Sunday, September 28, 2008

Walking and Anxiety

I've taken about 5 walks over the last two days, and have decided to walk with "beginner's mind" (I have gotten away from Wiki definitions, but the other quick ones I saw were too in-depth for this blog post!). I have an open mind, try to see each tree, sign, mailbox, house, as if I am seeing it for the first time, with an attitude of curiosity and newness. I also am observing Jakob, and his curiosity and explorations of things I hadn't noticed, like the stray cat my next door neighbor just started feeding, or the fact that something interesting is living among the old pig barn foundation at the edge of our property.

Jake and I are doing a little bit of intentional discipline training on the leash as well. It's for both of us - he is bossy, and I am out of practice with training, so we both benefit, and have a mix of intention and meditation on our walks. He seems to be enjoying it, and I definitely am, despite the almost constant rain this weekend.

I am finding some latent anxiety during each walk though - I know what it is though. It's that nagging feeling that I'm not doing anything, and there's so much to do. But I am doing something and it's really important.

Tomorrow is my first Wellspring group. I am nervous to meet my moderator for the first time, but excited. I am also going for a social walk with our ministerial intern beforehand, and am thrilled. I had an instant liking for her, and I got to hear her preach this morning. She is starting out as we all will, I suspect, a bit lacking in fire, but in plenty of underlying love and passion - enough so to move me to tears a couple of times, because I felt the parallel in our paths - that need to respond to the beauty and evil in this world.

Anyway, Wellspring. I was also relieved to find out that though I only have a chapter left, there are others who are only halfway through the book. Whew!

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