So, after my angst about going (somewhat deserved), I'm home again! The first 24 hours were sheer hell emotionally. I was homesick, I was intimidated by the leader and the women's circle, I cried, I was cold, and I was totally outside my comfort zone. Then I took some time to meditate alone in my tent, with great intention, about getting present and focused and open... and an incredible shift happened.
I asked for what I needed. I became my authentic, imperfect self in the group. I met my mentee and immediately fell in love with her. I engaged in all the exhausting, exhilarating physical, emotional and spiritual work of the weekend (I am still exhausted). I watched my daughter have an amazing experience separate from, yet connected to my own. I cried and laughed and was in community with a fucking awesome circle of women and girls - I have been avoiding this circle thing like the plague for years - and had yet another entire transformation.
I realized that I have a hard time taking up space, asking for what I need, and getting attention. I have vowed to do a better job learning to take care of myself in groups, not just in 1:1 relationships. I made friends, I met fabulous teens, and I can't even describe the weekend. It was intense, frightening, fabulous, comforting, nurturing, push and shove out of everyone's box...and spiritual.
Thank God I knew a few of the women there....but I met so many, So Many wonderful and wise women there.
And it's good to be home. I feel trialed by fire and Emma does too, but we're closer and better for it. I can't wait for Soren to go.
Showing posts with label rituals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rituals. Show all posts
Monday, August 10, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Vermin and Circumcision, Redux
Well, the mouse is gone. No more poop to clean up for now! We had to wash a bazillion dishes last night, and without a dishwasher and with 6 people to wash for, that was an unwelcome addition and a waste of water. So that's taken care of, at least!
I've had some good comments on my last post - I had already looked at some of the websites that were recommended - thanks Mark! (after I posted), and found them to be helpful. I think that for me, circumcision is not a parenting issue, or even a religious issue, but a human rights issue. But for those that are fundamentalist in their views, and see circumcision as a convenant with God, it is one of those places where you just can't convince someone to be logical, because it conflicts with their religious beliefs. This is where the Unitarian part of me triumphs, because I am very much about seeing the proof, and just cannot take the Bible as the literal word of God, especially given the errors in translation and the cultural context of the times.
Hugh, thanks for your link as well - I am going to read through that and pass it on.
Steve, I am interested in this research as well and have not had time to peruse it, but a lot of what concerns me about infant circumcision (male, female, what have you) even in the west, is that it is done with no anesthesia - there is still some sort of mistaken belief that infants cannot feel pain. And there are also risks associated with circumcision, including death (though rare, here).
I don't see immunization as falling into the category of mutilation or unnecessary surgery though. However, as a side note, I am one of those annoying parents who breastfeeds in part because of the immunities passed on, and delays vaccinations, and then insists that they be given one at a time, rather than the 4-7 (including multiple vaccines like DTaP) because there is no way to tell what a child is reacting to if they are getting a bunch of shots all at once. Informed choice and research is a good thing when you're dealing with small bodies and medications of any sort. There is certainly a lot of contrpversial research around the effects of immunizations on people, and the alarming rise in all sorts of illness in the last 60 years since they have become mandated.
I've had some good comments on my last post - I had already looked at some of the websites that were recommended - thanks Mark! (after I posted), and found them to be helpful. I think that for me, circumcision is not a parenting issue, or even a religious issue, but a human rights issue. But for those that are fundamentalist in their views, and see circumcision as a convenant with God, it is one of those places where you just can't convince someone to be logical, because it conflicts with their religious beliefs. This is where the Unitarian part of me triumphs, because I am very much about seeing the proof, and just cannot take the Bible as the literal word of God, especially given the errors in translation and the cultural context of the times.
Hugh, thanks for your link as well - I am going to read through that and pass it on.
Steve, I am interested in this research as well and have not had time to peruse it, but a lot of what concerns me about infant circumcision (male, female, what have you) even in the west, is that it is done with no anesthesia - there is still some sort of mistaken belief that infants cannot feel pain. And there are also risks associated with circumcision, including death (though rare, here).
