Age group this year too. However, as I've mentioned before, I was inspired to start a Teen Soul Matters group this year. The description is here.
We lose so many youth - and what is missing is hanging out with them. What is small group ministry about? It's about creating sacred space - about learning to listen to your own quiet inner voice or soul. When you are busy in youth group, or social action, you don't take time to just sit and listen to your peers, to other adults, to yourself. You don't have time to really engage yourself with the big questions. What is God? Where do science and religion intersect? Is there an afterlife? What does being a UU mean to me? How can I articulate it to my friends? Where do we come from? What does xyz in the Bible mean, if anything/everything? What is prayer? What are other spiritual practices? How can they bring meaning and clarity to my life? How can people believe in Creationism? What the heck happens when people have these near death experiences?
Seriously, people, all of these topics came from the kids in my group in only 4 hours of meetings. And that was even with structure imposed - it's a ministry group for kids, but it's also hanging out. But it's hanging out with purpose and light.
Youth engage their spirits as much as their hands and bodies by being with adults who are modeling spiritual practice and living into their faith internally, not just in the obvious external ways. Liberal theologians say that we need to hook people through their search for life's meaning, but we have to be aware of how kids do that - it's not necessarily how adults do it. And we have to give them opportunities to explore those questions in ways they will never get with their peers at school or their "regular" lives. Teens are going through a developmental crisis in much the same way that adults have a mid-life crisis. If we can engage them at church during this critical time, they won't have to search for that spiritual home when they're 40!
So my point is that hanging out can be a lot of different things (and can be subversive in a positive way!) and in all my work with youth both in human services and at church, those times where there is no agenda is when the best work happens. When I can just be with them. Doing dishes, driving in the car, watching a movie, listening to some tunes - that's when that shy soul peeks its head out and feels safe enough to ask the big questions. Let's not minimize the incredible power of creating sacred space that youth can identify with. It's not the way that adults do it - but approaching youth from our own social location is why we're losing them. We have to recognize their developmental needs and engage them where they're at. And that's hanging out.
"I am convinced that we too often fail to recognize how much our children, youth, and young adults need to give. Hanging out is not a spiritual practice. Joining hands to work for something we care about is. Service is an essential part of faith development. We need to do so much more to engage the idealism and energy of our young people."
As I commented over at chaliceblog, I think it's a mistake to think that the only way to engage our church youth is through social action. In my work with RE, I have actually heard parents groan about this - their kids have mandated community service through school, and then that's often the bulk of their engagement with their church.
My church has been trying to integrate the messages of its sermons and small group ministries and RE so that congregants with families are having a unified experience and message through themes in worship and workshop rotation in RE. However, this often leaves out our youth who are done with RE curriculum or don't want to get up and come to class or worship on Sundays.
We have a vibrant and growing youth group (40+ kids this year, and they are bringing their non-UU friends!). They just organized a huge con and had 130 kids attend - they meet weekly, and we're offering a Coming of Age group this year too. However, as I've mentioned before, I was inspired to start a Teen Soul Matters group this year. The description is here.
We lose so many youth - and what is missing is hanging out with them. What is small group ministry about? It's about creating sacred space - about learning to listen to your own quiet inner voice or soul. When you are busy in youth group, or social action, you don't take time to just sit and listen to your peers, to other adults, to yourself. You don't have time to really engage yourself with the big questions. What is God? Where do science and religion intersect? Is there an afterlife? What does being a UU mean to me? How can I articulate it to my friends? Where do we come from? What does xyz in the Bible mean, if anything/everything? What is prayer? What are other spiritual practices? How can they bring meaning and clarity to my life? How can people believe in Creationism? What the heck happens when people have these near death experiences?
Seriously, people, all of these topics came from the kids in my group in only 4 hours of meetings. And that was even with structure imposed - it's a ministry group for kids, but it's also hanging out. But it's hanging out with purpose and light.
Youth engage their spirits as much as their hands and bodies by being with adults who are modeling spiritual practice and living into their faith internally, not just in the obvious external ways. Liberal theologians say that we need to hook people through their search for life's meaning, but we have to be aware of how kids do that - it's not necessarily how adults do it. And we have to give them opportunities to explore those questions in ways they will never get with their peers at school or their "regular" lives. Teens are going through a developmental crisis in much the same way that adults have a mid-life crisis. If we can engage them at church during this critical time, they won't have to search for that spiritual home when they're 40!
