Best friends

Today, I put aside studying for the afternoon so that my 11 year old could spend that time with her best friend, and I could do the same with my best friend, the mom of said 11 year old's best friend. Confused yet?

I find that in ministry, it is so important to have a spiritual director, and a therapist isn't a bad idea. But having a best friend to vent to, to keep you straight, to tell you where you screwed up, and let you know where you didn't? That is a true necessity.

When I screw up, I always think, WWLS? (What would L say?). She doesn't pull any punches with me. She's kind, but direct. I have a lot of people I love in my home congregation and am finding more lovelies in my teaching congregation, but there are boundaries as you move further into the process. (For a great read on this topic, check this out.) It's imperative to have a friend you can trust. Not that we haven't had our moments of frustration with each other; after six years of weekly plus contact, that's bound to happen. But I'm so grateful that our friendship has survived all this time.

In Wellspring this week, we were talking about Parker Palmer's thoughts on living undivided lives. Living your faith, your values, while remaining open to dialogue and being non-judgmental is a hard row to hoe sometimes. How do we live out who we are and what we believe, and have prophetic voices, not just in our ministry role, but in our lives, without being seen as preachy, or goody-two-shoes, or inauthentic?

It's a balancing act. I am so glad that I have a few good friends who I can bounce these things off of and who give me honest feedback - who see my whole self - not just one aspect of me. Student, intern, student minister, mom, friend, wife, adversary, teacher, board member, employee - I am all of these things, but there are few that see the whole person and love me for that, warts and all.

Taking off the different hats that we wear and being our true, whole selves, is important for everyone. Having a friend who will empower you do that, listen to your hopes and fears, successes and challenges? It's like that credit card commercial. Priceless.

Sandwiched

Like many of my contemporaries, I am part of a sandwich generation, simultaneously parenting young (and not-so-young) children while caring for the needs of aging parents.

I went home to central PA this week to visit with my family for the first time since Christmas. My little kids adore visiting their grandparents, and I look forward to stealing some hours to visit a couple of dear friends and their children.

It struck me, really struck me, how time is passing. I am no longer a young adult (duh). My parents are aging and struggling with illness. Balancing the needs of my children while visiting with them was enlightening.

My mother has always been (and considered ) a handsome woman. But the last 10 years have not been easy on her body. I really saw her with fresh eyes this week, as she needed to be helped out of the shower. This woman, whom I spent years hating, and still avoid at times, and who has defined so much of what I have become in spite of her, is old. She has mellowed a bit. She is overweight and on oxygen 100 percent of the time. I helped her put lotion on her back, and then her legs. She had beautiful legs, in her day. Due to Bowen's Disease (which is not usually malignant, but is in her case), she has sores all over her legs, as a result of too much sun, and arsenic poisoning. She also has developed an autoimmune disease, which has left her legs and arms covered in other sores and rough patches.  She has severe diabetes, and cares greatly for her feet. I rubbed lotion into her feet, taking the time to massage them for her. 

My father is adored by my 5 year old son. He never let go of "Papa George's hand and prattled on and on. My father is in the process of being tested for prostate cancer, and has moderate to severe dementia. He has survived aneurisms, accidents, heart attacks. Jude and him are a good pair. They talk to each other, but don't really care about the response, just needing a warm hand and a listening ear. Lucy climbed on his lap, and it brought tears to my eyes to see how much they love him and accept him as he is. That's not an easy task for the older girls, who dislike the dementia unit at the nursing home and are made a bit uneasy by the overly friendly overtures of the women patients. We took my dad out to Red Lobster, because Jude remembered how much Papa George loves it. It was a fun meal, and my dad had a great time.

It was hard to come home. My 14 year old was ready, after 4 days. She told me, "I know this is your home mom, but it's not mine anymore." That about broke my heart - I would move back in a heartbeat. I am homesick for the mountains for weeks after a visit. Happy Valley is a charmed little place, privileged, growing,  transforming. I miss my house there, my friends, Spring Creek, bike riding. I miss my friends still. But there are things I love about the Finger Lakes.

Being sandwiched means that when I took a vote on whether to stay another night or not, and I was the deciding vote, I put my own love for home aside and put my children's love for their home first. So here we are, back at the ranch, so to speak.

Next week starts a new chapter in my life, and I am a little anxious, but ready. The joys and sorrows of being in the sandwich generation will inform my compassion and love for those who share this journey.