I don't see immunization as falling into the category of mutilation or unnecessary surgery though. However, as a side note, I am one of those annoying parents who breastfeeds in part because of the immunities passed on, and delays vaccinations, and then insists that they be given one at a time, rather than the 4-7 (including multiple vaccines like DTaP) because there is no way to tell what a child is reacting to if they are getting a bunch of shots all at once. Informed choice and research is a good thing when you're dealing with small bodies and medications of any sort. There is certainly a lot of contrpversial research around the effects of immunizations on people, and the alarming rise in all sorts of illness in the last 60 years since they have become mandated.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Solstice Approacheth
I had the pleasure of attending the Solstice celebration at one of my kids' programs today. It's a Waldorf-based homeschooling class that meets weekly, and I just love it. They set up a gorgeous pine bough spiral into which each family walked and lit their family candle. Then we all sang together and then had a little feast. It was lovely, as it always is. This is our fifth year. The older kids were a bit restless and noisy this year, so the sacred was not as quiet as it usually is though.
I bought a chalice finally. I have been looking for just the right thing and found it at the festival today. I'll post a picture at some point. I'm also getting two chalice pendants for my birthday/wedding anniversary next week, so I am looking forward to that as well. My chalice is beautiful and is making me feel all warm and fuzzy to meditate by! I really need a little altar area soon that is truly devoted to my spiritual items, now that I have some.
I have been very cranky lately and am having a hard time balancing real life and my need for inner solitude and reflection. I feel this overwhelming need for everyone to just leave me alone so I can meditate, read, reflect, and do nothing at all if I feel like it. I'm sure it's relief at finally graduating, having a plan for grad school and also just the darkness of the year.
I feel almost physically oppressed by it. I am anxious for the Solstice to pass and the incremental advance of the Sun on my days. I am craving warmth and find myself tending our fire almost obsessively and drinking in the sunlight when it makes brief appearances. We are to get 4 to 8" of snow tonight and tomorrow, so I kept my daughter home from gymnastics tonight so I wouldn't have to drive to the city tomorrow to get her. I know we still have a few months of cold and wet yet, and I wish I could flee! My eldest is going to Fla. in Feb. and I am so jealous (though I wouldn't choose Fla. for my sun - more likely Hawaii, Mexico, or Aruba!).
My husband loves Nakai, and I found this Solstice prayer. I hope it moves you.
I bought a chalice finally. I have been looking for just the right thing and found it at the festival today. I'll post a picture at some point. I'm also getting two chalice pendants for my birthday/wedding anniversary next week, so I am looking forward to that as well. My chalice is beautiful and is making me feel all warm and fuzzy to meditate by! I really need a little altar area soon that is truly devoted to my spiritual items, now that I have some.
I have been very cranky lately and am having a hard time balancing real life and my need for inner solitude and reflection. I feel this overwhelming need for everyone to just leave me alone so I can meditate, read, reflect, and do nothing at all if I feel like it. I'm sure it's relief at finally graduating, having a plan for grad school and also just the darkness of the year.
I feel almost physically oppressed by it. I am anxious for the Solstice to pass and the incremental advance of the Sun on my days. I am craving warmth and find myself tending our fire almost obsessively and drinking in the sunlight when it makes brief appearances. We are to get 4 to 8" of snow tonight and tomorrow, so I kept my daughter home from gymnastics tonight so I wouldn't have to drive to the city tomorrow to get her. I know we still have a few months of cold and wet yet, and I wish I could flee! My eldest is going to Fla. in Feb. and I am so jealous (though I wouldn't choose Fla. for my sun - more likely Hawaii, Mexico, or Aruba!).
My husband loves Nakai, and I found this Solstice prayer. I hope it moves you.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Wellspring, Theology, and RE
Yesterday, I had the honor of attending the Wellspring orientation. Honestly, what I think was so wonderful about it was how much silence there was. Certainly, we were talked at quite a bit, but I spend my days surrounded by children and adults who talk, talk, talk. It was very healing to me to have a day where I spoke very little, except at lunchtime, and when asked to as part of communication exercises on empathic listening.
I felt so refreshed at the end of the day, and it was hard to go back to my family - as it turns out, my entire family, as we were having a family birthday party for Jude at my mother-in-law's house. It was hard to hold on to the feeling of peace I left church with, but I tried.
One of the things that I enjoyed the most was getting to walk the labyrinth. We have such a beautiful property at the church; it's a hidden gem of nature, and the labyrinth is no exception. I have not had a chance to walk it before, but really got a lot out of the experience. We did it as a group, and I had to really push myself out of my comfort zone to do that; experiencing mystery is a very private thing for me, but one of my reasons for attending Wellspring, in addition to preparing for seminary, is to be more genuine and outwardly spiritual. To let joy flow in and out of me, and to "let my light shine" so to speak.
