A sweet friend from church found out yesterday that she is miscarrying, and she had a stillbirth last year. She has the most beautiful son and is just a dear heart, as is her husband. I am devastated for her. I have baby guilt - it's kind of like white guilt, but it's about getting pregnant and popping out babies with ease. If I could do it for her today, I would.
A co-worker is dealing with family illness after a sudden death earlier this year, a local homeschool dad died tragically last week...it just seems like a good time to be grateful for my husband and children. I am so very blessed in so many ways. My church, my calling, my family, my friends, my community...it's all amazing, fantastic stuff.
Prayers and love go out to those in my life who are in pain tonight.
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Good thoughts and Food
We have some people in our community who are dealing with death and illness, and I want to publicly express my grief and love for them. I am so grateful to be part of a community that is so loving and willing to step up in a time of need.
In more plebian news, I am in a serious, serious food rut. Like pizza, pasta and popcorn. I need some easy recipes that are for the love of God not chicken (but we're not vegetarian) that I can throw in my crock pot or make in a jiffy and that are cheap, and can be modified to be dairy free for the 1/3 of my family that cannot have any lactose. I am desperate here people. I'm tired of tomato sauce, chicken and pasta. Soups and fresh bread would be great, stews; tempting, hearty meals that I can make for my family and the aforementioned friends who are struggling with life's challenges right now
Kthxbye!
In more plebian news, I am in a serious, serious food rut. Like pizza, pasta and popcorn. I need some easy recipes that are for the love of God not chicken (but we're not vegetarian) that I can throw in my crock pot or make in a jiffy and that are cheap, and can be modified to be dairy free for the 1/3 of my family that cannot have any lactose. I am desperate here people. I'm tired of tomato sauce, chicken and pasta. Soups and fresh bread would be great, stews; tempting, hearty meals that I can make for my family and the aforementioned friends who are struggling with life's challenges right now
Kthxbye!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Doing enough?
I was driving my daughter somewhere yesterday, and I saw a car coming toward me, driving erratically. It was starting and braking suddenly, swerving to the side, and as I got closer, I saw a woman walking on the side of the road. The man driving the car was trying to stop her with the car. As I pulled up parallel, I stopped and asked her if I could help her, if she needed a ride.
She was clearly embarrassed, and in denial, and kept telling me, "No, he's OK," which was not true. He was not OK, and neither was she. She continued walking, and he got out of the car and grabbed her roughly. I shouted at him, "take your hands off her RIGHT NOW, or I am calling 911!" I was already dialing and trying to remember his license plate. Cars were piling up a bit behind him and I, even on a rural country road. I got part of the plate #, and felt that I had to move my car, so I drove up the road a bit, reporting the incident as I went, and turned around to come back so that I could give better directions to the police, and get the full license plate. He meanwhile let go of her and got back in his car.
They were gone. All the cars were gone. I looked down driveways, down side streets...nothing. Upset, I went on to my destination, and a trooper called me. She couldn't find them either, but assured me that someone else would call. I was very shaken. I remembered the feeling of being trapped by someone stronger than me - horrible when a child, worse as an adult woman, of having no way to call for help, of feeling helpless and terrified, embarrassed at the stupidity of it all. Of shaky voice, trembling hands, adrenalin pumping to flee, but shaking legs and tears of impotent rage and fear making it impossible.
When I got to my destination, one of the people who has caused that feeling in me was there. I couldn't look them in the eye. I thought I might throw up. I had no idea that my body memory would be so intense.Thought I had forgiven, and moved on. That I was healed. Something hidden, something brought to light, to come to terms with, to understand and encompass, so I can help others without falling apart internally myself. I worked in a battered woman's shelter both before and after being hurt myself, but the training doesn't stop the fear.
I went back and drove around, trying to find the car for awhile. No luck. I wish I had been smarter - pulled over, pulled my car into the middle of the road, gotten the full license. Asked for the other drivers to help too. I pray that she is OK. That she gets help. That he gets help.
I could have done more, but I was so confused in the moment and had my daughter with me - I was afraid he could be violent towards us. I hope that the police found them. They were still looking when I went back - I saw the trooper that I had spoken to on the phone.
I should have done more, but am grateful I was able to do something. Next time, I'll be better prepared. At least my daughter saw me stop someone from getting hurt. From confronting abuse and intimidation, and call the police. She saw me and she'll remember.
She was clearly embarrassed, and in denial, and kept telling me, "No, he's OK," which was not true. He was not OK, and neither was she. She continued walking, and he got out of the car and grabbed her roughly. I shouted at him, "take your hands off her RIGHT NOW, or I am calling 911!" I was already dialing and trying to remember his license plate. Cars were piling up a bit behind him and I, even on a rural country road. I got part of the plate #, and felt that I had to move my car, so I drove up the road a bit, reporting the incident as I went, and turned around to come back so that I could give better directions to the police, and get the full license plate. He meanwhile let go of her and got back in his car.
They were gone. All the cars were gone. I looked down driveways, down side streets...nothing. Upset, I went on to my destination, and a trooper called me. She couldn't find them either, but assured me that someone else would call. I was very shaken. I remembered the feeling of being trapped by someone stronger than me - horrible when a child, worse as an adult woman, of having no way to call for help, of feeling helpless and terrified, embarrassed at the stupidity of it all. Of shaky voice, trembling hands, adrenalin pumping to flee, but shaking legs and tears of impotent rage and fear making it impossible.
When I got to my destination, one of the people who has caused that feeling in me was there. I couldn't look them in the eye. I thought I might throw up. I had no idea that my body memory would be so intense.Thought I had forgiven, and moved on. That I was healed. Something hidden, something brought to light, to come to terms with, to understand and encompass, so I can help others without falling apart internally myself. I worked in a battered woman's shelter both before and after being hurt myself, but the training doesn't stop the fear.
I went back and drove around, trying to find the car for awhile. No luck. I wish I had been smarter - pulled over, pulled my car into the middle of the road, gotten the full license. Asked for the other drivers to help too. I pray that she is OK. That she gets help. That he gets help.
I could have done more, but I was so confused in the moment and had my daughter with me - I was afraid he could be violent towards us. I hope that the police found them. They were still looking when I went back - I saw the trooper that I had spoken to on the phone.
I should have done more, but am grateful I was able to do something. Next time, I'll be better prepared. At least my daughter saw me stop someone from getting hurt. From confronting abuse and intimidation, and call the police. She saw me and she'll remember.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Hundreds attend vigil
I am deeply saddened by this tragic event. I am also so grateful for our ministerial team, who is providing such careful and loving care for Sevilla's family and friends.
Hundreds attend vigil for homicide victim found in Mendon Ponds Park | democratandchronicle.com | Democrat and Chronicle
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Hundreds attend vigil for homicide victim found in Mendon Ponds Park | democratandchronicle.com | Democrat and Chronicle
Posted using ShareThis
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Getting Old
OK, I know I'm not old. Every year I get older, there's some old fart telling me how young I still am ;).
But I started out as a sassy teenager in a runaway shelter for months, was a bratty street smart kid, got my shit together, grew up, managed a transitional living program for teens, had my own kids, blah, blah, blah.