Boston Baked Beans

OK, first of all, nothing to do with baked beans. I moved our baby chicks outside today and the indoor chickens and the outdoor chickens seem to be adjusting to each other OK. I kept the mama and chicks in the coop all day, and the older americaunas locked outside. About 5:30, I was sitting with a napping Lucy, with my headset on, watching True Blood, and heard a heck of a commotion outside.

I ran outside to all this clucking noise, and there was a hawk stalking my chickens!! They were freaking out, and the hawk took off when I came out. Everyone stayed safe though ::whew:::.

I got back late last night from my career assessment in Dedham, MA. It was really worth every penny of the $1700 it cost :::faint::::. But really, they were fabulous, and I had a couple minor surprises, but walked away feeling very confident that I'm very much on the right journey, and possessing a lot of important skills.

I stayed with a friend from high school and her husband, and they were wonderful host(ess)es, and took me out on the town for seafood and the attendant New England cornbread and baked beans. The food was to die for, and even sharing, my friend and I couldn't finish the Indian pudding!

I had a quick and dirty tour of Boston. I am :::swooon:::: in love with Boston. I would move there tomorrow. From the second I went over that bridge into the city and delved into the Big Dig, I was sold. The energy there is so wonderful. I would thrive there. I even got to go down to the harbor and smell the salt air. Ahhh. A very short ocean fix, but worth the walk. I found the Holocaust memorial to be stunning and incredibly moving.

I got to visit First Church and the former sexton that let us in was an overwhelming wealth of knowledge about the architecture of the building and of the history of it, and Boston itself. I could have listened to him all night if we could have gone somewhere with a/c.

To any other seminarians, I highly recommend ccdmin.org. They were thorough, honest, and helped me really clarify things in a new and wonderful way.

I made it!

So, after my angst about going (somewhat deserved), I'm home again! The first 24 hours were sheer hell emotionally. I was homesick, I was intimidated by the leader and the women's circle, I cried, I was cold, and I was totally outside my comfort zone. Then I took some time to meditate alone in my tent, with great intention, about getting present and focused and open... and an incredible shift happened.

I asked for what I needed. I became my authentic, imperfect self in the group. I met my mentee and immediately fell in love with her. I engaged in all the exhausting, exhilarating physical, emotional and spiritual work of the weekend (I am still exhausted). I watched my daughter have an amazing experience separate from, yet connected to my own. I cried and laughed and was in community with a fucking awesome circle of women and girls - I have been avoiding this circle thing like the plague for years - and had yet another entire transformation.

I realized that I have a hard time taking up space, asking for what I need, and getting attention. I have vowed to do a better job learning to take care of myself in groups, not just in 1:1 relationships. I made friends, I met fabulous teens, and I can't even describe the weekend. It was intense, frightening, fabulous, comforting, nurturing, push and shove out of everyone's box...and spiritual.

Thank God I knew a few of the women there....but I met so many, So Many wonderful and wise women there.

And it's good to be home. I feel trialed by fire and Emma does too, but we're closer and better for it. I can't wait for Soren to go.

Healthy Thoughts

I am sending out love and healing thoughts to a friend at church who had a stillbirth on Tuesday night. I am devestated for her and her family.

Our friend Nadine, who is undergoing inpatient chemo treatment is continuing her heartwarming trend of cheerfulness and upbeat energy. She had a brief setback this week but is back to her regular room, and enjoying her new bald look!

My mother's cereberal artery clot has not reabsorbed and she continues to be at risk for another stroke. She can now raise her big toe but none of the other ones, and she has a bit of peripheral vision returning. She is under strict orders not to drive or list anything.

Jude and I had a Very Long (tm) doctor's visit yesterday. He has two warts on different fingers, both impacting his fingernails. They had to be shaved and frozen (freezing and poison at home was not working). He was very cooperative until the freezing part (which he knew would hurt) but we survived. If all goes well, they will disappear and we will not have to see the pediatric dermatolgist in a month to have them surgically removed (one has been there for a year).

I had a long list of things to discuss - it seems that I have developed some sort of quasi-allergy to my own progesterone at peak times of the month and it's not going to go away until menopause. No help there! I have been having some strange heart palpitations and I'm to let her know if I develop chest pain or lightheadedness or shortness of breath. If I do, I have to have one of those monitor thingies. Woohoo. I also have a ganglion cyst on my hand, and go for a surgical consult on Monday. I cannot wait to have this thing gone. I have arthritis in both wrists and my fingers and it's aggravating my hand to have the cyst there. I also have an ear infection (I think I've had it for about 3 months now), and am supposed to start taking my allergy medicine daily (but I can't find it). I hate my allergy pills because they are big and stick in my throat. I am not a very graceful patient (but better than Jude. Eric didn't have to hold me down while Dr. J. looked in my ears, thank goodness!)

