The Timeline of Grief

I'm feeling particularly raw lately. That "bubble" I developed during chaplaincy seems to be intact during minstry work itself, but in my personal life, it seems to have popped like so much warm air.

A friend was discussing the first spring of being without her father, and that made me cry. Earlier, I was with a dear friend/teacher, who lost her her mother last week and she told me of the large hole it has created in her life, and I found myself a few moments later, fled to the ladies' room, to dab my streaming eyes, and put myself back together.

My son is ill with strep throat. It's his first experience with needing antibiotics and somehow more difficult than the flu we all just went through. But today, at the doctor's, he was "a poor source of information" as was my own father. His spirit is close and present in these transitional days of sun and snow, before real spring comes to upstate New York.

I am bone tired, so maybe my defenses are truly down, which isn't a bad thing. I'm having a bit of trouble keeping up with everything as the semester churns into its final six weeks. I haven't been home since Christmas and am missing my old stomping grounds. I am feeling the stresses and joys of mothering teens and tweens, preschoolers and school-agers.

I am deeply saddened and struggling with how to understand and cope with world events in the Middle East and Japan, as well as the role of the United States and the choices we are making. The whole front page of the New York times made me want to weep today.

However, my daughter just came in and told me she is being pursued by the University of Pennsylvania as a potential transfer student, which brightened me up again. It's such a statement on our humanity that our personal experiences are a profoundly important way in which we interpret global events. Little successes are vital, both on a personal  and on a global scale. Thank you, Sharon Welch!

So I grieve. And study, and pastor, and grieve some more. I look forward to days of reading and sun; of recuperation and freedom from ill children and outside influences that threaten any sense of wellbeing - bacteria or other.

And I sleep. Sleep is healing, as apparently is apple juice.

Connect & Breathe in UU World

I received my issue of UU World yesterday, and sat down this morning with it, and my cup of coffee. I found myself thrilled and inspired by what I read within this month. First of all, as a person with a degree in communications, I enjoyed Peter Morales' editorial on communication and learning how to do it better in the 21st century. Having accessible web presence and communications that reach people where they are - through Facebook updates sent by text, tweets, and email, are vital additions to traditional print communications.

I also really enjoyed Donald Skinner's article about A Third Place and missional work. This speaks directly to the creative ministries we were encouraged to think about in Rev. Lee Barker's class on post-denominational ministry last January at Meadville Lombard.

And of course, I totally loved the article To Listen without Judging by Kimberly French. Connect & Breathe is a reproductive justice initiative I probably wouldn't have gotten involved in had I not been at church the day Rev. Kaaren Anderson gave her sermon on abortion and sexual justice. However, I was there, and was one of the multitudes that signed up to help. Last night, I sat for my second time on the hotline with another volunteer and had such a wonderful evening chatting with my co-volunteer about feminism, sexuality, and abortion. These are topics that don't often come up in my day-to-day life outside of church. But they are key to my understanding of class, gender and justice. I definitely have more to say about these topics!

The training that C&B has put together, as well as the thoughtfulness to language and public perception of the talkline are highly impressive. I am thrilled to be a part of this work as part of my commitment to my home congregation, and as part of my internship work that I'm doing as part of seminary and ministerial formation.

And finally, it was lovely to read Myriam Renaud's article, Got God? Myriam co-taught the Liberal Theology class I took at Meadville Lombard in January, and is delightful. I was very inspired by her theology studies and approach to Unitarian Universalism through her understanding of God.

I haven't been blogging much. Family, school, illness, and internship have sucked all the hours from my days. I have homeschooling reports to write, and a paper on Pietism due today. Despite the busy-ness and other stresses, (like the foot of snow we're getting, again), I am happy. Life is full of meaning and love and gratitude.

About 25%

I am coming up on being about 1/4 of the way into my congregational internship. I did my mid-term evaluation with my teaching minister today, and have my second meeting with my lay committee on Monday. I'm feeling more serious about formation, as the real work of taking criticism and working through it begins. I'm also about 1/2 way through the whole seminary experience - more than 1/2 in terms of credits, or at least I will be, at the end of January.

I had a lengthy meeting with my minister today, which was a great conversation about theology and beliefs, which believe it or not, can be difficult to have with one's congregation. The faculty at Meadville Lombard asked us, at this point, to reflect on what we have learned about congregational life, and about ourselves as ministers, as well as what we use as theological resources.