So my point is that hanging out can be a lot of different things (and can be subversive in a positive way!) and in all my work with youth both in human services and at church, those times where there is no agenda is when the best work happens. When I can just be with them. Doing dishes, driving in the car, watching a movie, listening to some tunes - that's when that shy soul peeks its head out and feels safe enough to ask the big questions. Let's not minimize the incredible power of creating sacred space that youth can identify with. It's not the way that adults do it - but approaching youth from our own social location is why we're losing them. We have to recognize their developmental needs and engage them where they're at. And that's hanging out.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Spiritual Practice
Things have been busy here. Classes are in full swing. Homeschooling is busy - sports; classes; and teaching Spanish, Language Arts and Math here at home. Formational stuff - group facilitation, workshops, paid work in RE, site work. All have conspired to keep me away from my computer and email except for urgent matters.
I put my attention full bore on school and formation for several weeks; the house languished, kids started acting out, husband is very quiet. Attention. I put it on one thing to the detriment of other things. It is a challenge to balance it. My brain is often at maximum capacity. My minister told me that she had a dream one night where she had to remember something and kept trying to get the File, Save to work on her brain, but it just wouldn't. Boy, do I resonate with that.
I have not been feeling good about my morning meditation walk for a while now. I've been distracted and I haven't been able to put my worldly concerns aside and focus on the here and now during that sacred time of day. I"ve been searching for something else and have been feeling called to prayer, but still have some hang-ups. I am trying without success to find information on using Buddhist prayer beads and some breathing meditations to help me focus. If anyone has any good resources, I'm all ears. In the absence of that, I made up my own.
Walk, walk, breathe in (God, please help me to be) breathe out (loving and in right relation to all). Over and over for several days. This morning for the first time in a long time, in the midst of a lot of inner turmoil and grief, I felt the presence of peace again. I breathed in the leafy, autumnal air, saw the wispy clouds in a blue sky, and my house off in the distance. I felt safe, and clear, and connected again. Just for a minute. But that was enough.
I put my attention full bore on school and formation for several weeks; the house languished, kids started acting out, husband is very quiet. Attention. I put it on one thing to the detriment of other things. It is a challenge to balance it. My brain is often at maximum capacity. My minister told me that she had a dream one night where she had to remember something and kept trying to get the File, Save to work on her brain, but it just wouldn't. Boy, do I resonate with that.
I have not been feeling good about my morning meditation walk for a while now. I've been distracted and I haven't been able to put my worldly concerns aside and focus on the here and now during that sacred time of day. I"ve been searching for something else and have been feeling called to prayer, but still have some hang-ups. I am trying without success to find information on using Buddhist prayer beads and some breathing meditations to help me focus. If anyone has any good resources, I'm all ears. In the absence of that, I made up my own.
Walk, walk, breathe in (God, please help me to be) breathe out (loving and in right relation to all). Over and over for several days. This morning for the first time in a long time, in the midst of a lot of inner turmoil and grief, I felt the presence of peace again. I breathed in the leafy, autumnal air, saw the wispy clouds in a blue sky, and my house off in the distance. I felt safe, and clear, and connected again. Just for a minute. But that was enough.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
A Balancing Act
Is it Wednesday already?
I had a productive and validating meeting with my spiritual director today. We talked through my experiences with my career assessment (and it reminded me that haven't received my report yet...) and my Meadville Lombard orientation. We talked about integration and how I'm living my faith through my life, and how many wonderful interconnections there are.
We also talked about how it's a little scary to feel *so* right and how that's a good thing.
We spent quite a bit of time talking about what's going on in my marriage, and that was really helpful. I just got a note from the UUA that there is money available for spousal counseling associated with ministry issues and I'm considering looking into that. There is a local therapist who works with ministers/seminarians and spouses but she doesn't take insurance so we haven't been able to pursue that.
But overall, things are going better. I think he just needed to air his concerns and be heard, and I am trying to do that an also validate the fact that I am busy and unavailable a lot of the time right now (his mother told me that I had abandoned her, very angrily, this weekend), so it's not just him. I feel like he's much more supportive and finding his own balance in all of this. And I'm trying to return the favor as much as possible.
School is going well, although there are a few things that are frustrating with some communication lapses. I'm actively trying to resolve those issues, but not getting very far.
Work is also going well; it's calmed down a lot now that the school year has started and the classrooms are almost together. My boss is breathing again, and so am I. And it's so energizing to see how excited the kids and teachers are about the workshop rotation model (K to 5). Now if only my Kindergartner would go to class! My almost 3 yo went last week, which was a major coup that I hope to keep repeating.
Facilitation of my two groups is starting next week and I am excited and thrilled and honored all at the same time. I have 8 kids signed up for my Teen Group and sent out the guide and readings a few days ago. Woohoo! I need to make some follow up calls and get connected to the kids individually.
