I know I mentioned I had my NERSCC meeting/evaluation a couple of weeks ago. I haven't gotten the recommendation yet, but I'll wait another week to send a note. I did send a thank you note, but I know he's just returning from sabbatical and is swamped.
One of the pivotal things about that meeting is that he put into words something that has been in my mind for some time. I'm moving from a place of identifying with "being called" to the ministry to one of ministerial formation.
I recognize that as people move from one role to another, that they struggle to align themselves with their transformation. One thing that's been difficult for me lately is that I could really use the advice/listening ear of my spiritual advisor, whom I can't afford to pay, and in lieu of that, would benefit from talking with my ministers about some life challenges.
However, I'm hesitant to contact them, because as I'm moving toward resuming my education, and other parallel paths along the ministerial path, I would like to at least appear to have my sh*t together, even if I am human, like everyone, even ministers, and I am having a hard time making a move to talk to them. Isn't that stupid?
I'm sure this is one of my growing edges; my awareness of new boundaries and personal competencies (or failings). There are other ways in which my personal relationship with my church is shifting. I feel like I'm present, yet moving through it, as I move into preparing to minister myself in the next few years or so. Everything has a new light around it, and I have a new way of looking at and evaluating things that is a bit disconcerting. I feel like I have gained and lost something as I move into this new phase of my transformation. It's a bit lonely.
Maybe when I start school, I'll find that I'm not so alone in this experience.