Some other personal goals include:
being more intentional (about making connections, being intimate with my heart and others, about being open to possibility, about finding joy, and about finding God in every single day, and about forgiveness of myself and others)
I want to maintain a sense of humor and humility (lessons from the labyrinth) and let go of fear. All good goals for the next 10 months, I think!
I had a really basic epiphany while walking. It was a very personal, individual journey, but it was very comforting to have fellow travelers, which I didn't expect. It was good to be able to focus on the earth under my bare feet at times, and at others, to meet someone's eyes and smile in solidarity, or companionship.
Another awakening was regarding my need for spiritual privacy - I really think it stems from learning in childhood to be secretive and guarded - I am very self-conscious and afraid of "not doing it right." At one point during the labyrinth, it seemed very long, and even though the leader told us before we started that there was one way in, and one way out, I became convinced that I alone must be doing it wrong. I thought that I must have bypassed the center, or taken some wrong turning that would leave me wandering for hours, never reaching the center, or the way out.
Of course, I realized the ridiculousness as soon as I had the thought, and had a good laugh at myself. I found humor and humility on that walk, as well as awakening and companionship. A lot to gain in a half hour of meditation.
It was also a gift to be able to sit and watch others walk the labyrinth - I had to wonder if they felt self-conscious, as I did; or if they could put it aside in more intentional meditation. Of course, I'm sure there are a range of thoughts.
Our first reading is A Hidden Wholeness, by Parker J. Palmer. The moderators raved about it, and I was able to pick up a copy today at Barnes & Noble. I must admit though that I'm already having trouble with some of his theories about the soul. I'm making copious notes, and journaling about it. I also got a new, red Moleskine journal while I was there, just for Wellspring. Well, I'll try! I tend to use my journals for all kinds of things, and am feeling vulnerable about journaling much that is deep right now.
I taught the Chalice Children (4 yo's) at church today, and missed the sermon, but it was great fun. The kids made chalices from play-dough and decorated them with sequins, feathers, and shaped pasta. We talked a bit about our class covenant and how we want to treat each other, as well as what we enjoy about church, and what people do there. I drew some parallels between their RE class, and what the adults do during the service. (And that we all like snack!)
I read Old Turtle, which was a little uncomfortable for me, as I'm trying to get comfortable with the terms God and Spirit and Soul and how to incorporate them into my own beliefs, and I'm not sure how the support parent felt about it, but the kids enjoyed the story. Jude said he liked it best when I made my voice like thunder!
In the car, I asked him what he thought God might be like, and he said it was a knight with a sword on his back. Apparently, Jude sees a God of Vengeance against monsters! A good 4 yo response.
Anyway, back to Palmer, I have some initial reactions.
First, I disagree with Palmer's premise that "all of us arrive on earth with souls in perfect form" (34). I don't have any more proof than Palmer does for my opinion, but some of his reasoning doesn't seem to support his claim, or at the very least, muddies the waters. He says that people have a "birthright nature" (32) and that the True Self (33) or the soul, the objective, ontological reality of selfhood (which by many philosophers is considered a circular argument anyway), that keeps us from the diminishments of our humanity. (emphasis mine).
I'm still trying to figure this out, and more wise minds than mine will weigh in, I'm sure. My question is, if the soul is our higher nature, and is objective, and it "keeps us from the diminishments of our humanity the threaten the quality of our lives," how can we separate that very soul from the humanity that makes us unique individuals? I have a hard time separating the idea of spirit or true self from the humanity that makes us who we are.
Why would each person's individual spark or soul all be in perfect form upon arrival/birth? If we are each an individual, it doesn't seem to follow that each unique person would arrive with the same purity of spirit, especially, if as Palmer says, souls are objective. Objectivity doesn't equal purity, does it?
He also spends a long paragraph describing all the negative things in the world that influence our supposedly pure spirit and put it at risk, but neglects to mention all the wonderful and positive things that also exist in our world that can uplift the soul. He also accuses us of having negative values that are internal (integral to our humanity?), which conspire with external enemies of the soul. If we are born with the perfect soul, where do these internal impulses come from? Are we so instantly sullied by our humanity once our physical bodies enter the world? I'm sure there is some practical theology that I'm lacking here that would help to explain his position, but although I'm interested in it, I'm not sure I'd be swayed by it. The arguments seem to be lacking in something, which is making it hard for me to see him as someone who can lead me into becoming more whole and integrated (which incidentially, is one of the reasons I'm participating in Wellspring).