What else...my own kids are doing OK - falling into some sort of routine. Working on organizational skills for the 10 yo. Working on more independence for the 5 yo. Dealing with some burgeoning separation anxiety with the 2.75 year old. Homeschooling activities are getting into gear. Our Waldorf program is ROCKING THE HOUSE this year! I am so psyched about the kids' classes and my 1:1 time with Lucy!
OK, must run off to the gym and studying and some social time with my best friend.
I had a productive and validating meeting with my spiritual director today. We talked through my experiences with my career assessment (and it reminded me that haven't received my report yet...) and my Meadville Lombard orientation. We talked about integration and how I'm living my faith through my life, and how many wonderful interconnections there are.
We also talked about how it's a little scary to feel *so* right and how that's a good thing.
We spent quite a bit of time talking about what's going on in my marriage, and that was really helpful. I just got a note from the UUA that there is money available for spousal counseling associated with ministry issues and I'm considering looking into that. There is a local therapist who works with ministers/seminarians and spouses but she doesn't take insurance so we haven't been able to pursue that.
But overall, things are going better. I think he just needed to air his concerns and be heard, and I am trying to do that an also validate the fact that I am busy and unavailable a lot of the time right now (his mother told me that I had abandoned her, very angrily, this weekend), so it's not just him. I feel like he's much more supportive and finding his own balance in all of this. And I'm trying to return the favor as much as possible.
School is going well, although there are a few things that are frustrating with some communication lapses. I'm actively trying to resolve those issues, but not getting very far.
Work is also going well; it's calmed down a lot now that the school year has started and the classrooms are almost together. My boss is breathing again, and so am I. And it's so energizing to see how excited the kids and teachers are about the workshop rotation model (K to 5). Now if only my Kindergartner would go to class! My almost 3 yo went last week, which was a major coup that I hope to keep repeating.
Facilitation of my two groups is starting next week and I am excited and thrilled and honored all at the same time. I have 8 kids signed up for my Teen Group and sent out the guide and readings a few days ago. Woohoo! I need to make some follow up calls and get connected to the kids individually.
What else...my own kids are doing OK - falling into some sort of routine. Working on organizational skills for the 10 yo. Working on more independence for the 5 yo. Dealing with some burgeoning separation anxiety with the 2.75 year old. Homeschooling activities are getting into gear. Our Waldorf program is ROCKING THE HOUSE this year! I am so psyched about the kids' classes and my 1:1 time with Lucy!
OK, must run off to the gym and studying and some social time with my best friend.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Wellspring Retreat
We made it! I've been looking forward to the retreat for some time now. It was my inaugural small group facilitation experience, and I think it went reasonably well. The best part was splitting into our own small groups at the end of the day. I'm psyched about my group, my co-facilitator, the material, and working through the curriculum through the lens of facilitator rather than participant (although we participate too).
We facilitators had mid-day review and made some adjustments for next year; things that got left out, that should be reconfigured, etc. One of our facilitators was out with the 'flu, so that was sad, but our associate minister stepped in to the breach like the pro she is.
Exciting stuff, and a wonderful meditation walk this morning to start off the day.
Shift your vision
just for a moment
to that of a child
again.
In your innocence
you remind the universe
that you haven't seen
the deer in a while
and as if on cue, the three does
step delicately out across
the road.
White tails flashing
hello.
The universe responds
to prayers of petition
after all.
You and the dog stand with
mouths agape and turn
to see three flocks of starlings
burst south
across the sky.
In your adult mind
you know about migration
but your open child's
heart wonders that
they fly so close
so many
without collision.
We facilitators had mid-day review and made some adjustments for next year; things that got left out, that should be reconfigured, etc. One of our facilitators was out with the 'flu, so that was sad, but our associate minister stepped in to the breach like the pro she is.
Exciting stuff, and a wonderful meditation walk this morning to start off the day.
Shift your vision
just for a moment
to that of a child
again.
In your innocence
you remind the universe
that you haven't seen
the deer in a while
and as if on cue, the three does
step delicately out across
the road.
White tails flashing
hello.
The universe responds
to prayers of petition
after all.
You and the dog stand with
mouths agape and turn
to see three flocks of starlings
burst south
across the sky.
In your adult mind
you know about migration
but your open child's
heart wonders that
they fly so close
so many
without collision.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Small Group Ministry
I went a facilitator workshop today to prepare for this upcoming year of small groups. Small groups are a huge part of our congregation and so important because we're large for a UU church. It's hard to connect to the bigger congregation and mission by just showing up for worship, and we have a variety of small groups called Soul Matters that explore the worship theme each month more deeply.
