I have been having a bit of a rough stretch - part re-entry from January intensives at Meadville Lombard, part early-mid-life crisis, part parenting struggles. I have been feeling a bit down-hearted. A bit out of sorts - well, more than a bit - there have been days that I don't even want to hang out with me lately.
But you know what, even as I was feeling a loss of faith in this call of mine to ministry, even as I was feeling like a big, fat failure in every area of my life, my church was standing next to me, without even knowing it.
None but a select few of my colleagues, co-facilitators, or friends knew that I was having inner struggles. Nobody knew that I was wrestling with family illness, self-flagellation, and changing life dynamics. But they loved me anyway - just because.
I cannot tell you how many people came up to me last Sunday, or have asked in phone calls, how my schooling is going. I am managing. They told me how much they enjoy my writing, or my speaking, or how excited they are for me. How proud they are to have one of their own pursuing the ministry. People I didn't even know knew that I was out of town for classes and stopped by my table in the lobby to check in with me. I am so humbled by their love and support.
I am awed by the emails going around our small group facilitator's group in support of those of us who are struggling with personal illness, death, and family issues. I am held up by my student colleagues who checked in with me over the last 10 days to see how I was holding up with getting back to real life after the dream-world of J-Term.
I guess this is just a humble post of sheer gratitude. I'm feeling more like myself today, and really credit the love that just lifts me up from all sides. Thank you.