I've been trying to get time to post about this, but I was very cranky and busy yesterday, and had to finish an essay, do my personal journaling, and start reading for school, which starts in two days.
Wellspring starts up in a couple of weeks, and I contacted two people on the list for spiritual directors. I never heard back from one of them (?!), but the other one and I met on Tuesday morning, and it was a great fit. Her name is Ann, and she's also a therapist, so it's a great mix, because I think that spiritual deepening for me is also going to be a deepening of the personal healing I've been doing for years.
My assignment for this month is to see "God" in the small, everyday things. Some of my personal goals are to work on the concepts of forgiveness, compassion (for myself and others), thoughtfulness, patience, transparency, and trying to see where the universe is leading me this year - what is my purpose in Wellspring this year? Keeping the doors and windows wide open to what will come.
The end result for me is integration of my values, my living, my parenting, my "right" relations with family and friends and the larger world. But the journey is the important thing, and I need to keep my eyes on the here and now while remaining open to the twistings of the path that I'm on.
Last night I went to the parent meeting for the homeschool Waldorf program that my kids attend. This is our fifth year, and I have not ever really allowed myself to feel the deep joy and peace that runs through the teachers and the rituals there. In my defense, I have had a baby or toddler since the girls started, and I have mostly been focused on getting through the annual festivals and rituals without someone freaking out ;), but last night, I was very focused on what the teachers were bringing to the room, and I could feel the love and the peace. God (I am not really comfortable with this word, but I haven't come up with a good one that doesn't feel false) was so present for me, and I was really able to keep myself open.
I generally despise singing, dancing, or doing any kind of agme in public, but we played a clapping game to introduce to some of the new parents one of the things the kids will do, and I was able to jump right in, laughing, with true joy in the moment - and it was very intentional and yet unexpected.
Letting my guard down feels good