Now through my ministry work I'm back in a teen shelter. I love it. Adore it. But I come home and cry sometimes. That didn't used to happen. Sure, there were kids that I was especially attached to, but I love all these kids. And they are different than the ones I am used to.
For the young teen tonight who ended up leaving, who kept telling me "Not even my mom cares." (and of course neither must you, because if my own mother doesn't care, how could you? is implied) I cried tonight. And I am angry at the police office who wouldn't take a missing person's report because, well...he didn't really have a good reason, except that he was young and white and privileged and in a position of power...and this kid is young and black and poor and has nothing. So what's one more kid on the street on a cold November night?
I didn't used to cry. But I came home and looked at my own beautiful 13 year old daughter and thought, for the grace of God...
These kids are my kids. I don't care who their mama is. And they are breaking my heart.
But I started out as a sassy teenager in a runaway shelter for months, was a bratty street smart kid, got my shit together, grew up, managed a transitional living program for teens, had my own kids, blah, blah, blah.
Now through my ministry work I'm back in a teen shelter. I love it. Adore it. But I come home and cry sometimes. That didn't used to happen. Sure, there were kids that I was especially attached to, but I love all these kids. And they are different than the ones I am used to.
For the young teen tonight who ended up leaving, who kept telling me "Not even my mom cares." (and of course neither must you, because if my own mother doesn't care, how could you? is implied) I cried tonight. And I am angry at the police office who wouldn't take a missing person's report because, well...he didn't really have a good reason, except that he was young and white and privileged and in a position of power...and this kid is young and black and poor and has nothing. So what's one more kid on the street on a cold November night?
I didn't used to cry. But I came home and looked at my own beautiful 13 year old daughter and thought, for the grace of God...
These kids are my kids. I don't care who their mama is. And they are breaking my heart.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I made it!
So, after my angst about going (somewhat deserved), I'm home again! The first 24 hours were sheer hell emotionally. I was homesick, I was intimidated by the leader and the women's circle, I cried, I was cold, and I was totally outside my comfort zone. Then I took some time to meditate alone in my tent, with great intention, about getting present and focused and open... and an incredible shift happened.
I asked for what I needed. I became my authentic, imperfect self in the group. I met my mentee and immediately fell in love with her. I engaged in all the exhausting, exhilarating physical, emotional and spiritual work of the weekend (I am still exhausted). I watched my daughter have an amazing experience separate from, yet connected to my own. I cried and laughed and was in community with a fucking awesome circle of women and girls - I have been avoiding this circle thing like the plague for years - and had yet another entire transformation.
I realized that I have a hard time taking up space, asking for what I need, and getting attention. I have vowed to do a better job learning to take care of myself in groups, not just in 1:1 relationships. I made friends, I met fabulous teens, and I can't even describe the weekend. It was intense, frightening, fabulous, comforting, nurturing, push and shove out of everyone's box...and spiritual.
Thank God I knew a few of the women there....but I met so many, So Many wonderful and wise women there.
And it's good to be home. I feel trialed by fire and Emma does too, but we're closer and better for it. I can't wait for Soren to go.
I asked for what I needed. I became my authentic, imperfect self in the group. I met my mentee and immediately fell in love with her. I engaged in all the exhausting, exhilarating physical, emotional and spiritual work of the weekend (I am still exhausted). I watched my daughter have an amazing experience separate from, yet connected to my own. I cried and laughed and was in community with a fucking awesome circle of women and girls - I have been avoiding this circle thing like the plague for years - and had yet another entire transformation.
I realized that I have a hard time taking up space, asking for what I need, and getting attention. I have vowed to do a better job learning to take care of myself in groups, not just in 1:1 relationships. I made friends, I met fabulous teens, and I can't even describe the weekend. It was intense, frightening, fabulous, comforting, nurturing, push and shove out of everyone's box...and spiritual.
Thank God I knew a few of the women there....but I met so many, So Many wonderful and wise women there.
And it's good to be home. I feel trialed by fire and Emma does too, but we're closer and better for it. I can't wait for Soren to go.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Peanut Carnival
This has been a busy computer morning, unfortunately. My older girls went to their dad's last night and leave for a week's vacation with him tomorrow. I already miss them terribly. Plus, I'll be at Empowered Girls Alliance mentoring next weekend, so won't see my 10 year old until next Sunday night. Yuck.
I went through a huge spreadsheet the other night to put together my food co-op order, and it disappeared. I don't know why I keep losing files. I just redid it, which took quite some time. I've also been putting some movies on DVD for the little kids, and that is time consuming.
The church just called to ask me if I could be the lay-leader for the service on Sunday and help the visiting minister. :::gulp::: I have nothing prepared and haven't gotten the OOS yet. Hopefully within the hour. If the person I'm subbing for has words prepared, great. If not, I'm going to have to squeeze a couple of hours out of tomorrow to write and memorize something for Sunday morning. Another wonderful opportunity to be part of our service, but stressful at the last minute.
A couple of weeks ago, our 4H group had their first carnival to raise money to purchase a goat (I think similar to Heifer International?). The whole time I was thinking about my favorite carnival when I was a kid - and I see that they're still doing it! I just loved this - it was cheap and fun! Maybe I can talk our 4H group into doing something similar next year.
Wish me luck for Sunday. Last week went really well; I got some positive feedback and helped reduce our intern's stress level. This week I'll be on the fly.
And good thoughts to my friend, who had to cancel her role as lay leader due to a family illness. My thoughts are with you and your dad, SD!
I went through a huge spreadsheet the other night to put together my food co-op order, and it disappeared. I don't know why I keep losing files. I just redid it, which took quite some time. I've also been putting some movies on DVD for the little kids, and that is time consuming.
The church just called to ask me if I could be the lay-leader for the service on Sunday and help the visiting minister. :::gulp::: I have nothing prepared and haven't gotten the OOS yet. Hopefully within the hour. If the person I'm subbing for has words prepared, great. If not, I'm going to have to squeeze a couple of hours out of tomorrow to write and memorize something for Sunday morning. Another wonderful opportunity to be part of our service, but stressful at the last minute.
A couple of weeks ago, our 4H group had their first carnival to raise money to purchase a goat (I think similar to Heifer International?). The whole time I was thinking about my favorite carnival when I was a kid - and I see that they're still doing it! I just loved this - it was cheap and fun! Maybe I can talk our 4H group into doing something similar next year.
Wish me luck for Sunday. Last week went really well; I got some positive feedback and helped reduce our intern's stress level. This week I'll be on the fly.
And good thoughts to my friend, who had to cancel her role as lay leader due to a family illness. My thoughts are with you and your dad, SD!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Integration
I've had a lot of "chore" type of stuff to do lately: flight and hotel reservations, other travel plans, paperwork for school and UUA track stuff, insurance issues and finding old records, dealing with the nursing home where my dad is.
Things are gearing up for school; it's really happening, but sometimes the excitement gets lost in all the paper.
