Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Living Into

That's what my minister calls it. Living into...whatever. Your dreams, your values, your calling, your beliefs. Maybe she didn't coin the phrase, but she's the first person I've heard say it, and I really like it.

I met with my spiritual adviser today, which is always a good thing.

When I was a teenager, I was in therapy, and grew a lot as a person, and dealt with a lot of childhood baggage. When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I went to therapy again on and off, and was really ticked off that I still had so much growing to do. I recognize that it's a good thing to realize how much growth one has ahead of them, but it would be nice to just get to perfect sometimes, you know? Heh.

Anyway, my personal timeline looks something like:
Teens: Living in crisis
Twenties: Learning to live without creating crisis
Thirties: Learning that there is no crisis; just living everyday life, a day at a time (Alcoholics Anonymous has been on to this for years, by the way).

When I was 30, I got a tattoo of the Japanese character for serenity, because God knows, I had little in my life - I am not particularly patient, have lots of kids, a busy life, and frenetic energy. I got the tattoo though, out of self-awareness - I need to be intentional about finding serenity in my life, and about creating it.

Since being called to the ministry, and actively living into my spiritual beliefs and needs, I am seeing a difference in so many areas of my life. I am finally realizing that just because, as my first husband says, when I walk into a room, the energy changes, I can channel what kind of energy I want to put out to the universe. There are stranger things than karma, folks.

I know this all seems kind of rambling, but there's a point - and it's this. Living into one's being and "showing up" for life, being intentional about it, is a gift to oneself and everyone around you.

I am still an agnostic on my many levels. I don't really believe in the supernatural per se, but I do believe in mystery. And I believe that there are many natural things that we don't understand, that are mysterious, and that effect us on a cosmic level outside of our intellectual capacity to understand them. I do know that every day, I make an intentional attempt to be open to the connections that make up our days, our relationships, and our universe, and since I have started to do that, some amazing things are happening for me.

My marriage is stronger. I have stronger, more transparent relationships with my children and my friends. My actions are more intentional. I have a lot more joy in my life.

I will always have a lot of growing to do, but I hope I can embrace it and not run from it. Sometimes it's hard and scary, but ultimately, it is what Living Into is all about.

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