The universe must be speaking to me again today. I have been trying to catch up on news and blog reading, and more and more posts keep popping up about failure and being human.
I have a hard time not being perfect. I'm the A-est Type A person I know, I take on too much, and I flog myself when I fail. I don't seem to have lapsed into much in the way of harmful behaviors, other than putting cleaning way down on the list of priorities for the first time in my life this summer, but I know it can't be good for me.
This particular post really spoke to me - I really love the idea of covenant vs. contract. I have been hit over the head with the clue stick by my husband last week that I'm not doing a very good job of being considerate toward him. It's hard for me not to defend myself; I think of him often throughout the day, buy him special things at the grocery store, try to take on some of his chores when I have the time and energy - but none of those things probably jump out at him, because I mostly just do them quietly and happily.
I'm not the person who enjoys potlucks, or making a meal for someone who is struggling, or sending cards and letters. I'm working on it, and trying to be more intentional about such things as part of my spiritual path, but internally they don't feel sustaining - even though I know they are to the people who receive them.
So that's my constant failing - selfishness. I'm a lot better than I was 15 years ago, and I'm a lot more intentional about it - but I still fail a lot.
Hopefully putting it out to the universe will help me be more aware and find ways to forgive myself for failing, yet still find the energy to work to be a better person living my values. A hard balance.