Soren has to go see a pediatric GI, since her tummy meds are aren't working, and Lucy has to go to a ped dentist for a suspected cavity (see below list of crap to see why this may be the case). I mostly blame my husband and his mother who can't tell this kid no, and let her eat ridiculous amounts of stuff that Is Not Food. Ugh.

In non-health related news, we had a lovely two day impromptu vacation at Keuka Lake, during which I forgot daughter 2's dental appointment to repair a filling, and husband forgot his Soul Matters group. Oops. Oh well, it was worth having a couple of days by the lake. Emma's friend J. went along and they and daughter 2 tent camped in the yard of the cottage. Our golden retriever escaped once and was returned by a nice, friendly, laughing neighbor, thank goodness. Our beagle brat ate the pizza leftovers when Jude forgot to shut the porch door. I read 2.5 murder mysteries while we were there, taught daughter 2 to play War and Blackjack and 2 new types of solitaire, and she taught me to play Spit. We also played frisbee and wiffle ball and catch and she built a fairy house. Jude and Lucy got very dirt and ran around like lunatics, eating everything in sight. We all polished off a case of Pepsi and a huge pack of Gatorade, a box of oreos, 2 loaves of breakfast bread, 3 packages of maple candy, lots of peanut butter and nutella, 2 packages of chicken, a huge container of mashed potatoes...the list goes on.

It rained for half the time but we had fun anyway :). It's good to be home again too. Thanks to Book for letting us borrow his cottage! It was awesome.

One day at a time

Thank you for all the kind thoughts.

Update on my mother: She has some minor issues from the stroke; she can't lift her toes, has limited vision in both eyes, and some difficulty with remembering words and short term memory overall. Also, her balance isn't great. She is hoping to go home on heparin and with therapy set up for home visits in the next couple of days.

I really wish that she would consider assisted living, or senior apartments; each issue that arises makes it more difficult for her to stay in her own home.

Our friend with leukemia is upbeat and starts chemo today. She is taking votes on what color wig to get if her hair falls out ;). We helped make a poster for her room yesterday, which was nice for the kids. I'm keeping up with her updates on Facebook and sending encouraging words. Having little kids makes me limited in visiting, as they are little germ factories, but maybe I can drop the oldest off for a visit for an hour one day.

Things for school prep are starting to roll in. It's about time to make my plane reservations and schedule my career assessment. That will be a whole lot more paperwork and deep thought.

Yesterday I saw black and white warblers all over the place, and a sharp shinned hawk hunting a field near our house. Chipmunks are everywhere, as are bunnies, deer and fox. Our chickens are growing apace and will be ready to come to our house soon I think!

I have my mentor training for Empowered Girls Alliance this weekend; that will be great.

Today I plan to rest and let the antibiotics do their work; maybe organize Lucy's room a bit; one of her dresser drawers is broken and needs to be repaired. Just a nice day at home with the littles!

A predictable MD post

I have dreaded Mother's Day for years. All of those Hallmark cards? They don't make one for my mother. It took me some deep breaths and my finger on the "Talk" button for some minutes, before I could call her today. There was the annual guilt trip about me not being there, but there was also sadness for her lost eyebrows; the chemo is starting to cause side effects besides nausea and diabetes flare ups.

Our friend Anne died yesterday afternoon. I'm sure her daughter's Mother's Days will be bittersweet from here on out. I think it's true though, what we say. To live in hearts that love is not to die.

My children made Mother's Day hectic and wonderful. I'm so grateful for them. Emma (13) saw me ogling a pair of earrings at the Lilac Festival yesterday and presented them in an adorable box. Soren (10) made a really cool box and made matching earrings and a bracelet for me from silver and beads. Jude and Lucy were just themselves and wonderful. My husband sent Emma and I shopping for several hours; Emma needed summer clothes and he insisted I buy myself something.

We went to Plato's closet and found fun stuff and had a wonderfully mother/daughter afternoon. It was fabulous and Emma had a blast. Sadly, her day ended badly when she found a worm in her steamed artichoke at dinner. Thankfully she didn't eat it, but ... ewwww. She must have been saved by the karma of saving an inchworm that blew onto my windshield yesterday while I was driving; Soren hopped out at a stop sign and rescued him so he didn't get squished by my wipers.

