We've been very busy today and I'm catching up on my news and blog reading. Thinking of all those affected by the TN UU Church shootings.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Lighting a candle
We've been very busy today and I'm catching up on my news and blog reading. Thinking of all those affected by the TN UU Church shootings.
What Doesn't Kill You...
Right then. We have an articulating mower and it broke in half tonight. Just ... broke. Some major metal piece came unwelded while my oldest daughter was mowing. Words don't suffice. We just bought the thing, just fixed it, and now it's kaput.
Then, my oldest two just got home from vacation with their dad, where they picked up head lice. This is honestly, my worst nightmare. My 9 yo has thick hair down to her butt. We just spent two hours combing it out and she shivered everytime I found a bug. So did I. I am skeeved out beyond belief. And yes, I know, anyone can get lice...but ewwww.
I am itching all over. Off to get a shower.
Then, my oldest two just got home from vacation with their dad, where they picked up head lice. This is honestly, my worst nightmare. My 9 yo has thick hair down to her butt. We just spent two hours combing it out and she shivered everytime I found a bug. So did I. I am skeeved out beyond belief. And yes, I know, anyone can get lice...but ewwww.
I am itching all over. Off to get a shower.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Beliefs and spiritual practice - CAUTION, long post ahead!
There is an awesome thunderstorm rolling over the hill, so I don't know if I'll get to keep this before we lose power, which I suspect we will, but I had such a journal-able day, that I want to get it down before I forget.
I'll just start with this one. I was reminded by reading at Keep the Faith about the Belief-O-Matic, which I also haven't taken for over a year or three. I thought it would be interesting to see what my own top and bottom five affinities were.
They were:
Interesting. It is a bit different than the last time I took it, mostly because I think that I have a better sense of who I am spiritually, and I took more time to read the quiz and answer it thoughtfully this time. I was 99% UU last time, if I recall correctly, which I may not. I'm hesitantly getting more and more comfortable with my Buddhist tendencies (I find it a hard path, so I'm just being lazy). I have a terrible time meditating, but give it a whirl every week. It's got to get easier...maybe not though.
I'm not surprised by the last 5 - I had to giggle just a bit last week when the Hill Cumorah festivities were going on. Someone rented an advertising truck that said, "What the Mormon's Aren't Telling You" and had more info...I find that kind of intolerance irritating at the very least, but I have had my own unpleasant run-ins with the LDS community, so had a little sympathy. I'm dying to go to the show next year though. I think the kids would find it fascinating, and I honestly need to improve my knowledge and cultural awareness of LDS, especially given how large a community lives in my immediate area.
Anywho, I also, being a recovering Catholic, was not surprised to see it at the bottom of the list, although I confess to having fond memories of much of the ritual used in Catholic masses. I like the predictability of our own UU sermons for that reason, I suspect.
__________________________
So speaking of beliefs, and moving on to morality, I had a really great conversation with one of my best friends yesterday. We ended the conversation having mutu
al admiration regarding how different our beliefs can be, and how we challenge each other to think about things from a different angle. Several of our friends are having serious relationship/marital separation issues, some related to infidelity, and some not. We were struggling with what constituted a reasonable reason for going outside the marriage for love - or how to handle romantic or sexual feelings when one is in a marriage. It was really clarifying for both of us - and I don't think either of us changed, but I think we each have a new respect for each other and what we bring to the table.
But speaking of being comfortable in one's skin, my children (male and female) have been having a really great time playing Cinderella. I am sure this says something about my comfort level with self-expression.
____________________
So today, we went to the Ganondagan Festival which was very family friendly and a nice way to spend a Saturday.
Apparently, it takes all kinds, like this guy with his incredibly cool cat!
I got to try some drumming, which was a big step for me. See, I am someone who doesn't do dances
of peace, or drum circles, or anything requiring me to dance or perform in public anymore. I suspect that it is not because I am shy; after all, I was a music major and have performed all through my childhood and you
th. I was also the only female percussion player in my entire school from 4th grade through 11th grade, when I quit by throwing my tympani sticks at my very sexist band director, who is still performing that job. I hope that he's not such a jerk anymore, now that 15+ years have passed. It appears that his resume is top notch. I even worked with his son when I was in journalism, and I won't repeat what he had to say about dear old dad. I'm tempted to link to his bio, but I'll refrain!
Anyway, back to the whole drumming thing. I'm pretty sure that my love of the beat and its affect on me is why I don't drum or dance in public. I have always been musical, and I think that today I realized that drumming, and maybe specifically, African drumming, is a key to the mystical door inside of me. I remember when I first started attending my first UU church. I cried through every single service; I was so moved. I feel that way about drumming. I think that I could rum and probably find myself transported out of myself spiritually by the rhythm and the movement. And that's not something I do comfortably in public. However, I think I may have found my spiritual practice for Wellspring. Daily drumming.
I am even lucky enough to be close friend with the spouse of one of the people who run Bush Mango - an in, if you will. I can't afford to go, but I can hit him for info about buying a drum and getting started, and there are drum circles that meet near my house every week.
So anyway, the drumming was excellent. The Native American dancing was moving, but in a sad sort of way to me. It was such a reminder of what has been done to NAs and how precious what is left is. I was moved to tears by it, and by the very few children who were a part of the dances and the traditional singing and drumming.
Jude had a good time. He napped on our friend, and we got to stop at the House of Chicken Nuggets, as he calls it, on the way home.
A good day, a good week. A lot to think about.
I'll just start with this one. I was reminded by reading at Keep the Faith about the Belief-O-Matic, which I also haven't taken for over a year or three. I thought it would be interesting to see what my own top and bottom five affinities were.
They were:
| |
|
| 23. | Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (30%) |
| 24. | Seventh Day Adventist (28%) |
| 25. | Eastern Orthodox (21%) |
| 26. | Roman Catholic (21%) |
| 27. | Jehovah's Witness (18%) |
Interesting. It is a bit different than the last time I took it, mostly because I think that I have a better sense of who I am spiritually, and I took more time to read the quiz and answer it thoughtfully this time. I was 99% UU last time, if I recall correctly, which I may not. I'm hesitantly getting more and more comfortable with my Buddhist tendencies (I find it a hard path, so I'm just being lazy). I have a terrible time meditating, but give it a whirl every week. It's got to get easier...maybe not though.
I'm not surprised by the last 5 - I had to giggle just a bit last week when the Hill Cumorah festivities were going on. Someone rented an advertising truck that said, "What the Mormon's Aren't Telling You" and had more info...I find that kind of intolerance irritating at the very least, but I have had my own unpleasant run-ins with the LDS community, so had a little sympathy. I'm dying to go to the show next year though. I think the kids would find it fascinating, and I honestly need to improve my knowledge and cultural awareness of LDS, especially given how large a community lives in my immediate area.
Anywho, I also, being a recovering Catholic, was not surprised to see it at the bottom of the list, although I confess to having fond memories of much of the ritual used in Catholic masses. I like the predictability of our own UU sermons for that reason, I suspect.