But last night, I got to sit in a room with 7 other people on this journey. Seminarians, ministers, seekers all. There are some things about ministerial formation and vocation that are unique. Things that it is impossible to explain to friends and family; things that your congregational minister can no longer relate to, or shouldn't, since they're your minister and not your colleague just yet.
So my minsters encouraged me to set up a meeting with this vibrant group that is all right here, right now, and it was everything I hoped it would be.
It was so fabulous to talk with people about school, boundaries, cursing, parenting, experience, age, paths, God, prayer, being called, rituals, balance (or lack thereof!). I left the meeting uplifted and filled with overwhelming gratitude and joy.
I have a lot of challenges in my day to day life, and a lot of gifts, but being called to ministry has been such a transformational process, with lots more to come throughout the course of my life. I am thrilled to have a group of people to share that with in real time, especially since I am a distance learner; I am missing that total immersion experience in school.
When I first started meeting with my spiritual advisor, integration was my biggest hurdle; that has happened naturally over the last year. Sometimes all the hats that I wear; all the pieces of the puzzle that is my life seem to be enmeshed in unhealthy ways that are hard to parse out and create boundaries around, but at other times, things integrate in the most fabulous of ways. This has been one of those weeks.
I plan to enjoy it while it lasts.
Things are gearing up for school; it's really happening, but sometimes the excitement gets lost in all the paper.
But last night, I got to sit in a room with 7 other people on this journey. Seminarians, ministers, seekers all. There are some things about ministerial formation and vocation that are unique. Things that it is impossible to explain to friends and family; things that your congregational minister can no longer relate to, or shouldn't, since they're your minister and not your colleague just yet.
So my minsters encouraged me to set up a meeting with this vibrant group that is all right here, right now, and it was everything I hoped it would be.
It was so fabulous to talk with people about school, boundaries, cursing, parenting, experience, age, paths, God, prayer, being called, rituals, balance (or lack thereof!). I left the meeting uplifted and filled with overwhelming gratitude and joy.
I have a lot of challenges in my day to day life, and a lot of gifts, but being called to ministry has been such a transformational process, with lots more to come throughout the course of my life. I am thrilled to have a group of people to share that with in real time, especially since I am a distance learner; I am missing that total immersion experience in school.
When I first started meeting with my spiritual advisor, integration was my biggest hurdle; that has happened naturally over the last year. Sometimes all the hats that I wear; all the pieces of the puzzle that is my life seem to be enmeshed in unhealthy ways that are hard to parse out and create boundaries around, but at other times, things integrate in the most fabulous of ways. This has been one of those weeks.
I plan to enjoy it while it lasts.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Interesting Day
This week has already been interesting and we just returned from PA!
1. I went to the doctor yesterday for a follow up on a lump on my hand/wrist. He is of the opinion that it's a bone spur with tendon swelling and gave me a steroid shot. Liquid fire, it is. Fun stuff. Feeling better tomorrow, but is more swollen than it was. Hopefully I'm in the 50% of people that it fixes and I won't require surgery. Because my other wrist does have a ganglion cyst that has had me suffering for 3 years and surgery is the way to go. Snap.
2. We have marvelous company this week. My friend is finishing her graduate work in Syracuse and is visiting with her 8 year old daughter. She's meshing quite well with all the hustle and bustle of driving, cleaning, laundry, activities, meals and noise around here. Everyone got shuffled off to bed a bit early due to crankiness though; mostly the littles. I'm pretty tired myself. Migraine, steroids, period all have conspired to tire me out along with with the 6 loads of laundry I've done in the last 36 hours.
3. I had an internship (community partnership or whatever it's called now) interview today at Center for Youth.
I think I'm going to work 4 hours a week in the emergency shelter, and 4 hours either doing outreach in their mobile unit (which my hubby is not thrilled about) or counseling as part of their high school outreach along with tutoring. This will give me an opportunity to work with at-risk urban and suburban kids, and also I'm hoping to get a paid part-time gig out of it, since I have prior experience.
It was a really positive experience!
I also had a metric ton of paperwork to do today for school and I made my flight reservations for January so I can go to convocation and two intensives. I have never been away from my family for so long; I'm very anxious about being away for 15 days. Plus the volunteer forms (who remembers all their past addresses from the last 28 years for background checks?), and stuff for Empowered Girls Alliance, who I'm going to mentor for this year. I never got out to the garden at all to weed, and couldn't mow, with my wrist hurting
4. The police stopped by today! Soren (10) and my friend's daughter (8) walked down to the store to buy cookies for a lemonade sale (I couldn't deal with them making cookies today), and someone reported that they saw a 2 and 4 yo on the railroad tracks to the police!! He was very nice and peered at them, said they WERE very small. He recommended that my 13 yo walk with the 10 yo, which kind of seems weird, since it's a tiny town and seems very safe, but I"ll take his word for it.
Off to bed!
1. I went to the doctor yesterday for a follow up on a lump on my hand/wrist. He is of the opinion that it's a bone spur with tendon swelling and gave me a steroid shot. Liquid fire, it is. Fun stuff. Feeling better tomorrow, but is more swollen than it was. Hopefully I'm in the 50% of people that it fixes and I won't require surgery. Because my other wrist does have a ganglion cyst that has had me suffering for 3 years and surgery is the way to go. Snap.
2. We have marvelous company this week. My friend is finishing her graduate work in Syracuse and is visiting with her 8 year old daughter. She's meshing quite well with all the hustle and bustle of driving, cleaning, laundry, activities, meals and noise around here. Everyone got shuffled off to bed a bit early due to crankiness though; mostly the littles. I'm pretty tired myself. Migraine, steroids, period all have conspired to tire me out along with with the 6 loads of laundry I've done in the last 36 hours.
3. I had an internship (community partnership or whatever it's called now) interview today at Center for Youth.
I think I'm going to work 4 hours a week in the emergency shelter, and 4 hours either doing outreach in their mobile unit (which my hubby is not thrilled about) or counseling as part of their high school outreach along with tutoring. This will give me an opportunity to work with at-risk urban and suburban kids, and also I'm hoping to get a paid part-time gig out of it, since I have prior experience.
It was a really positive experience!
I also had a metric ton of paperwork to do today for school and I made my flight reservations for January so I can go to convocation and two intensives. I have never been away from my family for so long; I'm very anxious about being away for 15 days. Plus the volunteer forms (who remembers all their past addresses from the last 28 years for background checks?), and stuff for Empowered Girls Alliance, who I'm going to mentor for this year. I never got out to the garden at all to weed, and couldn't mow, with my wrist hurting
4. The police stopped by today! Soren (10) and my friend's daughter (8) walked down to the store to buy cookies for a lemonade sale (I couldn't deal with them making cookies today), and someone reported that they saw a 2 and 4 yo on the railroad tracks to the police!! He was very nice and peered at them, said they WERE very small. He recommended that my 13 yo walk with the 10 yo, which kind of seems weird, since it's a tiny town and seems very safe, but I"ll take his word for it.
Off to bed!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Living and Dying
I mentioned last week that my friend's brother-in-law was killed in a car accident. It was very tragic and totally avoidable. He is gone, and the 20 year old who was driving 100 mph came through with a broken foot.