I am still waffling back and forth about how much I loved chaplaincy, and what I should do with that desire. Should I go and do a one year residency after I graduate, and take that time to meet with the Ministerial Fellowship Committee? The difference between chaplaincy and congregational ministry for me is that I love the intensity of chaplaincy. I love what it is, I love being there, I love the intentionality of it. I love the diversity of congregational life, I love the long-term knowledge of people's lives and stories, I love preaching, I love small group ministry. If I could find a way to do both, I would. And maybe there is a way to do that, but I just don't know yet. And so...do I jump right into more training (though paid) as a resident chaplain in another 18 months? God, I'm waiting for a sign ;).

I'm also feeling just about 25% right now. I am so unmotivated to finish the three assignments I have left for my church history class that I can barely stand it. I have SO much prep to do for January and have not been able to do almost any of it. I have a lot going on in my personal life that is taking a lot of energy, yet I have been spending more time with the kids than ever, doing homeschooling, and fun stuff, and it is SO great! It is the one thing that is truly energizing right now.

Maybe if I can convince the girls to decorate for Christmas, it will cheer up the house and have a positive effect on me!

The new year

I don't know why a new year starts in January. Everyone knows it starts in September!

Whilst my family one by one falls to the flu that I started out with two weeks ago, life continues apace. My oldest started "school" for the first time since 2nd grade, with 3 classes at the community college. She seems to be enjoying the reading; we'll see what happens when the writing starts.

My son is ready to delve into the world of sports a bit more this year it seems. We are also planning weekly library days, which I am excited about. Free wifi! Near Starbucks!

I participated in my Wellspring retreat today and am very excited about the opportunity to co-facilitate this group. We had a wonderful kick-off, and there are just so many joys to small group ministry. This is a special group as well because it is made up of congregants from two different congregations, so there is a great border-crossing (in Meadville language) opportunity afoot!

It was also my first full day in my internship site, and it was really wonderful to meet with my supervising minister and talk about the topic of the week at seminary - multiculturalism and institutional change. I left with two more books to add to my reading list, one a history of my internship site, which will be very helpful in contextualizing the systems at work there. We talked more about the social location of congregations and how balancing growth, multiculturalism, systems, etc. is a ministerial balancing act. It's so much to think about, and I keep mentally stepping back more and more to try to encompass the whole picture; it becomes a bit overwhelming and underscores the need for good futures planning!

I am starting to get the lay of land for the different committees at the church and when they meet so I can start to float through and shadow them. Now, off to finish work and the several hundred pages of reading to do, plus that 3 page essay on church history.

and so it begins...

I am sitting in the airport in Detroit, waiting for my flight to Buffalo to board. I wish I was home already, but I am actually enjoying my last hours of silence and intentionality before re-entry into the chaos of my household. My family is Noisy, as I discover when I take my rare trips away and come back. And ministry is often not. It is filled with lots of silence, and listening, and creation of sacred space, and the loudness of joyous song and celebration. It's a different kind of noise, and I always need a little time to adjust.

I am returning from the start of my second year at Meadville, and the beginning Convocation for congregational studies. I am returning home tired from too little sleep, but absolutely invigorated with the joy of spending time with my colleagues, friends and the ML faculty. I am rejuvenated by vision, passion, and excitement for the upcoming year of congregational internship. I'm thrilled about the things we will be studying, a little apprehensive about the amount of reading I need to complete for my church history course and my three intensives in January, and absolutely filled with love for my fellow seminarians.

It was so great to spend time with some new-to-me faculty, and to spend hours talking about clinical pastoral education, different kinds of ministry and the intersection of life and ministry. I feel so incredibly blessed by my family, who supports me in the insane demands of seminary. I have endless gratitude for the sacrifices they have all made in the last year, and I hope this year will be a little easier.

I woke up this morning with "We Go Marching in the Light of God" ringing in my ears. It ended my CPE, and it starts the beginning of this new journey.

Blessings on my friend Karen, who hosted me at her home, to Tina Porter and the entire Student Services staff, who make things easy for me, and the God of on-time air travel, who so far, has made travel seamless and pleasant, which is rare for me.