__________________________
So speaking of beliefs, and moving on to morality, I had a really great conversation with one of my best friends yesterday. We ended the conversation having mutu
al admiration regarding how different our beliefs can be, and how we challenge each other to think about things from a different angle. Several of our friends are having serious relationship/marital separation issues, some related to infidelity, and some not. We were struggling with what constituted a reasonable reason for going outside the marriage for love - or how to handle romantic or sexual feelings when one is in a marriage. It was really clarifying for both of us - and I don't think either of us changed, but I think we each have a new respect for each other and what we bring to the table.But speaking of being comfortable in one's skin, my children (male and female) have been having a really great time playing Cinderella. I am sure this says something about my comfort level with self-expression.
____________________
So today, we went to the Ganondagan Festival which was very family friendly and a nice way to spend a Saturday.
Apparently, it takes all kinds, like this guy with his incredibly cool cat!
I got to try some drumming, which was a big step for me. See, I am someone who doesn't do dances
of peace, or drum circles, or anything requiring me to dance or perform in public anymore. I suspect that it is not because I am shy; after all, I was a music major and have performed all through my childhood and youth. I was also the only female percussion player in my entire school from 4th grade through 11th grade, when I quit by throwing my tympani sticks at my very sexist band director, who is still performing that job. I hope that he's not such a jerk anymore, now that 15+ years have passed. It appears that his resume is top notch. I even worked with his son when I was in journalism, and I won't repeat what he had to say about dear old dad. I'm tempted to link to his bio, but I'll refrain!Anyway, back to the whole drumming thing. I'm pretty sure that my love of the beat and its affect on me is why I don't drum or dance in public. I have always been musical, and I think that today I realized that drumming, and maybe specifically, African drumming, is a key to the mystical door inside of me. I remember when I first started attending my first UU church. I cried through every single service; I was so moved. I feel that way about drumming. I think that I could rum and probably find myself transported out of myself spiritually by the rhythm and the movement. And that's not something I do comfortably in public. However, I think I may have found my spiritual practice for Wellspring. Daily drumming.
I am even lucky enough to be close friend with the spouse of one of the people who run Bush Mango - an in, if you will. I can't afford to go, but I can hit him for info about buying a drum and getting started, and there are drum circles that meet near my house every week.
So anyway, the drumming was excellent. The Native American dancing was moving, but in a sad sort of way to me. It was such a reminder of what has been done to NAs and how precious what is left is. I was moved to tears by it, and by the very few children who were a part of the dances and the traditional singing and drumming.Jude had a good time. He napped on our friend, and we got to stop at the House of Chicken Nuggets, as he calls it, on the way home.
A good day, a good week. A lot to think about.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Crazy House
So not only have we recently decided that we have to rehome our dog, which has been a very difficult decision, our cat went crazy this week. He has attacked said dog with increasing frequency and intensity every time I try to walk him in the yard. This cat is ancient, toothless, clawless, and apparently has a death wish.
I can not for the life of me figure out what his problem is, but my blood pressure is certainly elevated by the stress. I have had to crate the cat outside when I took the dog out to pee today, every single time.
Not to mention, that we have 1+ acre to mow and currently 3 non-functional lawn mowers. The one that came with the house needed a new transmission, I broke the push mower trying to keep up this spring, and our new-to-us mower threw a belt or something when my daughter was mowing last week. It has been raining for a week straight and the lawn is frighteningly close to out of control. The clover is having the proverbial field day (pun intended) and there are so many bees that we can't go in the yard without shoes.
Our neighbor across the street is selling her house and is working on her lawn almost non-stop. I feel so guilty that our yard doesn't look nice like it usually does - I have been trying very hard to keep the toys neat, the yard trimmed, and the weeding done, and it's all gotten away from me with the monsoon season. We also have a ton of large junk outside the garage that needs to go the dump...but we haven't been able to ascertain where that is in this county, and the website for county disposal authority is not working. I hope Tom can get them on the phone today.
The only saving grace is that our yard is still drenched; I think the mower would make tire ruts in it if we tried to mow. Hopefully we'll get it in working order tonight and I can mow tomorrow. And I thought summer would be an easier time to keep up with the house ;).
A gift: both babies are sleeping at the same time, the dog is safely tied up outside and the cat seems oblivious. A brief moment to breathe, and I think I'll go tackle some weeds outside my office that I can see. (under the Rowan tree!)
I am anxious to attend services this weekend. I need the lift.
I can not for the life of me figure out what his problem is, but my blood pressure is certainly elevated by the stress. I have had to crate the cat outside when I took the dog out to pee today, every single time.
Not to mention, that we have 1+ acre to mow and currently 3 non-functional lawn mowers. The one that came with the house needed a new transmission, I broke the push mower trying to keep up this spring, and our new-to-us mower threw a belt or something when my daughter was mowing last week. It has been raining for a week straight and the lawn is frighteningly close to out of control. The clover is having the proverbial field day (pun intended) and there are so many bees that we can't go in the yard without shoes.
Our neighbor across the street is selling her house and is working on her lawn almost non-stop. I feel so guilty that our yard doesn't look nice like it usually does - I have been trying very hard to keep the toys neat, the yard trimmed, and the weeding done, and it's all gotten away from me with the monsoon season. We also have a ton of large junk outside the garage that needs to go the dump...but we haven't been able to ascertain where that is in this county, and the website for county disposal authority is not working. I hope Tom can get them on the phone today.
The only saving grace is that our yard is still drenched; I think the mower would make tire ruts in it if we tried to mow. Hopefully we'll get it in working order tonight and I can mow tomorrow. And I thought summer would be an easier time to keep up with the house ;).
A gift: both babies are sleeping at the same time, the dog is safely tied up outside and the cat seems oblivious. A brief moment to breathe, and I think I'll go tackle some weeds outside my office that I can see. (under the Rowan tree!)
I am anxious to attend services this weekend. I need the lift.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
A gift
I just discovered that the beautiful tree in my front yard is a rowan tree - revered by those in the runic faith and long known to possess magical properties!
Very cool.
Very cool.
Spiritual Parenting
I think I need to refresh my toolbox of parenting skills, as my 12 year old daughter and I are in some sort of transitional phase. She's not quite a teen, but she's on the verge. She's got my number too. I admit, that I have a hard time disciplining her. I usually tolerate a lot from her and then loose my cool and lose my mother of the year award by yelling and shaming...not something I'm proud of. And guess what, it doesn't work.
She's at the age where reasoning works with her in the sense that she understands the reasoning. However, that doesn't mean she agrees with my superior reasoning skills or listens to reason.
Her bedroom has been an ongoing source of much frustration between us for a couple of years now. She is away for a week now and before she left I (once again) "cleaned her room" by confiscating a garbage bag full of stuff that I had been begging her to clean up for months. Months.
And she's supposed to do her own laundry. She knows how to do it. But it piles up and up and up. And then when she travels, I sneak in there and do it while she's gone. I feel great pleasure in this but is it love, or enabling?