I had the opportunity to help her out by watching her kids and then driving them (and mine) to the calling hours, and to speak with her throughout the week. She is one of five sisters, and it was wonderful to see them support each other, love each other and be together. No doubt they irritate each other quite a bit at times, but the love was evident, and the support practical and palpable.
My daughter's teacher, Anne, is on the last few days/weeks of her journey with spinal cancer. The program that she taught at has been organizing parents to go and sit with her for two 2-hour shifts each day to just sit, to help with light housework, or to give her husband some time to himself. I was able to clear Saturday evening to go and do just that, and it was such an incredible gift to me. Her family and friends were in and out, it was busy and cheerful and loving, and she has been able to stay at home.
When I told Anne that my daughter sent her love, her eyes opened wide, and she gave me a huge smile. She was too weak to even speak above a whisper, but gave me that same joyous smile when I showed her the garden flowers that someone had brought, when I asked her if I should open the front door wide to let the afternoon sun pour in to the room, and when I rubbed her feet and covered them to warm them up.
These two experiences are a wonderful gift to me, because before I went to Anne's, I spoke to my mother, who is on oral chemotherapy as of two weeks ago, and who is definitely in decline, though not in immediate danger unless her diabetes can't be kept under control. She was annoying, unreasonable, and focused on anything but spending what time is left to her in loving, joyful ways that make the best of what's left. I feel such grief for her, and for my sister and I, that this will not be a journey that is full of gratitude and joy for her. The contrast between her and Anne is stark.
We have been exploring joy for Wellspring the last two weeks and it was good to see that it has become more natural for me. I carry a lot of intense energy, but when I went to Anne's one of the women called me after she left and commented that I brought such an aura of joy with me into the house. Not something I've ever been accused of before, but a wonderful new thing to try to carry with me.
Joy. The sun pouring in the window. A foot rub. Fresh flowers. Love.
I had the opportunity to help her out by watching her kids and then driving them (and mine) to the calling hours, and to speak with her throughout the week. She is one of five sisters, and it was wonderful to see them support each other, love each other and be together. No doubt they irritate each other quite a bit at times, but the love was evident, and the support practical and palpable.
My daughter's teacher, Anne, is on the last few days/weeks of her journey with spinal cancer. The program that she taught at has been organizing parents to go and sit with her for two 2-hour shifts each day to just sit, to help with light housework, or to give her husband some time to himself. I was able to clear Saturday evening to go and do just that, and it was such an incredible gift to me. Her family and friends were in and out, it was busy and cheerful and loving, and she has been able to stay at home.
When I told Anne that my daughter sent her love, her eyes opened wide, and she gave me a huge smile. She was too weak to even speak above a whisper, but gave me that same joyous smile when I showed her the garden flowers that someone had brought, when I asked her if I should open the front door wide to let the afternoon sun pour in to the room, and when I rubbed her feet and covered them to warm them up.
These two experiences are a wonderful gift to me, because before I went to Anne's, I spoke to my mother, who is on oral chemotherapy as of two weeks ago, and who is definitely in decline, though not in immediate danger unless her diabetes can't be kept under control. She was annoying, unreasonable, and focused on anything but spending what time is left to her in loving, joyful ways that make the best of what's left. I feel such grief for her, and for my sister and I, that this will not be a journey that is full of gratitude and joy for her. The contrast between her and Anne is stark.
We have been exploring joy for Wellspring the last two weeks and it was good to see that it has become more natural for me. I carry a lot of intense energy, but when I went to Anne's one of the women called me after she left and commented that I brought such an aura of joy with me into the house. Not something I've ever been accused of before, but a wonderful new thing to try to carry with me.
Joy. The sun pouring in the window. A foot rub. Fresh flowers. Love.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Recharging
I was just getting to a place where I had a good routine, had embraced being present in day to day parenting and home care...and just like a baby's naptime, everything changed.
Now I am trying to adjust to working again, preparing for outdoor activities as the weather warms up, and scaling back our day to day activities to make life more manageable (much to the detriment of my daughters' social life, apparently).
Even without enough work to sustain us, Tom has been out looking at possible projects, networking, talking to people, etc., so I haven't had much of a break from the day to day childrearing stuff, even since starting work. After the first two weeks, I really needed to get energized.
It just so happens that the 4th week of each month has two mom-recharging activities that I never make it to, but this month, I got to go to both. Thursday night was a homeschool mom meeting and last night was UU Mom's night out. Both were wonderful times of community, shared resources and struggles, and energizing.
Well, and dinner out included marguaritas. You can't beat that!
Now I am trying to adjust to working again, preparing for outdoor activities as the weather warms up, and scaling back our day to day activities to make life more manageable (much to the detriment of my daughters' social life, apparently).
Even without enough work to sustain us, Tom has been out looking at possible projects, networking, talking to people, etc., so I haven't had much of a break from the day to day childrearing stuff, even since starting work. After the first two weeks, I really needed to get energized.
It just so happens that the 4th week of each month has two mom-recharging activities that I never make it to, but this month, I got to go to both. Thursday night was a homeschool mom meeting and last night was UU Mom's night out. Both were wonderful times of community, shared resources and struggles, and energizing.
Well, and dinner out included marguaritas. You can't beat that!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
A Good Sunday
As my son pointed out on the way to church this morning, it was a Good Sun Day as well. The sun shone all day, which was lovely, since it was barely above 10F. Welcome to March (coming in like the proverbial lion).
It was a church-ful kind of day. My friend Sarah, taught me for today (and brought her very adorable, and sleeping newborn to squee over) so that I could hear our intern, Erin Gingrich preach. I'm so glad that I got to go! It was a lovely sermon that touched my heart - about "standing in the flow," the flow being money and more generally, opportunity. How do we give?
I have become a giver. It has not so much to do with money, although in the end, everything does, but more to do with time, and intention. I do give money to my church as a member, and in the collection basket. I give time to my community on boards and editing newsletters. This spring I'll join a mentoring program for girls. I give in simple ways, like turning clothes right side out as I fold the laundry. By moving my husband's van so he doesn't have to go out in the cold to do it. By having healthy snacks and clean water bottles in the car for my little kids when we go to town. By caring for my daughters' pets when they're at their dad's house (and doing the harder parts of those jobs that they like to ignore).
I give by calling a friend who has a sick relative, to check in. By reaching out to someone I've never liked very much because they are having a rough time and I can see that they need a hug. I give by adopting a homeless cat; by driving really slow on my street at night so I don't hit any of the woodland creatures that are nocturnal.
I give by making every minute that I can remember to, intentional. And you know what? I think that karma is real. What you put out to the universe comes back. Erin says that there's no such thing as standing on the bank of that river of money. That we're all in the flow. That if are all more intentional (and don't hoard what we don't need), there is enough. Hmmm...I think Erin's a socialist ;).
Anyway, it was an interesting concept, and she did a great job.
Soren had a good OWL class, by all accounts. And Lucy stayed with Jude (she's an honorary 4 year old at church), and melted the teacher's heart by telling Jude that she loved him (love you too, he says).