I am ready to start. Ready to step out into the next piece of this journey. And I'm preaching tomorrow morning at May Memorial UU Society, if you want to feel the love!

Odds and Ends

I seldom comment on political topics, because others are so much more eloquent than I, but I am increasingly frustrated with the political furor over the Mosque "on" Ground Zero, and even on Obama's comments. I am constantly amazed at disinformation and how easily "herd" mentality takes over, as Dowd says. When are Americans going to stop being so narrow-minded and gullible? When are they going to act like educated adults instead of the boys in Lord of the Flies?

I am also really enjoying the 12 part (so far) conversation over at East of Midnight on RE for kids and adults. I added a few comments, fwiw.

I am struggling to finish some reading and writing for the start of school's convocation. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to give summer homework while were all in CPE?

Our last week of vacation is starting with rain, which is putting a crimp in my plans to go to the Finger Lakes, as is the falling through of a house sitter, which I had hoped would buy us a few days at Lake George, or even the Eastern Shore. :::sigh::: I guess that buys me extra time to do the aforementioned homework.

I have been slowly getting the house uncluttered from the summer, and trying to figure out how to manage 6 people's schedules in the measly amount of hours allotted to a day. Seminary + work + community college for the teen + homeschooling programs and academia for the other 2 + plus keeping the preschooler alive seems like a gargantuan task. Thank the heavens for Google Calendar!

I also need to plan the Boy's birthday party. How did that happen so fast? Ideas for cheap and fun presents for a six year old would be appreciated. So far he's getting a plasma car, which he's super excited about.

Ebb and Flow

Yesterday, I got a migraine. I have been having a really hard time managing them; the last few months, they have lasted for several days at least once a month, and the medication has had some really unpleasant side effects, aside from not working really well.

For the first time, I got a combination of meds to work, with the only side effect being that I needed to sleep them off. Today, I am feeling hopeful that I broke it, and it won't come back this month! So I woke up happy to shower with the light on (no aura!), and took the kids to a play, which was really cute and they all behaved themselves.

I came home to find out that one of my FA forms went missing and I didn't get FA - I have a call in to find out wth happened. Then I found out that I had two unauthorized charges on my checking account for iTunes - for which I don't even have an account. Had to go to the bank, fill out forms to maybe get my money back, cancel my debit card...UGH. I am so used to the ease of having a bank card and not dealing with cash or checks. This sucks.

I came home from the bank and cried. So frustrated!

I am hopeful that the rest of the day will improve. Tomorrow's supposed to be awesome weather and I plan on spending it at the park or something nice with the littles.

Now work, then more chauffering. Hoping the sunshine cheers me up.

Hallelujah!

Last paper turned in. Last assignment turned in. I am waiting for one final evaluation to be turned in and one final class phone call (tomorrow) and I am FREE for 3 weeks! Three weeks! I am going to read and clean and read and watch back episodes of Bones and 24, and read, and sort clothes and garden...

I have 3 weeks left at my job as RE assistant and then I intend to spend the summer attending services and preparing my first sermon at MMUUS while I do CPE.

Celebrate!

The faces of ministry

Ministry takes many forms. Yesterday, I got to experience some of them all wrapped into one day.

In the morning, I filled in for our DRE and ran children's worship at both services. It was SO much fun. We read Henry Builds a Cabin and I had the kids play the roles. We built a wonderful cabin, and meditated on the simplicity of spring flowers and their needs, and what we would have to give up to live in a simple and small cabin like Henry built.

I ran up and down the stairs and elevator with all the RE stuff so that our RAIHN guests could use our regular space, and it felt good to do that extra step - to be part of the behind-the-scenes work that helps that ministry run smoothly and create safe space for families. I got to check in on all the classes and see what the elementary teachers were doing and it looked like so much fun! My two oldest daughters volunteered their time and energy. Emma has been teaching the 3 year olds every week for about a month now and loves it! Soren helped me run the first children's worship, and my friend's daughter helped for the 2nd service. To see their enjoyment in helping was a wonderful feeling.