Our ministers have, through listening in feedback sessions and knowing our people, developed a group theology on how to deepen in these small groups through Listening, Opening, and Serving. Rev. Anderson has also developed a Starting Point curriculum which targets visitors and new people, and gives a context for both UUism and our specific congregation. It looks like this curriculum and Soul Matters, as well as Wellspring are starting to spread to other congregations, which is so exciting! I love the creativity and passion that our ministers bring to our church - they are good at listening and at creating ways for people to engage with their faith on a deep level.
I am so excited to co-facilitate two groups this year. Plus I'll be assisting the new DRE, which will keep me connected as a staff person. A year ago, I had no idea what integration looked like. Now I'm all about it. Every thing I am doing flows and connect to every other thing in such a great way (some of it is attitude, not logistical, but still!).
So I'm thinking of spiritual practice exercises for the coming year. Our homecoming Sunday used to be a water service, but they've expanded this idea in different directions in the last couple of years. This year our assignment is to bring something that speaks to the "Keep Out!" signs we put up - what do we need to let in to our lives and what is a symbol of how we have tried to do that over the summer? It was a hard exercise, but a good one, and we got to practice it in small groups today in preparation for leading our own groups (though mine doesn't start till October - which is Deep Listening).
On a totally unrelated note, my mom has been in the hospital for about a week now, with what they're now calling diabetic neuropathy in her lung biopsy site. My sister flew in today to stay with her so she can be discharged from the hospital and flies back to Chicago next Wednesday and we're flying in at the same time so we can meet at the airport, and then my nephew will drive me to Hyde Park. I'm SO excited to see my sister again! Twice in 3 months - that's a lifetime record.
Our ministers have, through listening in feedback sessions and knowing our people, developed a group theology on how to deepen in these small groups through Listening, Opening, and Serving. Rev. Anderson has also developed a Starting Point curriculum which targets visitors and new people, and gives a context for both UUism and our specific congregation. It looks like this curriculum and Soul Matters, as well as Wellspring are starting to spread to other congregations, which is so exciting! I love the creativity and passion that our ministers bring to our church - they are good at listening and at creating ways for people to engage with their faith on a deep level.
I am so excited to co-facilitate two groups this year. Plus I'll be assisting the new DRE, which will keep me connected as a staff person. A year ago, I had no idea what integration looked like. Now I'm all about it. Every thing I am doing flows and connect to every other thing in such a great way (some of it is attitude, not logistical, but still!).
So I'm thinking of spiritual practice exercises for the coming year. Our homecoming Sunday used to be a water service, but they've expanded this idea in different directions in the last couple of years. This year our assignment is to bring something that speaks to the "Keep Out!" signs we put up - what do we need to let in to our lives and what is a symbol of how we have tried to do that over the summer? It was a hard exercise, but a good one, and we got to practice it in small groups today in preparation for leading our own groups (though mine doesn't start till October - which is Deep Listening).
On a totally unrelated note, my mom has been in the hospital for about a week now, with what they're now calling diabetic neuropathy in her lung biopsy site. My sister flew in today to stay with her so she can be discharged from the hospital and flies back to Chicago next Wednesday and we're flying in at the same time so we can meet at the airport, and then my nephew will drive me to Hyde Park. I'm SO excited to see my sister again! Twice in 3 months - that's a lifetime record.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Authority ambivalence
One of the unsurprising things about my psychological testing is that I have a historical ambivalence towards authority. This makes perfect sense, since I was alternately protected and betrayed by police officers (both those that worked with my family during my teens, when I was in foster care, and my former step-father, a state trooper), and other people in authority (school, social service agencies, hospitals, etc.).
Today, I came up against that ambivalence when my husband discovered that someone had egged our cars overnight. Kids, on their last summer fling before school, I'm sure. Not a big deal.
But I was torn about whether to call the police and report it - our small town officers are wonderful. One is a neighbor. Our other neighbor is an officer in Rochester, but he is one of the most anti-social people I know, and I don't really trust him as a person, let alone a police officer. Still, there are benefits to having the law living in your neighborhood. I ended up calling because I thought we might not be the only victims, and wanted the local police to have as much info as possible. The officer was sweet, and I'm glad I called, but it was interesting to think through my hesitation given the clarification I achieved this week about parts of my upbringing, my current "m.o." about my values, and the direction my personal growth is headed in.
I think that having some ambivalence can be a good thing, as long as I'm aware of it, and make informed decisions based on that self-knowledge. And the good news is that it's raining, so I don't even have to take the car to the carwash!
Today, I came up against that ambivalence when my husband discovered that someone had egged our cars overnight. Kids, on their last summer fling before school, I'm sure. Not a big deal.