My friend Karen is on her way here and I have a box of chocolates for her; she's lucky I haven't raided it yet ;).

P.S. Hubby and I both got a chance to see Emma's performance in Ulysses: A Unitarian Odyssey. It was funny and sweet and fabulous! I hope they video taped it. It was great fun! I was so grateful we each got to a performance of it. Things will start to wind down in the next couple of weeks and I can't wait!

At sea

I am having yet another shift in perception, approach, intention. The way my minister put it in a phone conversation this week as experiencing parallel processes. Man, this is one of those weeks where I want to go back to life before feeling called to the ministry; where I want to put my fingers in my ears and say, "lalalala, I can't hear you!"

And yet, as LE puts it so eloquently today:

I am overwhelmed with gratitude. And that is a cross I'm willing to bear. Total strangers, demonstrating love. I am surrounded by teachers. And so I may not have answers to all the rest of my questions, and my feelings of guilt, and my guilt at feeling guilt, because it's not about me, and all the swirling inside as my brain tries to process too much information. But I can commit myself to learning. I can commit myself to learning how to love with big open arms. Limitless undying love. And I can commit myself to being the one to give the love, when it's my turn.

I am feeling part of, yet separate from things; a participant, yet an observer of life, and it's disconcerting and exhausting and I feel like crying today (well, impending PMS probably doesn't help, but still).

At church, I sit through the sermons and experience them and learn from them; yet I also am taking mental note of things that work well, that I enjoy, that people mention moved them.

I sit in small group, and am grateful for the skillful facilitation and expansion of my soul; yet I am observing, learning how to be a better listener, to be a better facilitator; I take mental notes for future reference.

I am having serious angst over a close relationship right now; as I follow my path, becoming more aware of my inability to know intention other than my own, becoming a more intentional listener, growing in my ability to open my arms and love; I find myself torn between screaming frustration and judgment at my friend's interruptions, attempts to pick apart the intention of everyone in every interaction, ego, and hurtful things they say AND my higher self's observation of the love they have within them, the respect for their own journey and where they've been and what experiences have formed who they are, and overwhelming love and gratitude for the closeness we've had but that seems to be slipping away as I walk a different line in my spirituality, my parenting, my intention toward the greater world.

I am humbled and pained by my struggle to avoid judgment and by how being transformed makes everything both clearer and murkier.

I am filled with joy and gratitude; and loss and sorrow of my more (innocent?) ignorant and egotistical self!

I am filled with anger and forgiveness; I am filled with humility and ego; I am in the moment and observing it at the same time; I am filled with judgement and love; I am struggling with boundaries and inclusion; all of this taking up the same head and heart space.

Yeah, some days I just want to pull the blankets back over my head. It's hard work.

Just like Jo March

...my mind is rumpled today. I had an argument (a Real Live (tm) Argument) with one of my best friends today, and walked away feeling like I am a Rotten Parent (tm) for daring to make choices that don't put my teenager's social needs first on my list of priorities. And not to mention that I'm blaming everyone else for my daughter's feelings and I should take full responsibility for them and go even further beyond the call of duty to make her social life perfect.

That's probably not exactly what she said, but mind, that's how I said I felt at the end of the conversation. Looking back on it honestly, she had some good feedback mixed in there, but (Karen, are you listening?), about 30 minutes into the conversation, in which I kept getting more and more frustrated because she wasn't getting what I was saying at all, for a variety of reason, I yelled, "I don't want to hear your solutions! I don't want to hear your scenarios! What I need from you as a friend is for you listen to my pain and to the fact that my kid is hurting and to just validate that!"

And then she didn't. She said some other things that really hurt my feelings even more and were totally off target IMO, and I hugged her and said I loved her, and we moved on. Man, I'm sorry for ever doing that to my own friends. It sucks. As I get better at really listening, it is really hard when I'm not listened to. Understandable, but harder.

This all has to do with inclusion, this argument. We move in a small homeschooling community, with small circles that often intersect and shift and move, and my daughter is in between circles right now, because there has been a shift from all-age activities that are family-inclusive, to "teen" activities with age cut-offs (that are a year older than she is) and she feeling intentionally excluded and is hurt. There are a bunch of reasons I can think of (that are all UNintentional) why this is happening, but it doesn't matter. It hurts.