After cleanup and tallying attendance for the office, I rushed off to the teen shelter. I spent some time watching a movie with about half the kids. They all identified with it in some ways and it opened up conversation with kids and staff about gang activity and bad neighborhoods in our own city. I did some behavior management with some kids who have not been taught boundaries - challenging, but it offered some opportunities for peer leadership. I spent some time processing the year with my supervisor, and processing another client's issues with staff. A client came in after dealing with extreme violence, and it was striking to me to compare my work of the morning and the cheerful faces of my church kids (not that there aren't issues at work there too), with this kid who is facing more medical care and a lifetime of recovery from the emotional trauma of her experience.

Home again to the bosom of my family - popcorn and snuggles and bedtime and time with my husband. It was a nice end to the day. I feel so blessed to have my supportive family to come back to.

SLD Assembly

So I'm home now and winding down from the St. Lawrence District Assembly. Last night, I drove into Syracuse and attended the Josephine Gould Discourse: “Twittered, Tweeted and Still Lonely — Choosing the On-Line Church” by Rev. Linda Hoddy of the UU Congregation of Saratoga Springs. I really enjoyed the thoughtful discourse on technology and ministry. There were three responses - one from my friend, Rev. Kelly Weisman Asprooth-Jackson, one from Rev. Richard Gilbert (who as minister at my congregation forever, but I started attending right after he retired, so I have never actually met him, though I aspire to take his UU Polity course at CRCDS one of these days) and one from the DRE from the Albany UU, Leah Purcell, who I had a lovely talk with today.

This morning's keynote speaker was Rev. Robert Latham, and that was the highlight. He spoke convincingly and passionately about the importance of mission and the need to prioritize it over things that act on our mission. He made me want to become that evangelistic UU minister that I am probably too nervous to become ;). His intro by Rev. Tom Chulak was absolutely hilarious, and was a spoof on the song Davey Crockett.

I didn't get either of my first choices for the two workshops, but I enjoyed the second one, which was by a fellow Meadville student, Andrew Mertz. I hadn't met him in January but made sure to introduce myself after the workshop. He was an engaging speaker and the topic was pertinent to my interest in youth, and looking ahead to starting some campus ministry at Syracuse University (anyone who as resources for this should feel freely invited to send them to me!). The first workshop was a watered down repeat of a class I took in January, but with a focus on RE. I have no idea why I signed up for it as a choice at all, but I should have snuck into my first choice. Only because I had already been over the material, so it wasn't a good use of my time. Certainly was a good topic for others though!

Our District Executive, Rev. Chulak, is retiring, and his closing words were quite moving. He seems to have done a great job during a difficult transitional time nine years ago, and the District board is obviously vibrant. My former boss/current friend Jan Gartner is newly elected, and I know she'll be a fabulous addition. She's got great energy and I heard firsthand how happy some of the members at First Universalist are to have her as their DRE this year!

Tomorrow, I"m leading Children's Worship since my boss is on the Coming of Age trip to Boston (lucky!). I'm reading a story called Henry Builds a Cabin (Thoreau, ya know). It should be fun. I have to think of a fun thing to do for the greeting! Unfortunately, Jude won't be there again :(. Tom's work van broke down totally yesterday (losing a day of work too), and it looks like we will be van shopping on Monday (with what money, I have no idea - perhaps the tax return will magically appear? Or my long overdue paycheck from corporate America?)

This coming week I am very focused on my two final papers. I need to write a sermon based on Mark 1:9-13 - the baptism and appearance of the Holy Spirit. Inspiration/ ideas for a UU spin are more than welcome.

Cute note of the day. Jude said, "Tell me something funny. I appreciate a good joke!"

Soulful Saturday

I went for my morning walk this morning, and even though it looked like spring, sounded like spring, and pretended to be spring, it was cold. But the robins are singing, as are the cardinals, geese are starting to migrate overhead (I'm watching for my annual snow geese sighting!), and on the way back, the sun was warmer on my face.

It's a lovely afternoon and I'm working on a short reflection on the Gospel of Matthew at Panera's. The little people won't leave me alone this week to focus on school and work, and I totally forgot about this assignment and pushed right on through to Luke. It's reading week, after all. I also didn't get time to study for my quiz coming up next week, but I'll get there.

It's been a whirlwind of tax preparation, getting financial aid info ready (still have to write some essays!) and final papers. I just turned in my last paper, a sermon, from my January classes. I'm so glad I didn't try to take anything at March intensives. Goodness.