But I was torn about whether to call the police and report it - our small town officers are wonderful. One is a neighbor. Our other neighbor is an officer in Rochester, but he is one of the most anti-social people I know, and I don't really trust him as a person, let alone a police officer. Still, there are benefits to having the law living in your neighborhood. I ended up calling because I thought we might not be the only victims, and wanted the local police to have as much info as possible. The officer was sweet, and I'm glad I called, but it was interesting to think through my hesitation given the clarification I achieved this week about parts of my upbringing, my current "m.o." about my values, and the direction my personal growth is headed in.
I think that having some ambivalence can be a good thing, as long as I'm aware of it, and make informed decisions based on that self-knowledge. And the good news is that it's raining, so I don't even have to take the car to the carwash!
Monday, August 10, 2009
I made it!
So, after my angst about going (somewhat deserved), I'm home again! The first 24 hours were sheer hell emotionally. I was homesick, I was intimidated by the leader and the women's circle, I cried, I was cold, and I was totally outside my comfort zone. Then I took some time to meditate alone in my tent, with great intention, about getting present and focused and open... and an incredible shift happened.
I asked for what I needed. I became my authentic, imperfect self in the group. I met my mentee and immediately fell in love with her. I engaged in all the exhausting, exhilarating physical, emotional and spiritual work of the weekend (I am still exhausted). I watched my daughter have an amazing experience separate from, yet connected to my own. I cried and laughed and was in community with a fucking awesome circle of women and girls - I have been avoiding this circle thing like the plague for years - and had yet another entire transformation.
I realized that I have a hard time taking up space, asking for what I need, and getting attention. I have vowed to do a better job learning to take care of myself in groups, not just in 1:1 relationships. I made friends, I met fabulous teens, and I can't even describe the weekend. It was intense, frightening, fabulous, comforting, nurturing, push and shove out of everyone's box...and spiritual.
Thank God I knew a few of the women there....but I met so many, So Many wonderful and wise women there.
And it's good to be home. I feel trialed by fire and Emma does too, but we're closer and better for it. I can't wait for Soren to go.
I asked for what I needed. I became my authentic, imperfect self in the group. I met my mentee and immediately fell in love with her. I engaged in all the exhausting, exhilarating physical, emotional and spiritual work of the weekend (I am still exhausted). I watched my daughter have an amazing experience separate from, yet connected to my own. I cried and laughed and was in community with a fucking awesome circle of women and girls - I have been avoiding this circle thing like the plague for years - and had yet another entire transformation.
I realized that I have a hard time taking up space, asking for what I need, and getting attention. I have vowed to do a better job learning to take care of myself in groups, not just in 1:1 relationships. I made friends, I met fabulous teens, and I can't even describe the weekend. It was intense, frightening, fabulous, comforting, nurturing, push and shove out of everyone's box...and spiritual.
Thank God I knew a few of the women there....but I met so many, So Many wonderful and wise women there.
And it's good to be home. I feel trialed by fire and Emma does too, but we're closer and better for it. I can't wait for Soren to go.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Yummy Day
A perfect summer day - no humidity, around 80F, and less bugs. I loved my meditation walk this morning and actually got some peace from it. I've had a hard time letting go of intruding lists lately, so this was good. And I've got a lot of money stress again, so it was a real coup.
Chickens: yard time. Check.
Yard and gardens: Weeding. Check
Veggies: Fresh corn picked and cooked within the hour. Check.
Ditto with fresh gazpacho with cukes picked fresh. Chillin' in fridge. Check.
Kids fed, happy, and in bed. Check.
House. Semi-vacuumed. Check.
Took Jude to the doc for expected verdict of virus and a lab slip for a salmonella check. Lab was closed though. Surprise - He LOVED the male doc, totally cooperated for him and his male nurse (who used to be our doc's nurse and I love), and wants to switch to this doctor. If it means cooperating and effective health care, I'm all for it. I feel guilty though. I adore our doctor and love that we all see the same person, but Jude just doesn't jive with her when he needs to be checked out. She's a little too forward and loud and funny for him. Dr. Howe is a guy (major points in Jude's book), mellow, let me take Jude's temp, and explained everything before he touched him. So I will figure out how to make the switch on our insurance and break it to Dr. Jeanne. He will still see her if Dr. H. isn't available, and when we visit with the other kids or me, so it's no like she'll never see him. And they're in the same practice.
I'm reading First the Ecstacy, Then the Laundry. That pretty much sums up my questions and struggles with integrating my spiritual life with the rest of my life. I'm anxious to get past the intro and into the meat of it. I'm also sporadically reading "Are You Running with Me, Jesus?" which is somehow a charming book of my kind of prayers.