I usually laugh about this - it's some sort of teen ritual or something; this argument about dirty rooms. But she's so great in every other way- she cooks, cleans, helps with her siblings, does her chores without complaint. Except for the ROOM. Why can't I let this go? There has to be a spiritual lesson in this.
Let go and let god? Except she doesn't believe in God and neither do I, so God is unlikely to show up to clean or help her to put her organizational skills into practice.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Serenity is something I'm constantly seeking. I even have the Japanese symbol for it tattooed on my body as a constant reminder to slow down, listen, seek...but I am not being very wise about this.
Maybe I should make it my daily meditation. I'll take all the stuff I confiscated, make a labyrinth out of it and do a daily meditative walk through it.
In the last 5 years, I've grown so much in patience and in my ability to let things go. Why not this?
She's at the age where reasoning works with her in the sense that she understands the reasoning. However, that doesn't mean she agrees with my superior reasoning skills or listens to reason.
Her bedroom has been an ongoing source of much frustration between us for a couple of years now. She is away for a week now and before she left I (once again) "cleaned her room" by confiscating a garbage bag full of stuff that I had been begging her to clean up for months. Months.
And she's supposed to do her own laundry. She knows how to do it. But it piles up and up and up. And then when she travels, I sneak in there and do it while she's gone. I feel great pleasure in this but is it love, or enabling?
I usually laugh about this - it's some sort of teen ritual or something; this argument about dirty rooms. But she's so great in every other way- she cooks, cleans, helps with her siblings, does her chores without complaint. Except for the ROOM. Why can't I let this go? There has to be a spiritual lesson in this.
Let go and let god? Except she doesn't believe in God and neither do I, so God is unlikely to show up to clean or help her to put her organizational skills into practice.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Serenity is something I'm constantly seeking. I even have the Japanese symbol for it tattooed on my body as a constant reminder to slow down, listen, seek...but I am not being very wise about this.
Maybe I should make it my daily meditation. I'll take all the stuff I confiscated, make a labyrinth out of it and do a daily meditative walk through it.
In the last 5 years, I've grown so much in patience and in my ability to let things go. Why not this?
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Polity and Autonomy
I am working my way through some UU blogs from various perspectives. I was just reading this post and was struck by it's connections with the UUA Polity book I'm reading right now.
In discussing theological perspective in the first chapters, the authors agree with Wells in the sense that they say that "ours is not a single, centralized church, but an association of churches..."
Wells says that "The Unitarian Universalist Association is essentially a service and coordinating body, not an ecclesiastical organization. Consider this: if the UUA Board of Trustees — even the General Assembly itself — adopted a resolution which defined what a Unitarian Universalist is, how would we collectively act?"
But I agree with the Commission of Appraisal, which (even when this book was written 10 years ago) points out that we are already defined - whether as Christian or not, by the fact that "total [congregational] independence is impossible insofar as the principle of congregational polity must itself be agreed on by a collectivity of congregations." They go on to say that we do indeed need a "new or renewed doctrine of the church - a conception of religious community that is integral, not incidental, to our total theological understanding" (9).
This is true today and still something that has not been achieved. Unitarian...unity...is it not possible to define, respect and address the needs of the various faiths that come under our one roof?
Even my 12 year old struggles with this. How can she define Unitarian Universalism and defend her "faith" or belief in the purpose of our church when it is so unclearly defined. It frustrates me when UUs get so caught up in the academic or the intellectual discussions of autonomy - we lose sight of the power of unity, whatever that means for each individual within the church. Is it not possible to have a wider covenant that ties together congregations more strongly without taking away autonomy or purpose?
These ideas and suggestions about congregational polity are coming to fruition now - this is an exciting, and difficult time for our religion, for how we continue to define ourselves. We are not a new tradition - and I think it is disturbing that Christian UUs feel disenfranchised. Even the commission admits this lack of connection with our Christian roots, and says that "we should affirm as much community with other religious bodies as we can" (12). And I would add that we need to affirm that community within our own tradition as well - we need to start at home.
Rambling thoughts I guess...but it's something I am anxious to explore and think more about, and to read others' ideas and dissensions.
In discussing theological perspective in the first chapters, the authors agree with Wells in the sense that they say that "ours is not a single, centralized church, but an association of churches..."
Wells says that "The Unitarian Universalist Association is essentially a service and coordinating body, not an ecclesiastical organization. Consider this: if the UUA Board of Trustees — even the General Assembly itself — adopted a resolution which defined what a Unitarian Universalist is, how would we collectively act?"
But I agree with the Commission of Appraisal, which (even when this book was written 10 years ago) points out that we are already defined - whether as Christian or not, by the fact that "total [congregational] independence is impossible insofar as the principle of congregational polity must itself be agreed on by a collectivity of congregations." They go on to say that we do indeed need a "new or renewed doctrine of the church - a conception of religious community that is integral, not incidental, to our total theological understanding" (9).
This is true today and still something that has not been achieved. Unitarian...unity...is it not possible to define, respect and address the needs of the various faiths that come under our one roof?
Even my 12 year old struggles with this. How can she define Unitarian Universalism and defend her "faith" or belief in the purpose of our church when it is so unclearly defined. It frustrates me when UUs get so caught up in the academic or the intellectual discussions of autonomy - we lose sight of the power of unity, whatever that means for each individual within the church. Is it not possible to have a wider covenant that ties together congregations more strongly without taking away autonomy or purpose?
These ideas and suggestions about congregational polity are coming to fruition now - this is an exciting, and difficult time for our religion, for how we continue to define ourselves. We are not a new tradition - and I think it is disturbing that Christian UUs feel disenfranchised. Even the commission admits this lack of connection with our Christian roots, and says that "we should affirm as much community with other religious bodies as we can" (12). And I would add that we need to affirm that community within our own tradition as well - we need to start at home.
Rambling thoughts I guess...but it's something I am anxious to explore and think more about, and to read others' ideas and dissensions.
Beauty in the morning
First thing in the morning is when I have my focused journaling and reading time. This morning, my friend Jennifer has posted a link to some gorgeous photos from a competition. I love how the photograph can capture such emotion in a single frame. Lucy of course enjoyed looking at the pictures with me (baby! she says) and of course, as a mother, I am moved by the family shots. I think one of the most striking is the #22. The coldness, as described in the caption, is palpable.
I'm fascinated with these connections between family and communication. What shuts a person down for their whole parenting career so that at the end of their life, they are known as having been cold and loveless for so many years?
I know that I spent many years trying to communicate with my own mother -often railing and raging against her, seemingly with no change. What happens to a person? I know that my own love for my family and others is in some ways biological in nature - what happens to make biology go awry? I can't imagine not having that imperative to protect and nurture one's offspring. These are questions I'm sure I'll face more and more as an individual, a friend, a minister. They are so difficult to wrestle with, and of course are not limited to family relationships.
Regardless of deep cosmic questions, I'm surrounded by quiet this morning, Lucy on the couch eating cereal, soft rain falling outside the porch window, and I'm working at my new desk, carefully crafted for me by my husband. It's beautiful and perfect. Perhaps our resident hummingbird will make an appearance outside my window, completing the picture.