In any event, I'm feeling the energy for spring, I got wonderful feedback on my sermon, and I'm enjoying the sunshine outside the window. Emma's at home wearing the little ones out in the snow, and Soren's at the gym. I'm inspired by this New Testament class, and especially like the text we're using, Global Bible Commentary. I just read Sugirtharajah's reflection on Matthew which talks about Gandhi's reaction to the NT, and it is fascinating, and really parallel to my own experience of the NT. Good stuff!

Wondering what a UU Sermon on the Mount would look like!

I've been using my UU "rosary" aka prayer beads every morning for a week now, with a very personal meditation, and am loving it. It is really tying together my morning meditation and gives me something to hook into later in the day when I need to get into a more connected space. I highly recommend the resources in the UUA's Tapestry of Faith adult curriculum.

I have my RSCC interview on the 22nd in Boston, am meeting with our Associate minister at my church next Saturday, and have to put together materials for our Board to ask them to sponsor me. What a whirlwind of writing and preparation, but it is all feeling really integraged and meaningful. Now if someone just add a few hours to each day!

Transitions

Coming home from a meeting with my teaching pastor to loud, fighting children is...challenging. The mood is so different and the energy so different, that it's like being in a different universe sometimes.

However, the meeting was fab. We talked about my theology, New Testament, canon, some of my questions and things I need to work on, and brainstormed about internship. Does anyone know if the UUA offers money to congregations for funding interns? She really wants me to get a stipend but that could be a sticking point due to budgetary constraints.

I'm in scholarship app mode, so if anyone has resources, I'd love to hear them!

Lacking profundity

You know, when I was away from home, and in class and able to focus away from my ADD life, I had all sorts of profound insights, and my IQ went up about 50 points. Now, I feel like I can barely keep up with my class reading, let alone say anything profound, or even think it. My blog feels like a black hole of meh.

I read some of the things the people in my NT class are posting, and I think, "Wow, I'm way out of my league here. I can't even THINK of such questions, let alone begin to answer them." I have no idea how I'll write an exegetical paper later this year.

I did write an assigned sermon that I'm quite pleased with, but I have another one to write, and am waiting for inspiration.

Gah. I don't know why my brain chose now to go on vacation but it can come home any time now.

Shout out to First U and fellow ML students

I have been having a bit of a rough stretch - part re-entry from January intensives at Meadville Lombard, part early-mid-life crisis, part parenting struggles. I have been feeling a bit down-hearted. A bit out of sorts - well, more than a bit - there have been days that I don't even want to hang out with me lately.

But you know what, even as I was feeling a loss of faith in this call of mine to ministry, even as I was feeling like a big, fat failure in every area of my life, my church was standing next to me, without even knowing it.

None but a select few of my colleagues, co-facilitators, or friends knew that I was having inner struggles. Nobody knew that I was wrestling with family illness, self-flagellation, and changing life dynamics. But they loved me anyway - just because.

I cannot tell you how many people came up to me last Sunday, or have asked in phone calls, how my schooling is going. I am managing. They told me how much they enjoy my writing, or my speaking, or how excited they are for me. How proud they are to have one of their own pursuing the ministry. People I didn't even know knew that I was out of town for classes and stopped by my table in the lobby to check in with me. I am so humbled by their love and support.

I am awed by the emails going around our small group facilitator's group in support of those of us who are struggling with personal illness, death, and family issues. I am held up by my student colleagues who checked in with me over the last 10 days to see how I was holding up with getting back to real life after the dream-world of J-Term.

I guess this is just a humble post of sheer gratitude. I'm feeling more like myself today, and really credit the love that just lifts me up from all sides. Thank you.

Long day

We spent this morning getting the house the rest of the way under control, which was not too bad. We planned on doing schoolwork, but ended up packing it up for the girls to take to their dad's. I had my first meeting with my teaching pastor, and found out that what I thought was a done deal for my two year part-time internship was not, in fact, a done deal at all. I am not sure how that miscommunication occurred, but now we begin the process of the committee on ministry and board approving it. I am depressed about it, but hopeful that it will work out. It really has to.