Off to watch 24. I had a yummy dream about Kiefer Sutherland last night which morphd into a yummy dream about hubby ;). Like Hubby would jump off a building and grab onto a helicopter, but I guess that's why they're dreams!
Chickens: yard time. Check.
Yard and gardens: Weeding. Check
Veggies: Fresh corn picked and cooked within the hour. Check.
Ditto with fresh gazpacho with cukes picked fresh. Chillin' in fridge. Check.
Kids fed, happy, and in bed. Check.
House. Semi-vacuumed. Check.
Took Jude to the doc for expected verdict of virus and a lab slip for a salmonella check. Lab was closed though. Surprise - He LOVED the male doc, totally cooperated for him and his male nurse (who used to be our doc's nurse and I love), and wants to switch to this doctor. If it means cooperating and effective health care, I'm all for it. I feel guilty though. I adore our doctor and love that we all see the same person, but Jude just doesn't jive with her when he needs to be checked out. She's a little too forward and loud and funny for him. Dr. Howe is a guy (major points in Jude's book), mellow, let me take Jude's temp, and explained everything before he touched him. So I will figure out how to make the switch on our insurance and break it to Dr. Jeanne. He will still see her if Dr. H. isn't available, and when we visit with the other kids or me, so it's no like she'll never see him. And they're in the same practice.
I'm reading First the Ecstacy, Then the Laundry. That pretty much sums up my questions and struggles with integrating my spiritual life with the rest of my life. I'm anxious to get past the intro and into the meat of it. I'm also sporadically reading "Are You Running with Me, Jesus?" which is somehow a charming book of my kind of prayers.
Off to watch 24. I had a yummy dream about Kiefer Sutherland last night which morphd into a yummy dream about hubby ;). Like Hubby would jump off a building and grab onto a helicopter, but I guess that's why they're dreams!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Tending my garden
In the literal and figurative sense. This is the first time I have ever had a veggie garden, and it's huge, but not big enough. I love weeding it, harvesting it, planting in it, finding toads and snakes in it, chasing away the bunnies.
I am childishly pleased at the ears of corn forming on the stalks, the green tomatoes ripening, the tiny little cucumbers and yellow squash appearing under the large leaves.
I'm going to have a little garden of chickens this week finally. The tractor is done, the feed is purchased, the feeders are being scrubbed today.
I'm tending the garden of my family too. Preparing for a new school year for the oldest three . Making behavior charts for my little heathen/raised by wolves young son and daughter who are willful and uncooperative much of the time, driving me to constant distraction and making it impossible to get much done. Showing my daughter how to shave her legs for the first time. Making doctor appointment to deal with dental health, reproductive health, neurological health, skin health, and mental and spiritual health. Families require a lot of planning and organization, just like a vegetable garden.
I'm tending the garden of my ministerial formation. Preparing for some small group ministry and leadership this fall, trying to find money to take an extra class, meeting with a local group of seminarians/ministers/seekers, praying, meditating, and becoming.
I'm waiting on news about potential work for fall, and meantime scrimping and saving and savoring summer and visits and visitors and some lazy time with my kids.
Tending the garden of my life is a joyful thing.
I am childishly pleased at the ears of corn forming on the stalks, the green tomatoes ripening, the tiny little cucumbers and yellow squash appearing under the large leaves.
I'm going to have a little garden of chickens this week finally. The tractor is done, the feed is purchased, the feeders are being scrubbed today.
I'm tending the garden of my family too. Preparing for a new school year for the oldest three . Making behavior charts for my little heathen/raised by wolves young son and daughter who are willful and uncooperative much of the time, driving me to constant distraction and making it impossible to get much done. Showing my daughter how to shave her legs for the first time. Making doctor appointment to deal with dental health, reproductive health, neurological health, skin health, and mental and spiritual health. Families require a lot of planning and organization, just like a vegetable garden.
I'm tending the garden of my ministerial formation. Preparing for some small group ministry and leadership this fall, trying to find money to take an extra class, meeting with a local group of seminarians/ministers/seekers, praying, meditating, and becoming.
I'm waiting on news about potential work for fall, and meantime scrimping and saving and savoring summer and visits and visitors and some lazy time with my kids.