I am so blessed, and need to be aware of the constant reminders of that fact.
I'm fascinated with these connections between family and communication. What shuts a person down for their whole parenting career so that at the end of their life, they are known as having been cold and loveless for so many years?
I know that I spent many years trying to communicate with my own mother -often railing and raging against her, seemingly with no change. What happens to a person? I know that my own love for my family and others is in some ways biological in nature - what happens to make biology go awry? I can't imagine not having that imperative to protect and nurture one's offspring. These are questions I'm sure I'll face more and more as an individual, a friend, a minister. They are so difficult to wrestle with, and of course are not limited to family relationships.
Regardless of deep cosmic questions, I'm surrounded by quiet this morning, Lucy on the couch eating cereal, soft rain falling outside the porch window, and I'm working at my new desk, carefully crafted for me by my husband. It's beautiful and perfect. Perhaps our resident hummingbird will make an appearance outside my window, completing the picture.
I am so blessed, and need to be aware of the constant reminders of that fact.
Friday, July 18, 2008
breathing
I am still trying to catch up with everything from traveling and getting into S's gymnastics summer routine. The girls are separated this summer for visitation for the most part and it's been odd but nice to have just one of them around to spend more quality time with, and to reduce the bickering.
I need to finish cleaning the house today, but it's so hot and humid that everything feels disgusting, whether I clean it or not. I dread the kitchen, but it must be done.
I also am very much in trouble with money from that one little trip - having T. take off next month for 5 days is going to really hurt and there's no more cushion from tax return or economic stimulus. Those darn bills keep pouring in. I'm really loving being home again though but wonder if it's tenable even for the short-term. I may need to start doing some freelancing again but am not sure where to start.
.............
I did one of my phone interviews last night for credit by evaluation, and hope that it went well. I have a sinking feeling that she won't give me either all the credits or allow them as advanced credits - she was totally unreadable so I could be wrong, but it was rather disconcerting. I did the best I could though, so I'll just have to wait and see.
As soon as I finish these up, hopefully by the end of this month, I can use August break to work on my graduate school applications. I think I will apply to both Meadville Lombard AND Colgate here in Rochester, to see what happens and where the road leads me.
I've been reading a lot, both UU requirements, vampire fiction courtesy of my oldest daughter, and trashy magazines that my mother-in-law hands down. I've also had time to do word puzzles again. It's heavenly. This is what summer should be like. Minus the money worries. But we'll get by. Tom and I are stronger than we've ever been. Communication is getting easier all the time.
My friend asked me to go to Daisy Dukes (a country bar) and ride the mechanical bull with her for fun some weekend. I said to Tom that I would post pictures so he could see it - he thought that might not be an appropriate activity for an aspiring minister ;). I disagree!
I need to finish cleaning the house today, but it's so hot and humid that everything feels disgusting, whether I clean it or not. I dread the kitchen, but it must be done.
I also am very much in trouble with money from that one little trip - having T. take off next month for 5 days is going to really hurt and there's no more cushion from tax return or economic stimulus. Those darn bills keep pouring in. I'm really loving being home again though but wonder if it's tenable even for the short-term. I may need to start doing some freelancing again but am not sure where to start.
.............
I did one of my phone interviews last night for credit by evaluation, and hope that it went well. I have a sinking feeling that she won't give me either all the credits or allow them as advanced credits - she was totally unreadable so I could be wrong, but it was rather disconcerting. I did the best I could though, so I'll just have to wait and see.
As soon as I finish these up, hopefully by the end of this month, I can use August break to work on my graduate school applications. I think I will apply to both Meadville Lombard AND Colgate here in Rochester, to see what happens and where the road leads me.
I've been reading a lot, both UU requirements, vampire fiction courtesy of my oldest daughter, and trashy magazines that my mother-in-law hands down. I've also had time to do word puzzles again. It's heavenly. This is what summer should be like. Minus the money worries. But we'll get by. Tom and I are stronger than we've ever been. Communication is getting easier all the time.
My friend asked me to go to Daisy Dukes (a country bar) and ride the mechanical bull with her for fun some weekend. I said to Tom that I would post pictures so he could see it - he thought that might not be an appropriate activity for an aspiring minister ;). I disagree!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Vacation
This whole last two weeks has been a whirlwind of finishing school (3 out of 5 As so far!), and Emma being away. This week, I took the 3 other kids to PA to the Central Pennsylvania Festival of the Arts and the People's Choice Festival and we visited with my mom and dad, and my ex-FIL and friends.
One spiritual awakening moment was when I was frustrated with Soren and a woman walked by and told me it wouldn't matter in 10 years. My first internal reaction was ... not very spiritual :) but as the day went out, it was a WWJD moment. I mean, she was right - in 10 years, it won't matter. In 10 minutes it didn't matter. And it was good to be able to HEAR that and not want her to just STFU ;).
We had a wonderful, wonderful, incredible visit with my dad, who lives in a locked ward of a nursing home and suffers from dementia. We visited out in the garden area which gave us privacy and the kids room to run, and I got him talking about his family and childhood, which really gave him focus. It was the best visit we've had in years. We also took him out to brunch the day we left and it was challenging being on my own with him and he 3 youngest kids, but it was so amazing to watch Jude with him. My 3 yo son moved his booster seat right up against "papa george" and sat next to him and loved him up the whole time. He adores my dad so much.
I went to a Wellspring orientation today, and one of the facilitators was talking about how one of the outcomes of being involved was that caring for her parents has become one of her daily spiritual practices and how it has gone from being one more thing she checks off her list of things to do, to being some larger, spiritual experience. I totally got that after this brunch and this wonderful visit - it was worth every second to see Jude soaking up his Papa, and the joy on his face when we arrived, and watching him run up the sidewalk to the front doors of the nursing home.
So to skip around a bit, I went to that Wellspring orientation today, and am going to attend for 10 months starting in September. I can NOT wait. I am so enthusiastic and anxious to experience this group and everything it will bring me. It really seems like pre-seminary and such a wonderful gift. I met our new ministerial intern, Erin, today. She approached me, because I was reading a book on polity governance from our UU library and lo! she thought that was an interesting reading choice, given that she just took a class on it. We really seemed to click right away and I am anxious to talk to her more. She is attending Meadville Lombard and loves the professors and the academic integrity of the school. I wish I could do the residential program more and more.
So let's see...I got to spend time with my friends Erica and Keith, who are getting married in September. That was awesome; they are both so thoughtful and intentional people, while I am more spontaneous. I am awed by their preparations for marriage and their love for each other. It is such a gift to have them in our lives!
The kids and I went to the local Arts Festivals and it was wonderful - Soren got to look at so much art and to take as much time as she wanted. She took many mental notes for ideas for projects and interests. It was so wonderful to experience that with my budding artist. Jude also had many interests and enjoyed much of the photography and painting. It is hard for a 3 year old to look with the eyes and not the hands, but he did an admirable job overall.