It is frustrating that one needs to have an internship (for good reason) to become a minister, and yet, it is so difficult to find a congregation that is able (per MFC standards) and yet, also willing, to put the considerable effort into a seminarian's formation. I am sure this will be a good fit for me - I found the minister to be lovely and we had a really good talk, that was juuuust getting going 1.5 hours in when it was time to go! I am thrilled to have a real, live minister to work with, talk to, explore, dig into my growing edges, and who gets to know me from scratch as a seminarian, not as a congregant, or from a non-church area of my life.

So after all that, through which I maintained non-anxiety on the outside , I had to drive an hour home, shove the kids in the car, then drive 1.5 hours in a white-out snowstorm to get them to the gym. Then the same trip home, in reverse. I was so exhausted when I got home,and so grateful that I had put a roast chicken with stuffing in the oven (or had my daughter do it, rather) right before we all left the house together.

Yesterday, I had my CPE interview, which seemed to go quite well. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, though I am sure that 11 weeks of full-time plus hours will seem like the depths of hell to my family during our favorite time of year - summer. I'm wondering if I can get away with just one class in the fall with my (hopefully) internship, so that we can at least try to get a little time to breathe.

We just watched Stardust with the littles. I love that movie. For all sorts of reasons.

Good Thoughts

My mother just called to tell me she is headed to the hospital for tests. When I talked to her two Fridays ago and she was having balance issue and some additional difficulty with remembering words. She had a stroke on Memorial Day weekend, so I encouraged her to call the doctor before the weekend. Fast forward to last Friday (3 days ago). She still hadn't called but was still having symptoms. Compliant patient, no. So I made her promise she would call today. Turns out she woke up at 4am with blurry vision and a killer headache. The clot that caused the first stroke is very much still present, so good thoughts would be appreciated.

In other news I have one of my CPE interviews on Wednesday, and just sent off another application in case the first site doesn't work out. I really, really want to do the intensive this summer so I'm crossing fingers and toes. I am meeting with my teaching pastor/future intern site this week for the first time too. I can't wait! I have so many questions to try to come up with some sort of plan for fall since I have to try to work it around family schedules and such. This will be an adventure in ministerial (un)schedules and learning to balance everything.

Re-Entry

Well, I have almost survived intensives! I have 5 more assignments to turn in by mid-Feb., but I think it's doable. Maybe. I also start my 2 classes Feb. 1st. But I'll spare the to-do list.

The classes I took were challenging to my intellect and spirit. The faculty were wonderful, and it was so great to live with 3 of my classmates, talk all night, drink wine, study, brainstorm, and generally live like college students, which I've never really done.

For our learning convocation, we discussed Transforming Knowledge, by Elizabeth Minnich, as well as challenged ourselves to be creative and risky in learning about people. I forced myself into an extemporaneous preaching class, and was glad I did! I went to a CPE workshop and a RSCC prep workshop, two multi-cultural meetings, and goodness knows what else. It was non-stop.

The first full week, I took Religious Humanism with Bill Murry, and was lucky to be in a class filled with dynamic folks. Wonderful, far-ranging conversations on history, contemporary ministry, faith, pastoral care and more. I am excited to write my final paper for the class, which is a whole service. You wouldn't believe how many books I added to my wish list during this class!

The middle weekend, I took Lee Barker's Religion in a Post-Denominational Age. Let me tell you, I learned a lot about modernism, post-modernism, post-etc. while I was there. I had no idea what I didn't know about philosophy, social science, and theology. I was inspired by the class to forge ahead with taking risks, accessing my creative side and getting back in touch with my musical self.

Last week, I took Problems in Public Ethics, where we discussed abortion, military intervention, torture and other such light topics. We got drilled on our moral authority, received important tips on being media-savvy, and more. It was intimidating, interesting, and stretched my brain and courage.

I got home last night after a full day of travel. The first leg I got to fly with a classmate, which was awesome, as we have a lot in common and are going to be in a small group together for spring semester.

Everyone in my house was still alive, including all the animals. It's been wonderful to see my people and my dog again. It's wonderful to sleep in my own bed, and it was great to go to work at my absolutely fabulous congregation today and be reminded of how freaking creative and awesome they are.

This week will be catch up and prep for scholarship apps and taxes, fun with the kids, writing assignments and getting back into the groove.