Tending the garden of my life is a joyful thing.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Morning Meditation
I am summer
heated and passionate
sweltering, lush
reaching for that burning orb of sun
He is winter
warm and welcoming
like a crackling fire
against my cold toes
I am rushing like a swollen
spring stream
leaping with fish (ideas)
jumping over boulders and
He is slow and steady
lumbering on snow shoes
carefully over uncharted white
prepared and ready for the unexpected
summer that I bring
with my heat, my passion
bursting at the seams with
wild ideas, howling at the moon
that sets, round and cold
above a winter night
filled with warm blankets and quiet
murmuring, creating a climate
just right between us.
heated and passionate
sweltering, lush
reaching for that burning orb of sun
He is winter
warm and welcoming
like a crackling fire
against my cold toes
I am rushing like a swollen
spring stream
leaping with fish (ideas)
jumping over boulders and
He is slow and steady
lumbering on snow shoes
carefully over uncharted white
prepared and ready for the unexpected
summer that I bring
with my heat, my passion
bursting at the seams with
wild ideas, howling at the moon
that sets, round and cold
above a winter night
filled with warm blankets and quiet
murmuring, creating a climate
just right between us.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Integration
I've had a lot of "chore" type of stuff to do lately: flight and hotel reservations, other travel plans, paperwork for school and UUA track stuff, insurance issues and finding old records, dealing with the nursing home where my dad is.
Things are gearing up for school; it's really happening, but sometimes the excitement gets lost in all the paper.
But last night, I got to sit in a room with 7 other people on this journey. Seminarians, ministers, seekers all. There are some things about ministerial formation and vocation that are unique. Things that it is impossible to explain to friends and family; things that your congregational minister can no longer relate to, or shouldn't, since they're your minister and not your colleague just yet.
So my minsters encouraged me to set up a meeting with this vibrant group that is all right here, right now, and it was everything I hoped it would be.
It was so fabulous to talk with people about school, boundaries, cursing, parenting, experience, age, paths, God, prayer, being called, rituals, balance (or lack thereof!). I left the meeting uplifted and filled with overwhelming gratitude and joy.
I have a lot of challenges in my day to day life, and a lot of gifts, but being called to ministry has been such a transformational process, with lots more to come throughout the course of my life. I am thrilled to have a group of people to share that with in real time, especially since I am a distance learner; I am missing that total immersion experience in school.
When I first started meeting with my spiritual advisor, integration was my biggest hurdle; that has happened naturally over the last year. Sometimes all the hats that I wear; all the pieces of the puzzle that is my life seem to be enmeshed in unhealthy ways that are hard to parse out and create boundaries around, but at other times, things integrate in the most fabulous of ways. This has been one of those weeks.
I plan to enjoy it while it lasts.
Things are gearing up for school; it's really happening, but sometimes the excitement gets lost in all the paper.
But last night, I got to sit in a room with 7 other people on this journey. Seminarians, ministers, seekers all. There are some things about ministerial formation and vocation that are unique. Things that it is impossible to explain to friends and family; things that your congregational minister can no longer relate to, or shouldn't, since they're your minister and not your colleague just yet.
So my minsters encouraged me to set up a meeting with this vibrant group that is all right here, right now, and it was everything I hoped it would be.
It was so fabulous to talk with people about school, boundaries, cursing, parenting, experience, age, paths, God, prayer, being called, rituals, balance (or lack thereof!). I left the meeting uplifted and filled with overwhelming gratitude and joy.
I have a lot of challenges in my day to day life, and a lot of gifts, but being called to ministry has been such a transformational process, with lots more to come throughout the course of my life. I am thrilled to have a group of people to share that with in real time, especially since I am a distance learner; I am missing that total immersion experience in school.
When I first started meeting with my spiritual advisor, integration was my biggest hurdle; that has happened naturally over the last year. Sometimes all the hats that I wear; all the pieces of the puzzle that is my life seem to be enmeshed in unhealthy ways that are hard to parse out and create boundaries around, but at other times, things integrate in the most fabulous of ways. This has been one of those weeks.
I plan to enjoy it while it lasts.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Seeking Divinity
I miss church. We haven't been there since the end of the RE year in May, what with travel, childcare issues (the littles won't stay in childcare that is unstructured - little elitists), etc.
And it has rained, and rained, and rained. But I realized this morning that every morning the sun has been up, and that i have had wonderful meditation walks, and that I have developed a rapport with the deeper nature of my land, and my neighborhood. I know that the turkeys have 8 babies and that they look a lot like goslings. I know that we have several enormous woodchucks and Jakob knows where all their lodgings are (one being under our studio). I know that there is a buck that likes mushrooms and that he visits our yard in the small hours of the morning.
I hear the birds various songs, and see the pairs of mates; I know the small rodents and snakes that live in my yard (those that survive the cat, and those that don't). The cats don't like snakes. I know my first vegetable garden, with its odd assortment of non-vegetable perrenials, such as raspberries, lilac, roses, and poison ivy.