I got back on Saturday and Tom and I have really been enjoying reconnecting. It was a good break and we missed each other and have more appreciation for each other I think. We have also been talking about giving up our dog, because he has some issues that we are unprepared to deal with. Neither of us has ever given up a pet for behavioral issues, but we are worried and confused by some of his aggression and not sure that it will improve with more time investment, so we're thinking of trying to rehome him, and find a dog more suited to our needs. It's been a painful process.
Lots of deep thinking going on this week, and so much gratitude. Not least of all that my oldest, Emma, is home from 2 weeks of camp. I missed her but it was bearable this year, which is good, because she asked to go for a month next year :-O.
One spiritual awakening moment was when I was frustrated with Soren and a woman walked by and told me it wouldn't matter in 10 years. My first internal reaction was ... not very spiritual :) but as the day went out, it was a WWJD moment. I mean, she was right - in 10 years, it won't matter. In 10 minutes it didn't matter. And it was good to be able to HEAR that and not want her to just STFU ;).
We had a wonderful, wonderful, incredible visit with my dad, who lives in a locked ward of a nursing home and suffers from dementia. We visited out in the garden area which gave us privacy and the kids room to run, and I got him talking about his family and childhood, which really gave him focus. It was the best visit we've had in years. We also took him out to brunch the day we left and it was challenging being on my own with him and he 3 youngest kids, but it was so amazing to watch Jude with him. My 3 yo son moved his booster seat right up against "papa george" and sat next to him and loved him up the whole time. He adores my dad so much.
I went to a Wellspring orientation today, and one of the facilitators was talking about how one of the outcomes of being involved was that caring for her parents has become one of her daily spiritual practices and how it has gone from being one more thing she checks off her list of things to do, to being some larger, spiritual experience. I totally got that after this brunch and this wonderful visit - it was worth every second to see Jude soaking up his Papa, and the joy on his face when we arrived, and watching him run up the sidewalk to the front doors of the nursing home.
So to skip around a bit, I went to that Wellspring orientation today, and am going to attend for 10 months starting in September. I can NOT wait. I am so enthusiastic and anxious to experience this group and everything it will bring me. It really seems like pre-seminary and such a wonderful gift. I met our new ministerial intern, Erin, today. She approached me, because I was reading a book on polity governance from our UU library and lo! she thought that was an interesting reading choice, given that she just took a class on it. We really seemed to click right away and I am anxious to talk to her more. She is attending Meadville Lombard and loves the professors and the academic integrity of the school. I wish I could do the residential program more and more.
So let's see...I got to spend time with my friends Erica and Keith, who are getting married in September. That was awesome; they are both so thoughtful and intentional people, while I am more spontaneous. I am awed by their preparations for marriage and their love for each other. It is such a gift to have them in our lives!
The kids and I went to the local Arts Festivals and it was wonderful - Soren got to look at so much art and to take as much time as she wanted. She took many mental notes for ideas for projects and interests. It was so wonderful to experience that with my budding artist. Jude also had many interests and enjoyed much of the photography and painting. It is hard for a 3 year old to look with the eyes and not the hands, but he did an admirable job overall.
I got back on Saturday and Tom and I have really been enjoying reconnecting. It was a good break and we missed each other and have more appreciation for each other I think. We have also been talking about giving up our dog, because he has some issues that we are unprepared to deal with. Neither of us has ever given up a pet for behavioral issues, but we are worried and confused by some of his aggression and not sure that it will improve with more time investment, so we're thinking of trying to rehome him, and find a dog more suited to our needs. It's been a painful process.
Lots of deep thinking going on this week, and so much gratitude. Not least of all that my oldest, Emma, is home from 2 weeks of camp. I missed her but it was bearable this year, which is good, because she asked to go for a month next year :-O.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Holiday fun
I had my last day at work as the RE Assistant on Monday, so tomorrow I can go to church and just go to the service for the first time in a year. I may even visit the smaller church that is closer to us.
The 4th of July weekend has been good to us. Picnicking, fishing, lots of family and friends visiting, and lots of relaxation.
I started reading some of the required reading list last year and got back to some of the books now that school is over for the summer.
The 4th of July weekend has been good to us. Picnicking, fishing, lots of family and friends visiting, and lots of relaxation.
I started reading some of the required reading list last year and got back to some of the books now that school is over for the summer.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I made it!
I turned in my final remaining paper last night, on Intercultural Communication and Religious Plurality. What a relief! Today's the last day of the semester, but I have everything turned in. Now I just wait for my final grades. I have 2 final papers, a project, and an essay that I'm waiting on feedback for, as well as the final grades for 4 classes.
This summer, I have to do 4 phone interviews for my prior learning credits, and if all goes well, I'll just have 12 credits in the fall and I'll graduate! I also plan to work on my grad school application this summer and visit Meadville Lombard and Colgate Crozier.
Next Sunday I am going to the Wellspring orientation for this year, so that will take care of the spiritual part of my education :). Things are looking good!
Today is park day and I don't have to try to cram studying in while watching the kids and chatting with friends. I have a weekend of freedom before I tackle preparation for my phone interviews. It feels *really* good.
This summer, I have to do 4 phone interviews for my prior learning credits, and if all goes well, I'll just have 12 credits in the fall and I'll graduate! I also plan to work on my grad school application this summer and visit Meadville Lombard and Colgate Crozier.
Next Sunday I am going to the Wellspring orientation for this year, so that will take care of the spiritual part of my education :). Things are looking good!
Today is park day and I don't have to try to cram studying in while watching the kids and chatting with friends. I have a weekend of freedom before I tackle preparation for my phone interviews. It feels *really* good.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Circles
My oldest left for camp today. Two weeks. It seems like a lifetime this afternoon. The truth is, I enjoy living with, and spending time with my kids. When they're not here, I miss them. I hate when my older two go to their dad's every other weekend. I miss their smiles, their arguments, their questions, their hugs, their bodies sprawled on the couch.
I think I am going to be in big trouble with they move out. At 12, my oldest is already moving into the world in larger increments - more overnights with friends, more activities, a week gone here, a couple weeks there, coming up with her own ideas, becoming more and more independent with cooking, laundry, thinking, doing. My heart aches at the idea of not seeing her for 14 days, but I know that she is excited, and ready to do a week of extreme hiking, rock climbing, and whitewater rafting. Who is this bright and confident young woman? I see my face in hers, but she is so clearly separate from me. She is brave, and well-spoken, ready to take on the world, but has the nickname "Mom" because of her responsibility and respect for (most) rules, and especially her championing for the underdog.
My ex-husband says she's me with tools I never had.
I wonder what my mother feels in her solitude. She lost me early - at 15. I never came back, and we have gone years at a time without speaking. We spent the 3 years between 12 and 15 arguing and fighting and tossing the coin between love and hate - or at least I did. I can't imagine that relationship between my children and I. We have so much love between all of us. Of course, we are human and yell and say things we don't mean, and get angry...but we know that we are loved.