Now I'm off to do some Wellspring journaling. I've been reading a lot, and thinking about the sermon I'm not writing about community. I need to find some good material and readings, and better get to it this week.
It was a church-ful kind of day. My friend Sarah, taught me for today (and brought her very adorable, and sleeping newborn to squee over) so that I could hear our intern, Erin Gingrich preach. I'm so glad that I got to go! It was a lovely sermon that touched my heart - about "standing in the flow," the flow being money and more generally, opportunity. How do we give?
I have become a giver. It has not so much to do with money, although in the end, everything does, but more to do with time, and intention. I do give money to my church as a member, and in the collection basket. I give time to my community on boards and editing newsletters. This spring I'll join a mentoring program for girls. I give in simple ways, like turning clothes right side out as I fold the laundry. By moving my husband's van so he doesn't have to go out in the cold to do it. By having healthy snacks and clean water bottles in the car for my little kids when we go to town. By caring for my daughters' pets when they're at their dad's house (and doing the harder parts of those jobs that they like to ignore).
I give by calling a friend who has a sick relative, to check in. By reaching out to someone I've never liked very much because they are having a rough time and I can see that they need a hug. I give by adopting a homeless cat; by driving really slow on my street at night so I don't hit any of the woodland creatures that are nocturnal.
I give by making every minute that I can remember to, intentional. And you know what? I think that karma is real. What you put out to the universe comes back. Erin says that there's no such thing as standing on the bank of that river of money. That we're all in the flow. That if are all more intentional (and don't hoard what we don't need), there is enough. Hmmm...I think Erin's a socialist ;).
Anyway, it was an interesting concept, and she did a great job.
Soren had a good OWL class, by all accounts. And Lucy stayed with Jude (she's an honorary 4 year old at church), and melted the teacher's heart by telling Jude that she loved him (love you too, he says).
Now I'm off to do some Wellspring journaling. I've been reading a lot, and thinking about the sermon I'm not writing about community. I need to find some good material and readings, and better get to it this week.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Humility
I have been told, and also self-identified, that one of my growing edges is humility.
I'm having a good dose of it this week, and it's very uncomfortable. I've had to accept some help and even knowing that it comes from a place of love, and with wonderful intentions, it hurts. A lot.
I would never survive as a beggar. Next week I have to go ask for more help. There is a lesson being hammered into my head methinks.
I am so incredibly grateful to those who have stepped forward; I never thought that I would have friends like that, given the family I grew up with. All I can say is that I will continue to try to pay it forward in some fashion every single day; at home, in my community, in my church. Every day. Until I can pay it back to those who helped.
I'm having a good dose of it this week, and it's very uncomfortable. I've had to accept some help and even knowing that it comes from a place of love, and with wonderful intentions, it hurts. A lot.
I would never survive as a beggar. Next week I have to go ask for more help. There is a lesson being hammered into my head methinks.
I am so incredibly grateful to those who have stepped forward; I never thought that I would have friends like that, given the family I grew up with. All I can say is that I will continue to try to pay it forward in some fashion every single day; at home, in my community, in my church. Every day. Until I can pay it back to those who helped.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Not News
Things have been going along and going along. We're getting back in the groove after the holiday break and it's been difficult. Next week is worse.
Took the cat to the vet today and he thankfully tested negative for feline leukemia. I got him up to date on his shots. He was hellish to drive to the vet - the roads were drifted with snow, the baby was screaming and I missed a turn and went 10 miles out of my way, and the cat peed and pooped in the crate (nothing like being trapped in a car with cat poop!). I thought Jude would throw up! We survived that experience and drove to a new goat milk farm that is near our house. The farmer homeschools 6 kids and is very sweet! She is very proud of their barn and milking equipment - they were just certified by the state and she and her husband built the barn themselves from the ground up. I am anxious to get to know her better.
A friend of mine is a DRE at a nearby church and just found out that I was going to ML in the fall. She pounced immediately, asking me to speak at her church this spring, as their minister is preparing to retire this summer and has cut back her hours to part time. I'm very nervous/excited. I'm to speak on local community building and need to prepare a reading as well.
Tom has found a bit of work - it's amazing how it keeps appearing as if by magic but it's not been very steady since before Christmas. I managed to pay most of our bills so far, but have had to resort to my credit card for essentials, like gas, a couple of times :-/. I also was gifted with some part time work by a friend, which is wonderful; and was called for an interview at a local mental health agency to do case management. The money is...well, I can't think of a word for it, but not enough. But it is better than nothing! We shall see. I think I will at least interview, just for the continuing experience of presentation. It is full time with benefits, which would be nice, if it were about $10/hour more.
Walking meditation has been challenging in this bitter weather. I gave in this morning and let Tom take Jakob out, and I will meditate tonight before bed. If I don't collapse from exhaustion first. I am so tired today.
Anyway, normal life with some very nice things. Soren has a gymnastics meet on Sunday, and it will just be her and I. It should be fun! Reminds me - her best friend has a nasty fall at ice skating yesterday and needed stitches. Good thoughts are appreciated, as it was pretty scary for her!
Took the cat to the vet today and he thankfully tested negative for feline leukemia. I got him up to date on his shots. He was hellish to drive to the vet - the roads were drifted with snow, the baby was screaming and I missed a turn and went 10 miles out of my way, and the cat peed and pooped in the crate (nothing like being trapped in a car with cat poop!). I thought Jude would throw up! We survived that experience and drove to a new goat milk farm that is near our house. The farmer homeschools 6 kids and is very sweet! She is very proud of their barn and milking equipment - they were just certified by the state and she and her husband built the barn themselves from the ground up. I am anxious to get to know her better.
A friend of mine is a DRE at a nearby church and just found out that I was going to ML in the fall. She pounced immediately, asking me to speak at her church this spring, as their minister is preparing to retire this summer and has cut back her hours to part time. I'm very nervous/excited. I'm to speak on local community building and need to prepare a reading as well.
Tom has found a bit of work - it's amazing how it keeps appearing as if by magic but it's not been very steady since before Christmas. I managed to pay most of our bills so far, but have had to resort to my credit card for essentials, like gas, a couple of times :-/. I also was gifted with some part time work by a friend, which is wonderful; and was called for an interview at a local mental health agency to do case management. The money is...well, I can't think of a word for it, but not enough. But it is better than nothing! We shall see. I think I will at least interview, just for the continuing experience of presentation. It is full time with benefits, which would be nice, if it were about $10/hour more.
Walking meditation has been challenging in this bitter weather. I gave in this morning and let Tom take Jakob out, and I will meditate tonight before bed. If I don't collapse from exhaustion first. I am so tired today.
Anyway, normal life with some very nice things. Soren has a gymnastics meet on Sunday, and it will just be her and I. It should be fun! Reminds me - her best friend has a nasty fall at ice skating yesterday and needed stitches. Good thoughts are appreciated, as it was pretty scary for her!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Greater Good
My family is doing the Greater Good project again this year - it's easy to do when you're already just outside the poverty zone anyway. I'm really uninspired about presents this year. They just seem so meaningless. We have everything we need and I buy mostly second-hand now. Even Emma can't think of anything she needs, or barely anything she needs. I find that admirable. Not all of my children feel that way, but that's OK ;).