And I'm in a place with big kids and little kids, where I stretch myself and my littles very thin at times in order to make sure my olders get to have fun and participate in enriching activities. I feel like my friend told me that I wasn't stretching enough and it hit every button for me in terms of how mothers of young children are not well supported. It also felt like she felt like we were being excluded because we choose to live 45 minutes away in order to be away from the city and work toward more sustainable living (the only other place we could afford to buy a house is IN the city, an environment that sucked the soul out of me).

It's like she was holding on to resentments about some of my choices about parenting, homeschooling, inclusion and lifestyle, and dumped them all on me in one fell swoop.

So my mind is rumpled. And my daughter is still hurting. I'm sad and don't understand why this shift has happened in the kids' friendships. What I really don't understand is that it seems to be spearheaded by the parents, not by the kids, who seem to be just fine with including everyone for most things. Everyone always raves about how likable, fun, sweet and polite my daughter is - so why can't the adults involved see how their hangups about ageism are hurting her (and others)?

At least E doesn't seem to think I'm the culprit ;). She loves where we live - and she loves her friends. She loves visiting - and she would love to have more visitors. She loves her siblings - and she loves some big kid time. She loves kids of all ages - and she loves adults of all ages. She is as stymied as I am.

Anyway, enough. I'm just trying to find some order in all these questions, but I think I'll just have to wait and think, and plan more one one one get togethers rather than the group events we usually attend (for family unity and sanity sake). I can't wait till summer. We're going to hunker down and garden and swim and read and be together. So there.

And I'm going to work really hard at being a better listener, and to forgive my friend for not getting me, and to try to understand her intentions, and to just try to be more inclusive myself and maybe it will be a fad that will catch on!

Recharging

I was just getting to a place where I had a good routine, had embraced being present in day to day parenting and home care...and just like a baby's naptime, everything changed.

Now I am trying to adjust to working again, preparing for outdoor activities as the weather warms up, and scaling back our day to day activities to make life more manageable (much to the detriment of my daughters' social life, apparently).

Even without enough work to sustain us, Tom has been out looking at possible projects, networking, talking to people, etc., so I haven't had much of a break from the day to day childrearing stuff, even since starting work. After the first two weeks, I really needed to get energized.

It just so happens that the 4th week of each month has two mom-recharging activities that I never make it to, but this month, I got to go to both. Thursday night was a homeschool mom meeting and last night was UU Mom's night out. Both were wonderful times of community, shared resources and struggles, and energizing.

Well, and dinner out included marguaritas. You can't beat that!

Humility

I have been told, and also self-identified, that one of my growing edges is humility.

I'm having a good dose of it this week, and it's very uncomfortable. I've had to accept some help and even knowing that it comes from a place of love, and with wonderful intentions, it hurts. A lot.

I would never survive as a beggar. Next week I have to go ask for more help. There is a lesson being hammered into my head methinks.

I am so incredibly grateful to those who have stepped forward; I never thought that I would have friends like that, given the family I grew up with. All I can say is that I will continue to try to pay it forward in some fashion every single day; at home, in my community, in my church. Every day. Until I can pay it back to those who helped.

Empty nesting

My husband and I are coming to grips with not having more kids. So instead we have in the last year added a dog, 2 cats, a bunny, a cockatiel, and are considering another dog. My friend just offered me chickens!! I'm so excited. I have been wanting them and my husband has been resistant, but he must see that we can't afford vacation this year so we don't need to worry about anyone housesitting, and is giving into my desire for chickens and is going to build a chicken tractor!

I'm so excited. Did I mention that? Um, does anyone know anything about chickens? We have a choice of up to 12 (I'm mostly hoping for females and one male). White leghorn and nature's berry brown layers. My husband wants Rhode Island Reds. I am thinking I should start with 6 and then maybe hatch more at some point. I don't even know how long chickens live, or how often they lay. Off to research!

Oh, and I got another scholarship application done today, and put out a plea to my "created family" to donate to my school fund at CRCDS so I can take at least one class there this fall.

And my ex-husband was a saint today. A true saint. I am so grateful for our friendship.

Intentional Action and Ministerial Authority (oh, and a baby!)i

I had the amazing privilege to be at the homebirth of a friend of mine today. I got to rub her back, and clean her bathroom, and watch her baby be born with two of my children by my side. I got to see the father's eyes light up and his gentle love when he held his son for the first time. I got to cry with my daughter and the mama's mama and father when the baby was born. I got an impetuous gift of a drawing from her formerly youngest child. I got to hold a brand new, wet, gorgeous baby who rooted at my chest, as he is supposed to do. I got to hold him close and see his skin pink up, and fall absolutely in love with him. I got to compliment his mama on how stunningly, glowingly gorgeous she was as she calmly and peacefully labored and breathed and welcomed into the world with her own two hands.