I still don't know what my mother felt or feels - did she miss me when I was gone? Did she even notice? She didn't do anything to get me back - and I can't imagine that either. I haven't given much thought to what she might have been feeling or feels now - but as my own children grow up and away, faster and faster, I wonder what I will fill my days with when they are gone. I wonder how much we will be in each other's lives - it will never be this intense and close again.
Is it like my relationship with spirit? Our love will continue to be present, without the physical body? Of course it will...but I have to remember to enjoy every minute, every second, because it will never be like this again.
My 18 mo. old daughter has learned the word "no" and this has demarcated her from the rest of the family. She is no longer an infant - nursing for all of her nutrition, needing to be carried everywhere. Just like the 12 yo, she is moving into the world- walking, running, climbing, seeking, learning, talking, becoming her own individual. In a blink of an eye, she will be 12, and then 18 and then 25. Who will I become between now and then? Who will I be when she is 35 and I am old? Where will our connections lie?
What connections are there between me at 35 and my mother at 72? Pain, disappointment, resignation. Orphaned, both of us. She by her children and us by her. I never want to be that - I have spent my life in not being that person, and my quest for spirit is so much about that - and also to understand those who are lonely and angry and offer them solace. To understand what else is there that is admirable and lovable.
My mother is my spiritual practice - to break myself upon her walls - to love her faults, to find her virtues, to mold myself against and with her. I wonder if that's how my children will see themselves...how will they define themselves against their parents?
I think I am going to be in big trouble with they move out. At 12, my oldest is already moving into the world in larger increments - more overnights with friends, more activities, a week gone here, a couple weeks there, coming up with her own ideas, becoming more and more independent with cooking, laundry, thinking, doing. My heart aches at the idea of not seeing her for 14 days, but I know that she is excited, and ready to do a week of extreme hiking, rock climbing, and whitewater rafting. Who is this bright and confident young woman? I see my face in hers, but she is so clearly separate from me. She is brave, and well-spoken, ready to take on the world, but has the nickname "Mom" because of her responsibility and respect for (most) rules, and especially her championing for the underdog.
My ex-husband says she's me with tools I never had.
I wonder what my mother feels in her solitude. She lost me early - at 15. I never came back, and we have gone years at a time without speaking. We spent the 3 years between 12 and 15 arguing and fighting and tossing the coin between love and hate - or at least I did. I can't imagine that relationship between my children and I. We have so much love between all of us. Of course, we are human and yell and say things we don't mean, and get angry...but we know that we are loved.
I still don't know what my mother felt or feels - did she miss me when I was gone? Did she even notice? She didn't do anything to get me back - and I can't imagine that either. I haven't given much thought to what she might have been feeling or feels now - but as my own children grow up and away, faster and faster, I wonder what I will fill my days with when they are gone. I wonder how much we will be in each other's lives - it will never be this intense and close again.
Is it like my relationship with spirit? Our love will continue to be present, without the physical body? Of course it will...but I have to remember to enjoy every minute, every second, because it will never be like this again.
My 18 mo. old daughter has learned the word "no" and this has demarcated her from the rest of the family. She is no longer an infant - nursing for all of her nutrition, needing to be carried everywhere. Just like the 12 yo, she is moving into the world- walking, running, climbing, seeking, learning, talking, becoming her own individual. In a blink of an eye, she will be 12, and then 18 and then 25. Who will I become between now and then? Who will I be when she is 35 and I am old? Where will our connections lie?
What connections are there between me at 35 and my mother at 72? Pain, disappointment, resignation. Orphaned, both of us. She by her children and us by her. I never want to be that - I have spent my life in not being that person, and my quest for spirit is so much about that - and also to understand those who are lonely and angry and offer them solace. To understand what else is there that is admirable and lovable.
My mother is my spiritual practice - to break myself upon her walls - to love her faults, to find her virtues, to mold myself against and with her. I wonder if that's how my children will see themselves...how will they define themselves against their parents?
Friday, June 27, 2008
SQ and Sandwich Generation
Turns out, I got a 100 on my research paper on Spiritual Intelligence. This is such a turning moment for me. I have received lots of perfect scores, but this is the first time that a professor has told me what I have been suspecting - that I am doing graduate level work, for a variety of reasons.
I am considering trying to publish some of my papers - not just on spiritual intelligence, but on other things. I haven't freelanced in quite some time, and making multiple usage of the things I'm learning and writing to help support my family and to further my career makes a lot of sense.
My professor also, who has always signed her notes as Dr. X, is now apparently on a first name basis with me. Interesting. Heartening. Exciting. She sent me a link to Jill Bolte Taylor, which I found interesting. She is a brain scientist who studies severe mental illness (which fascinates me as well, in no small part due to living w/ my bipolar (not to define him solely by that!) ex-husband for so many years), and she had a stroke at the age of 37. She discusses how, as a scientist, she was able to note what was happening to her as it happened, and how she had a spiritual awakening during the process. It is fascinating and emotional to watch, at the very least.
_______________________________________________
I got a call from my father's nursing home early this week. He has dementia from his own brain aneurism, which occured when I was 4 months old. I had to place him in a locked facility about 3 years ago, in order to keep him safe, as he was wandering and his walking was getting worse as well. He's 81. He has lived for 35 years with this - and only now is completely losing control.
He has been getting more and more aggressive. I believe that he is depressed. He has a real issue with people being in his room, but since all the other residents have dementia as well, they often wander into his room, not knowing any better. He has had some physical altercations in the past but this time he pushed an elderly woman so hard that she hit the wall and hit her head quite hard and had to have an x-ray. She has quite the bump.
If this continues, he may have to go to a geri-psychiatric ward for evaluation and medication changes. I didn't even know such a place existed! He is on a psychotropic med already to keep his mood level and to help him sleep at night, as well as to help him with agitation. (Seroquel). It has worked fairly well, but the last few months he is having these outburts. I am a bit afraid to take him out in July by myself with 3 of my 4 kids.
This sandwich generation thing is so hard. My parents are not, nor have they been, parental in years and years and years my dad since I was 16. My mom...maybe ever, really. I became my father's power of attorney and guardian some years ago, and have worked very hard to help him keep his autonomy. It has been a struggle which ended in this placement, where he will eventually die.
I feel perpetually guilty. If I didn't have kids, if I didn't work, if, if, if...I could take care of him long enough to transfer him out of state. He is so angry at me. He has so many misconceptions and little understanding of what heart and soul I have put into keeping him safe and independent for years. My kids love their grandfather but hate the nursing home and are a little scared of the little old ladies who hover and want to love them to death - they are all so lonely. And we visit so rarely - 4 hours is tough with 4 kids - the youngest at 18 months. I always feel like I'm making excuses, but it is hard. But I miss him.
It's odd though - he is himself when he is violent; when he is angry. He was a passionate, angry, violent man before he got sick, from all accounts. I didn't know him that way, but I could see as a child, that his true self came out when he was angry. It didn't scare me; it made me feel close to him - like I was getting a glimpse of my real dad - the one I never knew. I feel a bit like that now - I hate that he will have to be medicated, but of course he must be, to keep others safe.