He also claims that securalism contributes to our inattention (35) to our souls, but I honestly don't understand how he's defining secularism here - he calls it cynicism, which I think is a pretty narrow use of the word. Isn't there room for something in between hardcore religious belief and secularism to believe that we are born as unique individuals and that at the same time, we are are malleable (or objective, if you will) material that has a soul that is - neither imperfect or perfect, but part of our whole (!) humanity?
I don't know how much time I have to engage in too deep a conversation here about it, but I am absolutely interested in others' thoughts on my musings, and on Palmer's book.
I felt so refreshed at the end of the day, and it was hard to go back to my family - as it turns out, my entire family, as we were having a family birthday party for Jude at my mother-in-law's house. It was hard to hold on to the feeling of peace I left church with, but I tried.
One of the things that I enjoyed the most was getting to walk the labyrinth. We have such a beautiful property at the church; it's a hidden gem of nature, and the labyrinth is no exception. I have not had a chance to walk it before, but really got a lot out of the experience. We did it as a group, and I had to really push myself out of my comfort zone to do that; experiencing mystery is a very private thing for me, but one of my reasons for attending Wellspring, in addition to preparing for seminary, is to be more genuine and outwardly spiritual. To let joy flow in and out of me, and to "let my light shine" so to speak.
Some other personal goals include:
being more intentional (about making connections, being intimate with my heart and others, about being open to possibility, about finding joy, and about finding God in every single day, and about forgiveness of myself and others)
I want to maintain a sense of humor and humility (lessons from the labyrinth) and let go of fear. All good goals for the next 10 months, I think!
I had a really basic epiphany while walking. It was a very personal, individual journey, but it was very comforting to have fellow travelers, which I didn't expect. It was good to be able to focus on the earth under my bare feet at times, and at others, to meet someone's eyes and smile in solidarity, or companionship.
Another awakening was regarding my need for spiritual privacy - I really think it stems from learning in childhood to be secretive and guarded - I am very self-conscious and afraid of "not doing it right." At one point during the labyrinth, it seemed very long, and even though the leader told us before we started that there was one way in, and one way out, I became convinced that I alone must be doing it wrong. I thought that I must have bypassed the center, or taken some wrong turning that would leave me wandering for hours, never reaching the center, or the way out.
Of course, I realized the ridiculousness as soon as I had the thought, and had a good laugh at myself. I found humor and humility on that walk, as well as awakening and companionship. A lot to gain in a half hour of meditation.
It was also a gift to be able to sit and watch others walk the labyrinth - I had to wonder if they felt self-conscious, as I did; or if they could put it aside in more intentional meditation. Of course, I'm sure there are a range of thoughts.
Our first reading is A Hidden Wholeness, by Parker J. Palmer. The moderators raved about it, and I was able to pick up a copy today at Barnes & Noble. I must admit though that I'm already having trouble with some of his theories about the soul. I'm making copious notes, and journaling about it. I also got a new, red Moleskine journal while I was there, just for Wellspring. Well, I'll try! I tend to use my journals for all kinds of things, and am feeling vulnerable about journaling much that is deep right now.
I taught the Chalice Children (4 yo's) at church today, and missed the sermon, but it was great fun. The kids made chalices from play-dough and decorated them with sequins, feathers, and shaped pasta. We talked a bit about our class covenant and how we want to treat each other, as well as what we enjoy about church, and what people do there. I drew some parallels between their RE class, and what the adults do during the service. (And that we all like snack!)
I read Old Turtle, which was a little uncomfortable for me, as I'm trying to get comfortable with the terms God and Spirit and Soul and how to incorporate them into my own beliefs, and I'm not sure how the support parent felt about it, but the kids enjoyed the story. Jude said he liked it best when I made my voice like thunder!
In the car, I asked him what he thought God might be like, and he said it was a knight with a sword on his back. Apparently, Jude sees a God of Vengeance against monsters! A good 4 yo response.
Anyway, back to Palmer, I have some initial reactions.