I have been to several births, besides my own, but never a homebirth (other than my own). It was perfect and a gift and a blessing and as close to God as you can possibly get to see a new life breathe in and become one of us.

The reason for the title of this post is that iMinister posted today about Ministerial Authority, and it rung true for me given my experience today with birth, although I haven't dealt much with death yet. She says:

"It is related to feeling secure in the knowledge that you, in your ministerial role, have something of value to deliver and you know the conditions of delivering it. So you march right up to the boss nurse in the ICU and request the room number for the patient who, she says, won't even know you are there. You know that you and the patient and the patient's family need you to be there and you stand in front of her until she lets you be there."

I think that authority to be intentional and loving in a given situation can occur whether you're a minister or not - it comes with experience in situations where you need to be intentional - where you have to be outside of yourself and experience true compassion and love for those you are with. I am bone tired tonight. I cannot remember the last time I was this tired and I can't imagine how midwives do what they do.

Ten years ago, I would have been in the way. I would have had my own agenda. Today, I could sit back, be encouraging and compassionate, look at what needed to be done and do it. I could be sensitive to the idea that family needed time to bond and have privacy and give them space to do that - it was not all about me, even though I was invited to be there. My presence was a gift given to me - a privilege, not a right. I believe that minstering is like that - it is a privilege, and you have to look around you, see what needs to be done, do it, and be aware of where space is needed, and where you are needed.

I am happy and tired and blessed. Thank you, dear friend, for allowing me to be present as your beautiful son entered this world and took his first breath.

Not News

Things have been going along and going along. We're getting back in the groove after the holiday break and it's been difficult. Next week is worse.

Took the cat to the vet today and he thankfully tested negative for feline leukemia. I got him up to date on his shots. He was hellish to drive to the vet - the roads were drifted with snow, the baby was screaming and I missed a turn and went 10 miles out of my way, and the cat peed and pooped in the crate (nothing like being trapped in a car with cat poop!). I thought Jude would throw up! We survived that experience and drove to a new goat milk farm that is near our house. The farmer homeschools 6 kids and is very sweet! She is very proud of their barn and milking equipment - they were just certified by the state and she and her husband built the barn themselves from the ground up. I am anxious to get to know her better.

A friend of mine is a DRE at a nearby church and just found out that I was going to ML in the fall. She pounced immediately, asking me to speak at her church this spring, as their minister is preparing to retire this summer and has cut back her hours to part time. I'm very nervous/excited. I'm to speak on local community building and need to prepare a reading as well.

Tom has found a bit of work - it's amazing how it keeps appearing as if by magic but it's not been very steady since before Christmas. I managed to pay most of our bills so far, but have had to resort to my credit card for essentials, like gas, a couple of times :-/. I also was gifted with some part time work by a friend, which is wonderful; and was called for an interview at a local mental health agency to do case management. The money is...well, I can't think of a word for it, but not enough. But it is better than nothing! We shall see. I think I will at least interview, just for the continuing experience of presentation. It is full time with benefits, which would be nice, if it were about $10/hour more.

Walking meditation has been challenging in this bitter weather. I gave in this morning and let Tom take Jakob out, and I will meditate tonight before bed. If I don't collapse from exhaustion first. I am so tired today.

Anyway, normal life with some very nice things. Soren has a gymnastics meet on Sunday, and it will just be her and I. It should be fun! Reminds me - her best friend has a nasty fall at ice skating yesterday and needed stitches. Good thoughts are appreciated, as it was pretty scary for her!

Prima Donna

I had a serious melt-down today. I have no idea why; maybe PMS? But boy, was I cranky and I warned everyone away because I was not fit to be around. After I had my fit, I came in and worked on my video project, which was healing.

I was really angry at a friend who did what he thought was a favor, but just created a bunch of difficult work for me, and wasn't what I wanted anyone to do, and he didn't ask first. I yelled at Tom about it, who called our friend, who called me, and I wouldn't answer his call, so he drove all the way out to my house to apologize.

Can you believe that? I am so blessed with friends who love me and put up with my very occasional fits of insanity.

I wasn't even angry anymore when he got here; just embarrassed at my own fit of pique.