He is a walking miracle. An aneurism. 4 brain surgeries. Seizures. 2 heart attacks and needs a quadruple bypass (at least) which he will never have because of his brain damage. He is my dad.
I miss him. I wish I could call him and tell him how successful I am in school. And I could, but he wouldn't really get it. Being an orphaned sandwich child/parent is very lonely at times. It's almost enough to make me believe in God - just for the support - but not quite ;).
I am considering trying to publish some of my papers - not just on spiritual intelligence, but on other things. I haven't freelanced in quite some time, and making multiple usage of the things I'm learning and writing to help support my family and to further my career makes a lot of sense.
My professor also, who has always signed her notes as Dr. X, is now apparently on a first name basis with me. Interesting. Heartening. Exciting. She sent me a link to Jill Bolte Taylor, which I found interesting. She is a brain scientist who studies severe mental illness (which fascinates me as well, in no small part due to living w/ my bipolar (not to define him solely by that!) ex-husband for so many years), and she had a stroke at the age of 37. She discusses how, as a scientist, she was able to note what was happening to her as it happened, and how she had a spiritual awakening during the process. It is fascinating and emotional to watch, at the very least.
_______________________________________________
I got a call from my father's nursing home early this week. He has dementia from his own brain aneurism, which occured when I was 4 months old. I had to place him in a locked facility about 3 years ago, in order to keep him safe, as he was wandering and his walking was getting worse as well. He's 81. He has lived for 35 years with this - and only now is completely losing control.
He has been getting more and more aggressive. I believe that he is depressed. He has a real issue with people being in his room, but since all the other residents have dementia as well, they often wander into his room, not knowing any better. He has had some physical altercations in the past but this time he pushed an elderly woman so hard that she hit the wall and hit her head quite hard and had to have an x-ray. She has quite the bump.
If this continues, he may have to go to a geri-psychiatric ward for evaluation and medication changes. I didn't even know such a place existed! He is on a psychotropic med already to keep his mood level and to help him sleep at night, as well as to help him with agitation. (Seroquel). It has worked fairly well, but the last few months he is having these outburts. I am a bit afraid to take him out in July by myself with 3 of my 4 kids.
This sandwich generation thing is so hard. My parents are not, nor have they been, parental in years and years and years my dad since I was 16. My mom...maybe ever, really. I became my father's power of attorney and guardian some years ago, and have worked very hard to help him keep his autonomy. It has been a struggle which ended in this placement, where he will eventually die.
I feel perpetually guilty. If I didn't have kids, if I didn't work, if, if, if...I could take care of him long enough to transfer him out of state. He is so angry at me. He has so many misconceptions and little understanding of what heart and soul I have put into keeping him safe and independent for years. My kids love their grandfather but hate the nursing home and are a little scared of the little old ladies who hover and want to love them to death - they are all so lonely. And we visit so rarely - 4 hours is tough with 4 kids - the youngest at 18 months. I always feel like I'm making excuses, but it is hard. But I miss him.
It's odd though - he is himself when he is violent; when he is angry. He was a passionate, angry, violent man before he got sick, from all accounts. I didn't know him that way, but I could see as a child, that his true self came out when he was angry. It didn't scare me; it made me feel close to him - like I was getting a glimpse of my real dad - the one I never knew. I feel a bit like that now - I hate that he will have to be medicated, but of course he must be, to keep others safe.
He is a walking miracle. An aneurism. 4 brain surgeries. Seizures. 2 heart attacks and needs a quadruple bypass (at least) which he will never have because of his brain damage. He is my dad.
I miss him. I wish I could call him and tell him how successful I am in school. And I could, but he wouldn't really get it. Being an orphaned sandwich child/parent is very lonely at times. It's almost enough to make me believe in God - just for the support - but not quite ;).
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Reflective Learning
I'm really enjoying connecting all the learning in my classes together for the last two semesters. I'm able to use so much of each class in the others- partly because I chose them that way, and partly because of serendipity.
In my reflective learning class, we were...well, learning about how we learn, and the biological basis of learning. I had to do a final paper and did it on Spiritual Intelligence. I am not sure how much I buy of the science behind it, and there doesn't seem to be too much current research that I can put my fingers on, other than by Sisk, but it was neat to connect the idea of the God Spot, SQ, Multiple Intelligences, and biology together in one big theory about whether SQ exists, and if so, how we can improve upon it individually and collectively. Once I get my grade, maybe I'll post it here, if anyone is interested.
Have any readers out there done any research/reading on this?
In my reflective learning class, we were...well, learning about how we learn, and the biological basis of learning. I had to do a final paper and did it on Spiritual Intelligence. I am not sure how much I buy of the science behind it, and there doesn't seem to be too much current research that I can put my fingers on, other than by Sisk, but it was neat to connect the idea of the God Spot, SQ, Multiple Intelligences, and biology together in one big theory about whether SQ exists, and if so, how we can improve upon it individually and collectively. Once I get my grade, maybe I'll post it here, if anyone is interested.
Have any readers out there done any research/reading on this?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Membership in the larger context
Jan and I have been talking about membership and what it means to those who make use of the RE program - a little more than half of our families are members - and that translates into money, on some level. Thinking about money and spirituality makes me a little queasy, quite honestly, but we had a great and reflective discussion about it and how it is communicated at First UU. I just found this post from UUMomma about membership and what it means. She doesn't seem to get clear answers either, so at least I'm not alone. I want to think about visioning and what it means to be a member - both as a current member of my church, and as a future minister.
Money:
Jan explained to me that the hope is that people who come regularly will pledge, even if they don't become members. This wasn't clear to me before I became a member at either of the UU churches I have belonged to, and I don't think that there's a clear communication path around this. As a user of RE or community services through the church, this makes sense though.
The other piece is that pledging seems to be the big piece of becoming a member. Our ministers had a dessert for prospective members and gave us a spiel about where pledge money goes and how it supports the church. Now I adore our ministers, but this felt more like buying a used car than joining a church.
Handing over a check while signing the membership book - ick. I'd rather hand over my soul ;).
Personally, I know that money is part of church, but I don't want to think about it that much as a newcomer. I want to bask in the sermons, feel the safety of community, and meet people. But I think that if I had been invited, even as a non-member, to congregational meetings (even though non-members don't get a vote), I would have understood so much more about how important time and pledges are to the running of the church.
I told Jan that I think that our membership committee should reach out to new people in their first year and help them connect to the practicalities of church - after all UUs are pretty methodical and seeking people who want information for the most part. I wonder how other people feel about that? About having a conversation with people about membership vs. pledging - they dont' have to come together.
Congregational and budget meetings are as community building as small groups like book group with the minister, Wellspring, etc. Just from a different perspective. I'd much rather go to those and be asked to pledge than to be "sold" the idea of pledging. But maybe that's just me?
Membership:
So what does it mean to be a member? I think that's probably as personal as what UUism means to people in a religious and spiritual way.
Speaking for myself, membership means a commitment to my spiritual path as a UU, as well as practicalities. Being willing to serve on committees, to volunteer my time, to attend groups that help me grow personally.