But here's some great direction in case you don't have a church that you belong to, or an organization who's doing something similar. Found originally here. Even if you aren't Christian, the idea that Jesus was a good role model and good to emulate is inspiring.
But here's some great direction in case you don't have a church that you belong to, or an organization who's doing something similar. Found originally here. Even if you aren't Christian, the idea that Jesus was a good role model and good to emulate is inspiring.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig
It's so good to be home again. The kids and I left early Friday morning for a visit to my hometown and my parents. We had a great trip both ways in the car - nobody got beat up or grounded (there may have been occasional loss-of-dessert privileges however), and the gas prices were $.50/gal. cheaper in PA than in NY which was a nice treat.
We went straight to my dad's nursing home, before my son's head exploded. He had been asking for a week if it was the weekend yet, and we could see Papa George. My dad was as "on" as I've seen him in two years. We visited three times and all the visits were wonderful, with very little inappropriate stuff on his part, and much joy and fun on Jude's part. It's harder for the girls because they're intimidated by the dementia/Alzheimer's patients, who are lonely, and lost, and a little too in-your-face to kids sometimes, but Jude was a joy. He talked happily to everyone, and cheered up the whole floor. The elderly women there just love him to death, and I wish he could visit everyday. He spent most of the first visit standing next to my dad's chair with his elbow resting on dad's shoulder, talking a mile a minute.
It was really hard to leave him today - the patients make me so sad, and I hate leaving him; I'm glad we have plans to go back next month for the holidays.
We also visited with my mom, and we had just the most amazing discussions about my calling and religion and spirituality. I think really, the most honest and non-confrontational talks we've had ... ever? Really. I look forward to more of the same. I left her with my copy of A Chosen Faith, and we cooked together and she made ham sandwiches for us to bring home on our trip. Nobody makes a ham sandwich like my mom. Despite all our differences, there is something about being fed by my mom that keeps me connected to her.
We also had the joy of visiting with my friend Jane, who always nurtures us. We stayed overnight and the girls got to visit with her girls, so they all disappeared and great fun and conversation was had. It's always like we've never been separated, which is the gift of true friendship. We also visited with my newly married friends Keith and Erica, who made us delicious pancakes for breakfast and provided me with a wireless fix! They also kept me plied with my morning coffee and I got to snuggle with their golden retreiver, which made me miss Jakob a little less.
We also got to visit the UUFCC, which was SO great. The sermon was on Ethical Eating, and having been subjected to one recently that made me mostly pissed off, it was great. Rev. Mark is a wonderfully conversational minister, which I had forgotten, and it was a joy to hear him speak again. It was also wonderful to see so many old friends and to realize that those connections have stayed strong. The funniest part of the service was the Opening words. Mark said the words and went to light the chalice, and Lucy, quite clearly said, "Ohhh Kayyy!" It was a perfect toddler Amen! I listened to 1/2 of the service from the nursery, which they have kindly added speakers to since I last attended.
And I must have one of their cool new coffee mugs!
The older girls went to class and had a blast with their teachers, one a former mentor of mine - I can't wait to visit again. I was tickled to look out the sanctuary doors and see Nittany Mountain while listening to my former violin teacher play the prelude.
We missed home and it's good to be back, but this trip was remarkable for it's ease. The kids are getting so much easier to travel with. And Tom and Jakob were happy to see us, and Tom got his chores done and even vacuumed and made chicken soup for our homecoming!
We went straight to my dad's nursing home, before my son's head exploded. He had been asking for a week if it was the weekend yet, and we could see Papa George. My dad was as "on" as I've seen him in two years. We visited three times and all the visits were wonderful, with very little inappropriate stuff on his part, and much joy and fun on Jude's part. It's harder for the girls because they're intimidated by the dementia/Alzheimer's patients, who are lonely, and lost, and a little too in-your-face to kids sometimes, but Jude was a joy. He talked happily to everyone, and cheered up the whole floor. The elderly women there just love him to death, and I wish he could visit everyday. He spent most of the first visit standing next to my dad's chair with his elbow resting on dad's shoulder, talking a mile a minute.
It was really hard to leave him today - the patients make me so sad, and I hate leaving him; I'm glad we have plans to go back next month for the holidays.
We also visited with my mom, and we had just the most amazing discussions about my calling and religion and spirituality. I think really, the most honest and non-confrontational talks we've had ... ever? Really. I look forward to more of the same. I left her with my copy of A Chosen Faith, and we cooked together and she made ham sandwiches for us to bring home on our trip. Nobody makes a ham sandwich like my mom. Despite all our differences, there is something about being fed by my mom that keeps me connected to her.
We also had the joy of visiting with my friend Jane, who always nurtures us. We stayed overnight and the girls got to visit with her girls, so they all disappeared and great fun and conversation was had. It's always like we've never been separated, which is the gift of true friendship. We also visited with my newly married friends Keith and Erica, who made us delicious pancakes for breakfast and provided me with a wireless fix! They also kept me plied with my morning coffee and I got to snuggle with their golden retreiver, which made me miss Jakob a little less.
We also got to visit the UUFCC, which was SO great. The sermon was on Ethical Eating, and having been subjected to one recently that made me mostly pissed off, it was great. Rev. Mark is a wonderfully conversational minister, which I had forgotten, and it was a joy to hear him speak again. It was also wonderful to see so many old friends and to realize that those connections have stayed strong. The funniest part of the service was the Opening words. Mark said the words and went to light the chalice, and Lucy, quite clearly said, "Ohhh Kayyy!" It was a perfect toddler Amen! I listened to 1/2 of the service from the nursery, which they have kindly added speakers to since I last attended.
And I must have one of their cool new coffee mugs!
The older girls went to class and had a blast with their teachers, one a former mentor of mine - I can't wait to visit again. I was tickled to look out the sanctuary doors and see Nittany Mountain while listening to my former violin teacher play the prelude.
We missed home and it's good to be back, but this trip was remarkable for it's ease. The kids are getting so much easier to travel with. And Tom and Jakob were happy to see us, and Tom got his chores done and even vacuumed and made chicken soup for our homecoming!
Friday, October 10, 2008
I need silence! And life in bullet points
I really need a sound-proof room. I had forgotten how much toddlers and preschoolers talk! And talk and talk and talk....oh my goodness. And they follow me everywhere. I have found myself sneaking food into the bathroom to eat something without having to share it, while they bang on the locked door and scream for the 27 seconds that I'm in there. Forget trying to actually go to the bathroom in private.
And my 12 year old thinks my kitchen is her closet. She walks in the house and sheds shoes, clothes, backpack, socks...it's like a whirlwind went straight through the room.
But I love them. And despite all their noise and distraction (and because of their love and support), I got the news on Wednesday that my degree plan has been approved. I was also commended by the committee for a well-written essay. I have 11 weeks of school left before I can walk away with my BA, at 35 years of age. I think I need a little counter on my sidebar or something!