I know that hummingbird loves our honeysuckle and that I need to buy more suet for the woodpecker who hangs around me while I hang out laundry. I know that the family of the woman across the street, who passed away this winter, comes every week en masse and lovingly mows and weeds and plants the yard and maintains the house.
Church is important. But living every day in religiosity and in touch with my interdependent web is a much larger church.
Religion: Chernus says, “For these scholars, religion is primarily the overall framework a group uses to understand its world and guide its life. This overall framework shapes every moment of the group's experience. It is not something extraordinary; it does not transcend everyday life. Rather it is the constant foundation of everyday life.”
And it has rained, and rained, and rained. But I realized this morning that every morning the sun has been up, and that i have had wonderful meditation walks, and that I have developed a rapport with the deeper nature of my land, and my neighborhood. I know that the turkeys have 8 babies and that they look a lot like goslings. I know that we have several enormous woodchucks and Jakob knows where all their lodgings are (one being under our studio). I know that there is a buck that likes mushrooms and that he visits our yard in the small hours of the morning.
I hear the birds various songs, and see the pairs of mates; I know the small rodents and snakes that live in my yard (those that survive the cat, and those that don't). The cats don't like snakes. I know my first vegetable garden, with its odd assortment of non-vegetable perrenials, such as raspberries, lilac, roses, and poison ivy.
I know that hummingbird loves our honeysuckle and that I need to buy more suet for the woodpecker who hangs around me while I hang out laundry. I know that the family of the woman across the street, who passed away this winter, comes every week en masse and lovingly mows and weeds and plants the yard and maintains the house.
Church is important. But living every day in religiosity and in touch with my interdependent web is a much larger church.
Religion: Chernus says, “For these scholars, religion is primarily the overall framework a group uses to understand its world and guide its life. This overall framework shapes every moment of the group's experience. It is not something extraordinary; it does not transcend everyday life. Rather it is the constant foundation of everyday life.”
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
the end of ennui
Well, the days of reflection, ennui, and apathy are over! Yay!
Things are falling into place for all.
I scheduled my career assessment for August. There is a LOT of preparation to do. That link isn't even all of it. I am going to have to haul a** to get it done!
Then, I heard from our associate minister today. I have been asked to co-facilitate a Wellspring group next year!! (I'd add more !!!s, but that would be obnoxious). She said some wildly flattering things and of course I said yes. One of the reasons I believe that I didn't get any of the scholarships I applied for this year is my lack of leadership development within the church. I have lots of that in other places, but not within the church. This is a huge opportunity for me. Huge. This program is life changing. I watched it change others. It changed me. And it's being picked up by other congregations and even other faiths. I am so excited to have this chance and so flattered to be asked.
I'm starting to network and look for my community partnership placement opportunities. For school, I have to do 8 hours a week; this year in some sort of human services venue. I have some ideas and have put it out to some friends and my ministers. My hope is also that, since I have career experiences in this field, that I can find something that will turn into work that I can keep doing throughout school. We are still struggling financially and I need to keep getting paid somehow.
I've been slacking on my daily spiritual practice lately, but this week I've been getting back into it and it shows. I am sure that this recent period of down time was necessary, but it didn't feel like "me" so to speak. I'm starting to get excited, energized, connected to myself and others after a short hiatus. I am so filled with joy!
Things are falling into place for all.
I scheduled my career assessment for August. There is a LOT of preparation to do. That link isn't even all of it. I am going to have to haul a** to get it done!
Then, I heard from our associate minister today. I have been asked to co-facilitate a Wellspring group next year!! (I'd add more !!!s, but that would be obnoxious). She said some wildly flattering things and of course I said yes. One of the reasons I believe that I didn't get any of the scholarships I applied for this year is my lack of leadership development within the church. I have lots of that in other places, but not within the church. This is a huge opportunity for me. Huge. This program is life changing. I watched it change others. It changed me. And it's being picked up by other congregations and even other faiths. I am so excited to have this chance and so flattered to be asked.
I'm starting to network and look for my community partnership placement opportunities. For school, I have to do 8 hours a week; this year in some sort of human services venue. I have some ideas and have put it out to some friends and my ministers. My hope is also that, since I have career experiences in this field, that I can find something that will turn into work that I can keep doing throughout school. We are still struggling financially and I need to keep getting paid somehow.
I've been slacking on my daily spiritual practice lately, but this week I've been getting back into it and it shows. I am sure that this recent period of down time was necessary, but it didn't feel like "me" so to speak. I'm starting to get excited, energized, connected to myself and others after a short hiatus. I am so filled with joy!
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