Membership means that I need to take part in radical hospitality - I need to commit to reaching out to old and new members and making them feel welcome every time they show up. To be in contact with our ministers and staff about things I know about our visitors and members - what they need from us.
To evangelize - talk to others outside the UU about the UU - to encourage people to try it out, to see if it's the right path for them if they're seeking one.
To support the church financially and with energy and time. To make it a priority as my top community that gets a lot of my resources and talents.
To support the church's initiatives in the local and global community.
And finally for me, to lead, to love, to nurture, to build. To use my love and talents in organization, speaking, web-weaving to reach others and serve. Being a member is to embrace everything practical and spiritual about our religion (is it a religion? For the sake of argument we'll say it is, for today).
Money:
Jan explained to me that the hope is that people who come regularly will pledge, even if they don't become members. This wasn't clear to me before I became a member at either of the UU churches I have belonged to, and I don't think that there's a clear communication path around this. As a user of RE or community services through the church, this makes sense though.
The other piece is that pledging seems to be the big piece of becoming a member. Our ministers had a dessert for prospective members and gave us a spiel about where pledge money goes and how it supports the church. Now I adore our ministers, but this felt more like buying a used car than joining a church.
Handing over a check while signing the membership book - ick. I'd rather hand over my soul ;).
Personally, I know that money is part of church, but I don't want to think about it that much as a newcomer. I want to bask in the sermons, feel the safety of community, and meet people. But I think that if I had been invited, even as a non-member, to congregational meetings (even though non-members don't get a vote), I would have understood so much more about how important time and pledges are to the running of the church.
I told Jan that I think that our membership committee should reach out to new people in their first year and help them connect to the practicalities of church - after all UUs are pretty methodical and seeking people who want information for the most part. I wonder how other people feel about that? About having a conversation with people about membership vs. pledging - they dont' have to come together.
Congregational and budget meetings are as community building as small groups like book group with the minister, Wellspring, etc. Just from a different perspective. I'd much rather go to those and be asked to pledge than to be "sold" the idea of pledging. But maybe that's just me?
Membership:
So what does it mean to be a member? I think that's probably as personal as what UUism means to people in a religious and spiritual way.
Speaking for myself, membership means a commitment to my spiritual path as a UU, as well as practicalities. Being willing to serve on committees, to volunteer my time, to attend groups that help me grow personally.
Membership means that I need to take part in radical hospitality - I need to commit to reaching out to old and new members and making them feel welcome every time they show up. To be in contact with our ministers and staff about things I know about our visitors and members - what they need from us.
To evangelize - talk to others outside the UU about the UU - to encourage people to try it out, to see if it's the right path for them if they're seeking one.
To support the church financially and with energy and time. To make it a priority as my top community that gets a lot of my resources and talents.
To support the church's initiatives in the local and global community.
And finally for me, to lead, to love, to nurture, to build. To use my love and talents in organization, speaking, web-weaving to reach others and serve. Being a member is to embrace everything practical and spiritual about our religion (is it a religion? For the sake of argument we'll say it is, for today).
Reduction and Focus
I am always busy, busy, busy. I keep a lot of juggling balls in the air, but this summer I get to focus on my grad school application and my family.
My job as RE Assistant at First Unitarian wraps up in a couple of weeks, and I have mixed feelings. I have loved just about every minute of it - oddly enough, my least favorite part is doing childcare, but that's not what most of my job was about. And it's not that I don't love the kids - I do. But I love classes, and watching the kids grow throughout the year and learn about UU stuff and test their values, and to see them fulfilling their potentials. Summer childcare is just boring.
I have loved sitting in the lobby each week getting to know old and new families. It is a simple kind of evangelism to teach about our RE program and what it means to me as an employee and as a parent. I even loved organizing the supply closet and my boss' office. And I love being an employee of a place that cares about me - about whether I have a living wage, about if the hours fit my lifestyle, that allows me to participate as a member and as an employee - to wear my different hats. It felt so good to be appreciated by the other volunteers, parents, and staff. To feel that I was doing a really good job, and making a difference to all of those people and the kids too.
I can't do this job next year - J. needs someone who can work more hours, and I need to focus on finishing school. But I'll miss it. It will be nice to go to the services. To teach in Jude's class. To socialize and have more time at home, and to ask less sacrifice of Tom. This job actually took money away from our coffers in time and energy - but it was worth it to me. It gave me a window into the back end work that goes into RE, and how it fits into the greater church workings and community. It gave me a chance to get out of the house and focus on how important my spiritual and practical work is, and it made Emma and Soren feel important and connected them to the greater church community and its teachings.
I'm so glad I had this year of work. I'll miss it, but I am excited about the future.
My job as RE Assistant at First Unitarian wraps up in a couple of weeks, and I have mixed feelings. I have loved just about every minute of it - oddly enough, my least favorite part is doing childcare, but that's not what most of my job was about. And it's not that I don't love the kids - I do. But I love classes, and watching the kids grow throughout the year and learn about UU stuff and test their values, and to see them fulfilling their potentials. Summer childcare is just boring.
I have loved sitting in the lobby each week getting to know old and new families. It is a simple kind of evangelism to teach about our RE program and what it means to me as an employee and as a parent. I even loved organizing the supply closet and my boss' office. And I love being an employee of a place that cares about me - about whether I have a living wage, about if the hours fit my lifestyle, that allows me to participate as a member and as an employee - to wear my different hats. It felt so good to be appreciated by the other volunteers, parents, and staff. To feel that I was doing a really good job, and making a difference to all of those people and the kids too.
I can't do this job next year - J. needs someone who can work more hours, and I need to focus on finishing school. But I'll miss it. It will be nice to go to the services. To teach in Jude's class. To socialize and have more time at home, and to ask less sacrifice of Tom. This job actually took money away from our coffers in time and energy - but it was worth it to me. It gave me a window into the back end work that goes into RE, and how it fits into the greater church workings and community. It gave me a chance to get out of the house and focus on how important my spiritual and practical work is, and it made Emma and Soren feel important and connected them to the greater church community and its teachings.
I'm so glad I had this year of work. I'll miss it, but I am excited about the future.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Progress
I spoke to the Admissions Director at Meadville Lombard today. It was such a good feeling to talk to a real person that doesn't know me, and to take another step on my journey. It made me a bit more worried about financial aid, as I have to apply as a non-degree student at Colgate, but I'll look at that issue this summer when my semester is over.
She sent me some helpful information, and is going to snail mail some more. I am feeling so positive and good about this. It's what keeps me going in my BA studies every single day. Transformation is drawing me through each part of this journey.
In other news, it is exceedingly hard to be spiritually calm with the dog when he whines for no reason, for hours on end. Yes, it's hot. Me too.
She sent me some helpful information, and is going to snail mail some more. I am feeling so positive and good about this. It's what keeps me going in my BA studies every single day. Transformation is drawing me through each part of this journey.
In other news, it is exceedingly hard to be spiritually calm with the dog when he whines for no reason, for hours on end. Yes, it's hot. Me too.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
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