Today I got an invitation to CRCDS for a new student tour, worship, and seminar. And I can actually go! So that's exciting news as well.
I also realized that I really need to be working with or involved with teenagers again. I really believe that a large piece of my personal ministry lies there. I miss that work, and am anxious to get involved with our local community center and start giving of my knowledge and support to our kids.
It's supposed to be a gorgeous weekend. Tomorrow Emma has a home cheerleading competition, and a game on Sunday. We're having dinner with my MIL to celebrate her 80th birthday tomorrow night. I get to teach RE on Sunday, and we're going to visit the labyrinth. Then I hope to get outside and enjoy the weather!
Jakob the dog is good. We're continuing at least once daily walks, training, and meditation. I'm enjoying it, even though the first couple of weeks really felt spiritual, and the last week has felt like going through the motions, I know that will pass.
And my 12 year old thinks my kitchen is her closet. She walks in the house and sheds shoes, clothes, backpack, socks...it's like a whirlwind went straight through the room.
But I love them. And despite all their noise and distraction (and because of their love and support), I got the news on Wednesday that my degree plan has been approved. I was also commended by the committee for a well-written essay. I have 11 weeks of school left before I can walk away with my BA, at 35 years of age. I think I need a little counter on my sidebar or something!
Today I got an invitation to CRCDS for a new student tour, worship, and seminar. And I can actually go! So that's exciting news as well.
I also realized that I really need to be working with or involved with teenagers again. I really believe that a large piece of my personal ministry lies there. I miss that work, and am anxious to get involved with our local community center and start giving of my knowledge and support to our kids.
It's supposed to be a gorgeous weekend. Tomorrow Emma has a home cheerleading competition, and a game on Sunday. We're having dinner with my MIL to celebrate her 80th birthday tomorrow night. I get to teach RE on Sunday, and we're going to visit the labyrinth. Then I hope to get outside and enjoy the weather!
Jakob the dog is good. We're continuing at least once daily walks, training, and meditation. I'm enjoying it, even though the first couple of weeks really felt spiritual, and the last week has felt like going through the motions, I know that will pass.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Community Building
First off, the daily walking has been lovely. Jakob and I have heard birds, seen blue jays, and explored a field. We saw the shadow of a leaf as it fell to the ground, and noticed that there were a lot more leaves on the ground today. 3/4 of the kids and I went to pick apples today and I hope to make applesauce tomorrow morning and can it. Jakob sat in the car and was entertained by the chickens at the farm.
In other news, more cheerleading drama. I am frustrated with the lack of consistency with discipline problems, but found out that my email to the person in charge never made it to her, so have been having productive discussions since then. I believe very strongly in the board of directors and in their commitment to creating a good experience for the kids. I am mostly upset that the kids see disrespect (like flipping off the coach) and no consequences. It doesn't teach values, it doesn't teach discipline, it doesn't teach good sportsmanship...I could go on. It's nothing personal about a kid, I like them all. But this is not what I signed up for my kid to see as acceptable behavior. The board was unaware of much of it and are now on the ball, I hope.
They asked me to head up some gymnastics classes so they know I'm committed to community...and now they know that I'm willing to stand by my words as well - I will help within my limited resources (the little kids) as much as possible.
And just a note, Monday, 9/29, was a very special day for my oldest daughter. Congratulations Emma. You are a woman of note.
In other news, more cheerleading drama. I am frustrated with the lack of consistency with discipline problems, but found out that my email to the person in charge never made it to her, so have been having productive discussions since then. I believe very strongly in the board of directors and in their commitment to creating a good experience for the kids. I am mostly upset that the kids see disrespect (like flipping off the coach) and no consequences. It doesn't teach values, it doesn't teach discipline, it doesn't teach good sportsmanship...I could go on. It's nothing personal about a kid, I like them all. But this is not what I signed up for my kid to see as acceptable behavior. The board was unaware of much of it and are now on the ball, I hope.
They asked me to head up some gymnastics classes so they know I'm committed to community...and now they know that I'm willing to stand by my words as well - I will help within my limited resources (the little kids) as much as possible.
And just a note, Monday, 9/29, was a very special day for my oldest daughter. Congratulations Emma. You are a woman of note.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Parenting & Living our values
Last night I was awake for a very long time, trying to think about what the best approach is to this new era of parenting. I'm frightened.
Deciding to homeschool was not in any way a decision to "protect" my children from the world; on the contrary, they are very aware of current events, and real issues in the world. However, they are not very worldly in other ways, I guess.
I mentioned the other day that my oldest, 12.5, is making some new friends through her cheerleading, and they are all school kids, and from what I can tell, low-income, broken homes (kind of like ours, but without the access to the education we've had). I consider myself a liberal parent; I give a lot choices, I challenge my kids to think outside the box, I'm comfortable with them expressing themselves in a variety of ways...that is very different from the lack of direction and parenting I see happening with these kids.
My daughter is dismayed by the serious lack of self-image in all of the girls, and the negative body talk that is constant. I am dismayed by the talk of multiple boyfriends, stealing beer, doing drugs, etc. in kids that are 12-13. I think some of these kids are kids who don't have direction, and are exposed to older kids, or adults who make poor decisions. She feels young compared to these girls - but she is so much older in some ways.
I grew up in a very screwed up environment, and I was doing these things - but at 15 - not at 11 or 12. These kids are still babies - they have no life experience. They are in all kinds of danger - legal, physical, sexual, etc. I was a baby too, and thought I was cool enough to handle it. But a 15 yo is different from an 11 yo. And I cried last night, thinking of how these kids must be feeling inside to be exhibiting such negative outward behavior. I wouldn't wish those feelings on any kid.
I don't want to be controlling about friendships, but I'm very concerned about how to balance providing a different model for these kids by inviting them here to hang out where I can provide supervision and a different viewpoint against my kids being exposed to ideas about sneaking out at night, stealing alcohol, being in love at 12, being suspended from school in 6th grade, the negative connotations of school as a prison, not a place to learn; racist comments about the black kids at school. The girl that visited yesterday also told multiple lies - ridiculous ones. Unnecessary ones.
I can always keep the door open for my daughter to talk to me - I hope she never feels that she has to sneak around or steal from me; but up till now, I don't think the idea has ever crossed her mind!
As a parent, how do you put your own values on the line by potentially putting your children in situations where there is risk?
As someone on a path to ministry, these are questions I struggle with - personal sacrifice, family sacrifice, how to provide safe space without judgment for others' choices; to give and care with humility and love, and how to be smart about it. I'd love to hear people's thoughts.
It's really hard not to be judgmental about what I see as lack of values, and to feel superior in some mean, small part of myself.
But, for the grace of God, there go I.
Deciding to homeschool was not in any way a decision to "protect" my children from the world; on the contrary, they are very aware of current events, and real issues in the world. However, they are not very worldly in other ways, I guess.
I mentioned the other day that my oldest, 12.5, is making some new friends through her cheerleading, and they are all school kids, and from what I can tell, low-income, broken homes (kind of like ours, but without the access to the education we've had). I consider myself a liberal parent; I give a lot choices, I challenge my kids to think outside the box, I'm comfortable with them expressing themselves in a variety of ways...that is very different from the lack of direction and parenting I see happening with these kids.