I miss all of my Meadville folks already. The conversations, the hugs, the coffee, (I mentioned the wine), Jimmy's, borrowing Internet, lunch at the Commons, staying up all night talking (love you roomie!), shopping at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's (Love you Chicago!), visiting my sister and watching The Hangover and buying gorgeous boots at Lori's, Starbuck's on the corner by my apartment, snow, wind, rain, the library, First Church and just everything. Those who I didn't get to spend enough time with - we will meet again!

The oddities of Humanism

I have enjoyed compiling a list of many books during this past week during my intensive class on Religious Humanism. Should you at any time feel overcome by a desire to add to my library (many of the theological books are required reading for my fellowship committee review later on), I am happy to share my wish list with you :-D

We had a wonderful and odd end to our humanism class, by a few of us sharing humanist prayers that we wrote to close our class. Here is mine:

With all our human gifts and flaws
we have joined our hearts
in pursuit of knowledge,
compassion, love, and a
deeper connection to the divine
through our dreams, our lives, and our
deepening relationships with each other.
We leave this sacred time
wiser, more open to possibility,
continuing on our journey of discovery
in good company with each other.
Shoulder your bag, books, and quotes.
Embrace our humanity and our limited
understanding of the sacred,
Sally forth into the vast reaches of the unknown
And mysterious universe, carrying your
Questions and your spirit onward,
May it be so.

We were rewarded for our efforts with a class committee's treat of dark beer samples and dark chocolate. Seminary Rocks!

I started my day out with a wonderful morning devotional led by a classmate who was leaving today. It was on gratitude and ended with We Are by Sweet Honey in the Rock.

I had good intentions of writing a theological statement tonight, but I have to be at another class at 8:30 tomorrow morning, and I am mentally wiped out. But I am grateful for my humanist ministers at my congregation, their clear theological and practical vision, and the joy of being a congregant and a student of a vibrant and thoughtful denomination filled with amazing people.

Seething humanism

Really, after 3 days of immersion in the world of UU humanism, amongst thoughtful, passionate, and inspirational discussion about the issues of theism/non-theism, humanism, God-language and more, I wish that I had enough brain power left to write a stunning piece of cohesive brilliance on the topic, but my mind is aswirl with ideas, papers to write, challenge, and gratitude.

I will say that the opportunity to be in class with minds who are not afraid to challenge the status quo has me all fired up (again, as usual) about diversity in race, class, and belief in our denomination. I also have come to perhaps a bit more of an understanding about why people call UUism a movement rather than religion, but I still disagree. However, the word movement does imply progress over time, and humanism is an evolutionary (in more than one sense of the word) additive to our faith tradition.

One thing that did cause me to spout out some passionate verbiage today was the reminder from Rev. Jen Crow's sermon( that I will link to as soon as she reminds me which sermon it WAS, that was probably inspired somewhat by the work of Dr. Sharon Welch), on lowering our expectations. Although I can see the interconnectedness of systems of oppression, I cannot begin to fix them all. And since I am passionate about all kinds of diversity, I am interested in part of my ministry being ways of discovering challenges, solutions and sitting down at the table to problem-solve.

My lack of experience in diversity work (I have lots of theory; not so much hands-on work) is an opportunity for me to be an ally in the great work that is already being done, and I am anxious to go home and start figuring out how to begin building those bridges now. It's like everything in life, you can do it all, but you can't do it all at once.

Dying? Not yet.

I hear the curmudgeons go on about how UU is a dying faith. I invite them to have sat in a room with 40+ other ministers in formation today in Chicago and heard the gifts that are being brought to the table from these talented and passionate future colleagues of mine.

I have a hard time believing we are going to let UUism die in our lifetimes.

Chicago has been fine. As soon as I was safely on the plane, I was ready to go. I miss my family and miss having reliable internet access (who would think that an academic housing unit wouldn't have internet?) but I am anxious to get some real studying done this weekend.

The convocation was interesting and I learned some valuable lessons about getting out from behind my barriers, whatever they are - physical, emotional, mental - and how effective it is to preach/teach/discern outside the box.

I am very pleased to see all my classmates again, including ones I didn't have an opportunity to meet in person back in September (Hi Paul!) as well as other students I've gotten to know online but not IRL. I am rooming with 3 wonderful women in my class, and having fun exploring Hyde Park and learning city life without a car.

Hoping to visit my sister this weekend too! Hitting post before the internet connection dies :)