First, I disagree with Palmer's premise that "all of us arrive on earth with souls in perfect form" (34). I don't have any more proof than Palmer does for my opinion, but some of his reasoning doesn't seem to support his claim, or at the very least, muddies the waters. He says that people have a "birthright nature" (32) and that the True Self (33) or the soul, the objective, ontological reality of selfhood (which by many philosophers is considered a circular argument anyway), that keeps us from the diminishments of our humanity. (emphasis mine).
I'm still trying to figure this out, and more wise minds than mine will weigh in, I'm sure. My question is, if the soul is our higher nature, and is objective, and it "keeps us from the diminishments of our humanity the threaten the quality of our lives," how can we separate that very soul from the humanity that makes us unique individuals? I have a hard time separating the idea of spirit or true self from the humanity that makes us who we are.
Why would each person's individual spark or soul all be in perfect form upon arrival/birth? If we are each an individual, it doesn't seem to follow that each unique person would arrive with the same purity of spirit, especially, if as Palmer says, souls are objective. Objectivity doesn't equal purity, does it?
He also spends a long paragraph describing all the negative things in the world that influence our supposedly pure spirit and put it at risk, but neglects to mention all the wonderful and positive things that also exist in our world that can uplift the soul. He also accuses us of having negative values that are internal (integral to our humanity?), which conspire with external enemies of the soul. If we are born with the perfect soul, where do these internal impulses come from? Are we so instantly sullied by our humanity once our physical bodies enter the world? I'm sure there is some practical theology that I'm lacking here that would help to explain his position, but although I'm interested in it, I'm not sure I'd be swayed by it. The arguments seem to be lacking in something, which is making it hard for me to see him as someone who can lead me into becoming more whole and integrated (which incidentially, is one of the reasons I'm participating in Wellspring).
He also claims that securalism contributes to our inattention (35) to our souls, but I honestly don't understand how he's defining secularism here - he calls it cynicism, which I think is a pretty narrow use of the word. Isn't there room for something in between hardcore religious belief and secularism to believe that we are born as unique individuals and that at the same time, we are are malleable (or objective, if you will) material that has a soul that is - neither imperfect or perfect, but part of our whole (!) humanity?
I don't know how much time I have to engage in too deep a conversation here about it, but I am absolutely interested in others' thoughts on my musings, and on Palmer's book.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Crying at Weddings
I just got back from the wedding of two of my dearest friends (who I knew separately, and they met each other and fell in love!), and it was so wonderful. My former minister did the ceremony, and I was honored to do one of the readings.
It was so amazing and of course I cried. There is nothing more hopeful than a joining together of lives, and of course it makes me renew my own internal marriage vows, and be more in love with my own husband and family.
I honestly can say that this was THE most family/kid friendly event I have ever been to. Unfortunately, Jude got upset and had to be taken away by my husband, who missed the vows and the other good parts, like the kissing!
I got to see lots of old friends, meet some new ones, and have an utterly relaxing and joyous time. The kids traveled well, we stayed overnight with a different dear friend and were rejuvenated by her love and healthy cooking.
I got home to an annoying continuation of some difficult business, but dealt with it immediately. I also got an email and a phone call asking me about teaching gymnastics locally at the community center, which I would consider after December. I am excited to hear more about it! And an email about Wellspring news, which is getting me excited! My former minister mentioned that he is thinking about starting up a program in State College, which would be awesome.
So Congrats to E & K! I hope they have a miraculously awesome honeymoon in Italy, and enjoy their new married status for the rest of their lives!
It was so amazing and of course I cried. There is nothing more hopeful than a joining together of lives, and of course it makes me renew my own internal marriage vows, and be more in love with my own husband and family.
I honestly can say that this was THE most family/kid friendly event I have ever been to. Unfortunately, Jude got upset and had to be taken away by my husband, who missed the vows and the other good parts, like the kissing!
I got to see lots of old friends, meet some new ones, and have an utterly relaxing and joyous time. The kids traveled well, we stayed overnight with a different dear friend and were rejuvenated by her love and healthy cooking.
I got home to an annoying continuation of some difficult business, but dealt with it immediately. I also got an email and a phone call asking me about teaching gymnastics locally at the community center, which I would consider after December. I am excited to hear more about it! And an email about Wellspring news, which is getting me excited! My former minister mentioned that he is thinking about starting up a program in State College, which would be awesome.
So Congrats to E & K! I hope they have a miraculously awesome honeymoon in Italy, and enjoy their new married status for the rest of their lives!
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