My daughter is dismayed by the serious lack of self-image in all of the girls, and the negative body talk that is constant. I am dismayed by the talk of multiple boyfriends, stealing beer, doing drugs, etc. in kids that are 12-13. I think some of these kids are kids who don't have direction, and are exposed to older kids, or adults who make poor decisions. She feels young compared to these girls - but she is so much older in some ways.
I grew up in a very screwed up environment, and I was doing these things - but at 15 - not at 11 or 12. These kids are still babies - they have no life experience. They are in all kinds of danger - legal, physical, sexual, etc. I was a baby too, and thought I was cool enough to handle it. But a 15 yo is different from an 11 yo. And I cried last night, thinking of how these kids must be feeling inside to be exhibiting such negative outward behavior. I wouldn't wish those feelings on any kid.
I don't want to be controlling about friendships, but I'm very concerned about how to balance providing a different model for these kids by inviting them here to hang out where I can provide supervision and a different viewpoint against my kids being exposed to ideas about sneaking out at night, stealing alcohol, being in love at 12, being suspended from school in 6th grade, the negative connotations of school as a prison, not a place to learn; racist comments about the black kids at school. The girl that visited yesterday also told multiple lies - ridiculous ones. Unnecessary ones.
I can always keep the door open for my daughter to talk to me - I hope she never feels that she has to sneak around or steal from me; but up till now, I don't think the idea has ever crossed her mind!
As a parent, how do you put your own values on the line by potentially putting your children in situations where there is risk?
As someone on a path to ministry, these are questions I struggle with - personal sacrifice, family sacrifice, how to provide safe space without judgment for others' choices; to give and care with humility and love, and how to be smart about it. I'd love to hear people's thoughts.
It's really hard not to be judgmental about what I see as lack of values, and to feel superior in some mean, small part of myself.
But, for the grace of God, there go I.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Membership in the larger context
Jan and I have been talking about membership and what it means to those who make use of the RE program - a little more than half of our families are members - and that translates into money, on some level. Thinking about money and spirituality makes me a little queasy, quite honestly, but we had a great and reflective discussion about it and how it is communicated at First UU. I just found this post from UUMomma about membership and what it means. She doesn't seem to get clear answers either, so at least I'm not alone. I want to think about visioning and what it means to be a member - both as a current member of my church, and as a future minister.
Money:
Jan explained to me that the hope is that people who come regularly will pledge, even if they don't become members. This wasn't clear to me before I became a member at either of the UU churches I have belonged to, and I don't think that there's a clear communication path around this. As a user of RE or community services through the church, this makes sense though.
The other piece is that pledging seems to be the big piece of becoming a member. Our ministers had a dessert for prospective members and gave us a spiel about where pledge money goes and how it supports the church. Now I adore our ministers, but this felt more like buying a used car than joining a church.
Handing over a check while signing the membership book - ick. I'd rather hand over my soul ;).
Personally, I know that money is part of church, but I don't want to think about it that much as a newcomer. I want to bask in the sermons, feel the safety of community, and meet people. But I think that if I had been invited, even as a non-member, to congregational meetings (even though non-members don't get a vote), I would have understood so much more about how important time and pledges are to the running of the church.
I told Jan that I think that our membership committee should reach out to new people in their first year and help them connect to the practicalities of church - after all UUs are pretty methodical and seeking people who want information for the most part. I wonder how other people feel about that? About having a conversation with people about membership vs. pledging - they dont' have to come together.
Congregational and budget meetings are as community building as small groups like book group with the minister, Wellspring, etc. Just from a different perspective. I'd much rather go to those and be asked to pledge than to be "sold" the idea of pledging. But maybe that's just me?
Membership:
So what does it mean to be a member? I think that's probably as personal as what UUism means to people in a religious and spiritual way.
Speaking for myself, membership means a commitment to my spiritual path as a UU, as well as practicalities. Being willing to serve on committees, to volunteer my time, to attend groups that help me grow personally.
Membership means that I need to take part in radical hospitality - I need to commit to reaching out to old and new members and making them feel welcome every time they show up. To be in contact with our ministers and staff about things I know about our visitors and members - what they need from us.
To evangelize - talk to others outside the UU about the UU - to encourage people to try it out, to see if it's the right path for them if they're seeking one.
To support the church financially and with energy and time. To make it a priority as my top community that gets a lot of my resources and talents.
To support the church's initiatives in the local and global community.
And finally for me, to lead, to love, to nurture, to build. To use my love and talents in organization, speaking, web-weaving to reach others and serve. Being a member is to embrace everything practical and spiritual about our religion (is it a religion? For the sake of argument we'll say it is, for today).
Money:
Jan explained to me that the hope is that people who come regularly will pledge, even if they don't become members. This wasn't clear to me before I became a member at either of the UU churches I have belonged to, and I don't think that there's a clear communication path around this. As a user of RE or community services through the church, this makes sense though.
The other piece is that pledging seems to be the big piece of becoming a member. Our ministers had a dessert for prospective members and gave us a spiel about where pledge money goes and how it supports the church. Now I adore our ministers, but this felt more like buying a used car than joining a church.
Handing over a check while signing the membership book - ick. I'd rather hand over my soul ;).
Personally, I know that money is part of church, but I don't want to think about it that much as a newcomer. I want to bask in the sermons, feel the safety of community, and meet people. But I think that if I had been invited, even as a non-member, to congregational meetings (even though non-members don't get a vote), I would have understood so much more about how important time and pledges are to the running of the church.
I told Jan that I think that our membership committee should reach out to new people in their first year and help them connect to the practicalities of church - after all UUs are pretty methodical and seeking people who want information for the most part. I wonder how other people feel about that? About having a conversation with people about membership vs. pledging - they dont' have to come together.
Congregational and budget meetings are as community building as small groups like book group with the minister, Wellspring, etc. Just from a different perspective. I'd much rather go to those and be asked to pledge than to be "sold" the idea of pledging. But maybe that's just me?
Membership:
So what does it mean to be a member? I think that's probably as personal as what UUism means to people in a religious and spiritual way.
Speaking for myself, membership means a commitment to my spiritual path as a UU, as well as practicalities. Being willing to serve on committees, to volunteer my time, to attend groups that help me grow personally.
Membership means that I need to take part in radical hospitality - I need to commit to reaching out to old and new members and making them feel welcome every time they show up. To be in contact with our ministers and staff about things I know about our visitors and members - what they need from us.
To evangelize - talk to others outside the UU about the UU - to encourage people to try it out, to see if it's the right path for them if they're seeking one.
To support the church financially and with energy and time. To make it a priority as my top community that gets a lot of my resources and talents.
To support the church's initiatives in the local and global community.
And finally for me, to lead, to love, to nurture, to build. To use my love and talents in organization, speaking, web-weaving to reach others and serve. Being a member is to embrace everything practical and spiritual about our religion (is it a religion? For the sake of argument we'll say it is, for today).
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